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a warm welcome from me too
a few things have been mentioned by others, so here are some links that may pick up on their suggestions
contact your Local Authority Adult Services to arrange an assessment of your husband's care needs and a carer's assessment for yourself as you both have a right to these (don't discuss your husband's financial situation at this point) ... a care package may then be suggested eg home care visits, day care, respite (this is as much to give you a break as to support your husband, so maybe try ways to 'persuade' your husband to attend day care eg 'I need to have a day to get chores done so it will help me' or he will be a volunteer helper, rather than a 'customer')
a financial assessment will then be organised on your husband's finances only plus half of any joint savings (your home is not taken into account nor are your finances)
when you fill in the forms have in mind your husband's worst days and you may feel as though you are repeating points, but mention everything and be brutally honest (I found it hard to read back after I'd completed for my dad, but it brought home how much support he needed and how much he deserved the AA) .. your local AgeUK may be able to help you complete the forms
once AA is in place, contact your Council to apply for a Council Tax disregard in respect of your husband, so effectively you will be charged at single occupant's rate ... and ask if there is a further reduction as you are a fulltime carer
access the Directory of local services on the main AS site
think of arranging Lasting Powers of Aattorney, for you and your husband, so someone has legal authority to help you both .. of course you can be Attorney for your husband ... worth having 2 to act jointly and severally and a named replacement
Never, ever, feel guilty - we have to be here for each other - and I am glad you have found us - get the AA sorted - Age Concern or Citizen's advice will help you - then with that and a short letter from the doctor you ought to be able to get a reduction in council tax - we did.Thank you, its great to find a 'home' - I always feel guilty if I 'vent' to others
Never, ever, feel guilty - we have to be here for each other - and I am glad you have found us - get the AA sorted - Age Concern or Citizen's advice will help you - then with that and a short letter from the doctor you ought to be able to get a reduction in council tax - we did.
Get on to Social Services as your husband is a vulnerable adult and see how they can assist you.
My OH will not go to groups, so I go out alone and arrange for a carer to come in and be with him
Other people will have lots of ideas ... so stay with us....
Hello Helped, my partner, who has fronto temporal dementia, has also never been a joiner or one for small talk and I am finding it a real problem to persuade him to join any of the groups that Alzheimers Support have in our area. He just doesn’t accept that he needs any help but he does nothing all day, sleeps a lot and gets more confused as the day goes on! I have been reading the posts on here for a while but this the first time I have posted. I haven’t applied for AA or council tax reduction yet, I can’t tell whether he fits the criteria and I think he wouldn’t agree to it.
Dear Helped I am so glad you have found TP. We are all here for you. I found TP a short while ago and it has been a life or rather mind saver for me. So many kind people who really understand and care. One of the hardest things, for me at least, is the constant anxiety. It’s like our minds are working overtime trying to anticipate and mitigate against all the things that could at any moment go wrong. Some things we can plan for, others may never happen, mostly we just have to take one day at a time- so much easier said than done. I now come onto TP at least twice a day, it helps me breathe. I hope it can do the same for you xMy husband Jim (74) was diagnosed with brain atrophy a couple of years ago. We have no children and no relatives, it is just us. Jim was a mathematician, extremely intelligent and very active hobby sailor but since being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes nearly 20 years ago and a successful operation for bowel cancer 16 years ago, his health has been in decline. He is developing cataracts and will eventually have them removed. He has developed a slow shuffling walk and is a bit unsteady on his feet. He refuses to admit he has any problems at all (although he does admit he cannot remember anything) and will not use any sort of walking aid.
He has become very picky about food and doesn't eat well, it is difficult to eat out like we used to because he leaves so much and it is a bit embarrassing, not to say a waste of money. He tries very hard to do things but looses concentration easily, he mostly sits in a chair either watching TV or sleeping. He does still have a sense of humour though , because he said that at least all the repeats on TV don't affect him has he can't remember how many times he may have seen a program. I do everything around the house, care for him and look after a huge garden. I would love to move to a house without a garden but the thought of the stress of moving and the stress of moving Jim puts me off at present
At the moment I am managing to cope, but I can see the writing on the wall. He has good days but today wasn't one of them! I am sorry that my first post was such a depressed one, but I badly needed to talk to someone and I know I am far from alone in my troubles.
It is so nice to know that there is someone out there! That makes me feel a lot better.
Beyond the initial diagnosis and some dementia nurses (specialists??) coming to the house to do some sort of assessment, we have had nothing. This may have a lot to do with the fact that the nurses were not very impressive and Jim got irritated, became very uncooperative and sent them away. with a flea in their ear! Quite frankly, I couldn't really blame him, they were totally lacking in tact, diplomacy and talked down to BOTH of us.
He has tablets for his diabetes but that is all.
He can do some things , he has just made himself a cup of tea. OK he missed putting it on the table and it went all over the floor but at least he made it himself! I have never heard of Attendance Allowance so I will look into this.
I doubt he would like day care centres, he has never been one for joining groups and that sort of thing makes him grumpy. He does like me to think of days out for him, and he like me to drive him round in the car most days.
Thank yu so much for being there, I really appreciate it