1. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hello. I'm a newby from USA. Seems like lots of these posts are from Britain, but we all seem to be having the same sort of problems. My mother has been diagnosed with dimentia and over the past few months has been showing signs of losing interest in life as she knows it. We had her going to the senior-center every day by bus, but now she sleeps in until it is too late for her to go. She is also losing her sight. She has imacular degeneration and cateracts. Thus it is hard for her to read anything anymore. She is 87 and up until now has been fairly happy with her life. I live in with her as I pay her bills for her and take care of the household chores. I need to know that there are other people as frustrated as I am right now.

    Thank you!

    GBBB
     
  2. TED

    TED Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    154
    Middlesex
    Hello and welcome

    No you are definitely NOT alone here.
    I'm sure you're busy reading around the other parts of this site but its best (in my experience) to just go ahead and pour out your frustrations here as we're more than happy to listen and many people here able to help and offer moral support.

    You're doing a great job taking care of your mother
    more strength to you

    TED
    (my mother is also blind and suffering, its a constant battle all round, one I'm not sure I could get through on my own.)
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi GBBB, welcome to TP. Yes we are based in the UK, but this illness has no frontiers so all are welcome. Sounds like you have your hands full, as Ted says, use the board to off load, it helped me when I cared for my Mum, I lost her last year. My Mum in law has now started down the slippery slope. Her eyesight, like your Mums, is also failing, she has had ops for cataracts on both eyes, but we have had to buy a bigger screen TV and she can no longer read the paper etc. She is also mildly to middling confused although still living alone but with back up. You will find many of us here who can empathise with you so please keep on posting. Love She. XX
     
  4. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hi Ted

    Ted,

    Thank you for answering my post. It is good to hear from someone on here so quickly. Sometimes I feel as if I need a course on caring... they sure don't prepare us for this job. The frustrations I feel make me feel guilty. I start feeling I should be more loving. It's as if I am dealing with my children all over again, but they are grown and on the other side of the country now. I long for "ME" time.

    This post board is just what the doctor ordered!

    GBBB

     
  5. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hi Sheila

    Hello,

    Thank you for the welcome. I've heard that some Brits are not too happy with Americans at the moment so it's good to feel welcomed. I had the pleasure of visiting your country several times while dating a man from the Cotswolds so I will say you are lucky to live in such a beautiful place.

    My condolences on the loss of your mother. I know, at my mother's age (87), she is doing as well as she can.

    I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose my sight like that. It is very frustrating to my mother. I imagine the sight loss adds to her confusion. I think that may be part of the reason she is losing interest in going to the senior-center here in town. Just last year she was going every day. Now we are lucky if we get her there once a week.

    I'm still learning about this site... it is a very valuable tool!

    Thanks,
    GBBB




     
  6. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi GBBB
    I am in Oklahoma. You will find the most loving, caring and helpful people there is, on this forum. I've been on just a couple weeks or so and it has helped me so much. This disease can be so isolating and it does help to have others to talk to that know what your going through!
    It is true, this disease doesn't know any borders and we're all in this together!

    Debbie (Rummy)
     
  7. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    HI gbbb, Welcome aboard! I care 24/7 for my mum in law who has A/D and is 92,i cope ok most of the time but sometimes for no reason everything seems to much but i hang in there and it soon passes.This site as got me through many sticky patches and i hope it works for you too we all help each other because we are going through the same things . storm
     
  8. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hi Debbie

    Hi!

    I see I am not the only person on here from the US. It's nice to know you are not alone isn't it? Today was a good day. Took Mom out for brunch and to get her nails done. She had a good time. She doesn't eat much at home, but was eating like a pro at brunch. Maybe she doesn't need three meals a day?

     
  9. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hi Storm,

    Thanks for the welcome. I am already getting lots of new friends. 24/7 sounds difficult. I do manage to get out for a few hours here and there. Do you ever get someone in to give you a break?

    GBBB


     
  10. KarenC

    KarenC Registered User

    Jun 2, 2005
    122
    Los Angeles, USA
    I'm out here on the left coast of the U.S. :D (Los Angeles).

    She may well not need three real meals a day. Old folks who aren't very active don't need a big calorie intake. One good balanced meal and some light snacks scattered through the day might work better for her now.

