hello, i just joined the forums because things are getting out of control in my head. My situation is as follows. My 85 year old grandad who i love dearly, has alzheimers. he was diagnosed over a year ago and at first i thought he was just losing his memory and it was quite funny and he used to laugh all the time. never swore, never was in a bad mood, was the perfect gentleman to everyone and anyone. my grandma and him have been married for 60 years, never was such a loving marriage but hey, they stayed together. she dominated the marriage though, imo, not the nicest at the time but she's mellowed in her old age. the key here is they adopted me from their daughter (my mum) when i was born so in effect they are my parents and i treat them that way. anyway, since the alzeimer has become worse my mum and antie have taken roles in taking care of the situation. i however have been left out. i can understand why, i'm of a different generation, live over an hour away and am trying to sort out my own business and am stressed and have no time. but it's tearing me apart. i don't know what to do anymore, even writing this as work i am fighting back tears. and i don't know why!!! i am frustrated because i can't be there, i've mised out on all the questions i wanted to ask him and still do, i'm scared to be with him now because i don't know what to say, it's depressing me. that with my grandma who has a bad hip and just had a cataract operation, and the fact she just treats him like some old fool (like she always did), it's just not fair. i wish i could be stronger, but that would make me selfish. i try to see them as often as i can but i'm so busy, and when my mum (biological) and auntie are constantly taking him out, i just feel total guilt. i rang my grandma today, the phoen rang for ages and ages, and eventually my grandad answered. i tried and tried to have a conversation but he was lost. apparantly i'm the only person other than the people looking after him, that he acknowledges which is nice for me. but for how much longer. alzheimers came round so quick i've missed my one opportunity to speak as an adult about things i never used to think were important. i want to bring him something when i see him tomorrow but i've no idea what to get him. he used to love crosswords, i doubt i can imagine him doing one now. and i dread going because what can i say, what can i do, how can i act? my grandma is there, but she just poo poos him, and that makes me angry, even though i love them both. any advice where i go from here because even though i am a very emotionally strong 36 year old man, this has reduced me to tears and i even flew off the handle at my uncle (which is not normal) because he said i should see my 'dad' more. i told him he just doesn't know what i think and should stay out of it. the truth is, i wish i could see him more, but i'm so damn busy and if i did, i just get more upset. any advice on where i should go from here? thanks for listening.