but on further thought - it can be possible to get a few day/couple of weeks temporary placement in a local home (that you've vetted, obviously) as a way of providing temporary relief for your Dad (which also sidesteps the issue of 'why am I being put in a home'). Carefully managed, this might -
I think that a good idea
However dad has told me that mum is waking up up to 9 times a night to go to the toilet which she needs help with and then needs help to get back into bed as she has no idea how to do it. She is not eating and is crying a lot. He is not coping at all, is totally at the end of his tether and (as I said before is not a patient person at all) shouts at her a lot which really upsets me.
If your mother waking up so much during the night, no wonder your father not coping .
The best way forward is getting you father some respite. you mother sound like she in the stage my mother in .
I was taking to my mother Key worker to day at day center . She was asking how I was coping , like your father I am getting to a stage wondering if my mother should go into a care home .
But I know and social services know that I can't force my mother into one . even thought she not thinking with a rational or logical mind, the pursuer/ stress she putting me under in caring for her at home .
(So SS step in , giving me more
support as in day center , 8 weeks a year respite
Am sure you mother the same in not knowing the stress she putting your father under )
So I told key worker , that my mother would fight all the way not to go into care home , she scream the place down in wanting to go home, she have to have an injection to cram her down . she would get use to it, I suppose . if it got to the point of me saying I could not cope any more , your father has every right in saying that also .
The Key worker tell me I would have a clear conscious mind
in not bumping , forcing my mother in a care home , while she still at a stage in not wanting to go .
So I would of thought at this stage your mother in . CPN would of come up with other options of taking the pursuer/ stress of your father so he could have breaks away from your mother . as in respite .
My mother did not like going into care home respite and no one said to me from SS that I could not force her in to respite , but they did say I can not force her into a care home premarital if she did not want to go .
have you thought about respite before , what support does your father receive to give him time out for himself ?