    Karen
     
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    My Mom is all of 85 lbs and eats like a bird. Efforts to get her on Ensure failed. She had a bleeding ulcer in her 50's and had surgery that rerouted her stomach so she just can't hold much. I don't fight her on it anymore. I want her to be safe, warm, and as happy as she can be. And having a little appetite is happy for her, she gets really upset when anyone trys to tell her how to eat ( always has !)
     
  12. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Karen nice to meet you! My son has just moved out to Manhattan Beach. I think I probably would do better with a diet like that too! LOL

    Here I sit at 11:45 p.m. Mom went to bed at 8:00 tonight and has been up three times so far. The last time was 5 minutes ago. She was sitting up on the edge of her bed with her light on saying she couldn't get to sleep. We had an active day today and I am very surprised by this.



     
  13. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Rummy,

    Funny thing with my Mom is she eats like a horse when she is out for a meal! But not at home. Think it's my cooking? Uh oh!

    GBBB

     
  14. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Hi GBBB, I get a 2hr sitting service on a tuesday and thats it! luckly for me my husband is a big help when he is home from work,it makes it more confining because it is just to difficult to take mum out because of her lack of mobility and confusion she just gets upset if we try and get her to go out she is quite happy staying put i suppose its were she feels safe.We had a bad day yesterday she just seemed to seize up it took both of us to move her and she hardly ate a thing,she seems a lot better today so i have no idea what was wrong. STORM
     
  15. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    My Mom lives down the street from me. My step Dad takes really good care of her even though she forgets who he is at least once a week. I go over every afternoon to spend time with her or get her out of the house. She is getting where she doesn't want to be gone long. The psychologist says she can't ever be left alone so I know the day will probably come that she will need to move in with us. I can't even imagine right now how we'll manage but know we will persevere !
     
  16. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear Rummy, I thought i would never cope when mum moved in with us and in the begining it was very hard to adjust to the major change in our lives but it sounds strange to say it but as the dementia got worse caring got easier the reason being that mum was no longer fighting the fact that she neede help and just went along with everything she seldom gets upset now about when she as toilet accidents were before there were tears,she seems quite happy in her world of A/D as long as her rutine is kept to.We are very tied its very much like having another child but instead of the child progressing she is regressing and say we are pretty near the end stages of dementia but we will keep plodding on day by day. storm
     
  17. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Storm,
    Has a nursing home ever been a consideration for you? What has made keeping your Mum home into the end stage doable for you? I ask because I know that is ahead and I just don't know if a home is inevitable or if it is possible to avoid it.
     
  18. GBBB

    GBBB Registered User

    Aug 5, 2005
    14
    Connecticut USA
    Hi Storm,

    Sorry you had a bad day. I've had those myself. Last night Mom was up again at 3:30 a.m. I hear her as she walks with a cane and does not use a light touch. I am lucky I only work part time so I can take a nap in the afternoon if needed. I will be talking to a person at the hospital later this week who said she can set me up with Respite care so I can go on a mini trip to Colorado. I'm sure it will be expensive. Hope you have a better day today.
    GBBB

    :)
     
  19. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear Rummy,I suppose it depends on the way dementia takes with the person you care for,we have been extremly lucky that mum has never wandered about or been violent ,she is incontinent at night and needs takeing to the toilet at regular times in the day or accidents happen but these things can be dealt with she is depentent on us totally but i am lucky because i can stay home to care for her.It was our choice to do this because she is family and i could not have lived with myself if we hadnt tried.Would i make the same choice again? yes because even if it is hard work and ties you down you do have good times just to hear her laugh at something on TV that maybe only a advert does you good she is happy safe and content thats reward enough,dont get me wrong i am no saint and when shes repeated something for the 100th time i could scream till the timbers rattled!she is part of our lives we accept that and get on with it.I have nothing against homes and are right for some people but i feel we made the right choice so far.I had the dr out today because of her sudden lack of mobility and pain not good news her knee is totally gone and he as given her stronger pain killers,luckly my husband is off work for 2wks so is helping me with the lifting as she cant bear weight at all.Were do we go from here? anyone got any ideas on moving her from bed to commode etc as i really need to be able to do it on my own? STORM
     
  20. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Storm,
    What you are doing is very inspirational to me. I admire your strength and fortitude! I hope when the time comes I can do as well for my Mom.
    I hope you find a good solution for moving you Mum about.

    Thanks,
    Rummy (Debbie)
     

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