Hi - I am new! Husband recently diagnosed with vascular dementia

[Tamayo]

I am finding it extremely difficult to grasp the idea that my husband has been diagnosed with suffering from vascular dementia.

One minute I understand and see he has such trouble remembering new things but then a bit later I find my self questioning... is it really dementia? Whats going to happen now? And the one person who I used to talk about everything with just now sits and watches TV and is very non communicative.
Is there anyone out there with a recently diagnosed spouse?

 

[CJinUSA]

Hello, and welcome to the caregivers' place. You might want to read the posts in the forum for those with partners with dementia. Your experience of getting your mind wrapped around the diagnosis only to have it all disappear in doubt is something we probably all have experience. My dad died long ago from vascular dementia; my mother lives with us now, and she has Alzheimer's. I know you'll find the people here understand your feelings, and they're here to talk with at all hours of the day. Best wishes to you.

 

[Izzy]

Good morning and welcome to TP.

I don't have a recently diagnosed spouse, my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 14 years ago. I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you and say that I'm glad you have found this forum. I do remember how difficult it is when you first get a diagnosis. You are on a steep learning curve. I know that there are others in a similar situation to yourself and that you'll get lots of help and support here.

Take care.

 

[jeany123]

Hello Tamayo and welcome to talking point, my husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia about 5 years ago but he had being having problems a lot longer than that,
I found it very hard to come to terms with and found myself often wondering if there had been a mistake, As time went on I have learnt to accept him for what he is but I miss the chats and sharing things and being responsible for everything is very difficult ,

He is only 66 now and I feel as though we have been cheated out of our retirement years,
I try and live as normal as possible and hope that you can as well,

There is lots of information on this forum and you can ask anything and get a answer,

Best Wishes Jeany x

 

[Wolfsgirl]

Just wanted to say from others I have interacted with here, I realise it must be very hard to come to terms with. I hope you get the understanding and support you need. x

 

[Sringtime]

I am finding it extremely difficult to grasp the idea that my husband has been diagnosed with suffering from vascular dementia.

One minute I understand and see he has such trouble remembering new things but then a bit later I find my self questioning... is it really dementia? Whats going to happen now? And the one person who I used to talk about everything with just now sits and watches TV and is very non communicative.
Is there anyone out there with a recently diagnosed spouse?

Hi, My husband was diagnosed in January with Vascular Dementia and also the start of Alzheimers. Although I knew something was wrong and was probably Dementia it was still a shock being "officially" diagnosed. As my husbands short term memory fluctuates every day, I to found I was questioning myself and sometimes felt the whole situation was driving me mad. My husband also sits with the paper on his knee from morning until night and has very little to say. So I know how isolated and sad you must feel. I am trying to come to terms with things, very frightened of what the future holds, I am stronger some days and in bits another. Hopefully somebody from the memory clinic will come out to see you and ask if you would like to attend a post dementia group session, I am on my 3rd week now and have met some wonderful people, been given excellent advice. Each week we have had a different speaker and have been able to discuss and ask many questions. Today I asked if I as a carer can be given some help through this journey with some counselling sessions. My husband at first seemed to accept the diagnosis from the Doctor, but now 6 months on, he is convinced there is nothing wrong with him and as he is happy living in his little bubble I no longer try to contradict him, as it only stresses me out. I am so sorry for you, but hope it helps to know you are not the only one. I hope you get help and support from the group as I have done. I am sure you will find much support and advice on TP. Take Care. x

 

[mojo1943]

Hi Tay

what to do now? - have a look thru my post & the links = Im sure you will then be up to speed on the VaD situation and apply what seems best to your situation.

Vascular Dementia VaD recently diagnosed = no treatment = no way
mo43

 

[Kevinl]

Hi Tamayo
Up to a point "how recently the diagnosis" was made isn't too important (I think, well that's my opinion).
The day it happened to me is etched on my heart forever, I can remember the day (more than 3 years ago) when I got a letter, typed out in black and white from the consultant saying it was AZ my wife had, no doubt that's what it was.
I just stood in the kitchen frozen as I read it, it's a life changer that's for certain, but it's still as real to me now as the day I read it.
The people who have been here the longest might be some of the people best able to help you, don't self limit the question by only asking what the recently diagnosed think.
K

 

[jaymor]

Kevin's is right, I don't think any one of us can forget the time we were given the diagnosis. I can even remember the pattern and colour of the sari my husband's consultant was wearing and that was 9 years ago.

For me it was well we now know what is wrong, we have to find out what help there is out there when we need it, sort out all the legal bits and pieces and then get on with life as we know it. We had four years where my husband continued to drive and run his company with a little help and understanding from his colleagues.

Your husband may well be depressed by his diagnosis, it must be frightening to think of what is ahead. Speak to his GP, there is medication available. Try to get out every day and deal with each day as it comes. No one knows how the disease will progress.

Please use the forum, there is so much help, support and friendship here. We understand how you feel and if you want to rant then do it here. Ready to listen at any time, ready to help all the time.

Take care,

Jay

 

[SoyHJ]

Hello and welcome. I can't add much to what others have already said but I wanted to tell you I can so identify with your feelings. In our case it was Alzheimer's not vascular dementia but I think at the present moment the feelings are just the same whatever it may be.

Yes, I see my husband having trouble one day and know 100% that he's different to the way he used to be. Then we have what I call a 'good' phase when I start to wonder if a mistake could have been made. This lasts until the next ' bad' phase. It's this up and down feeling which is hard to deal with inside.

You say he's uncommunicative however have you and your husband been able to talk about his diagnosis at all?

 

[Tamayo]

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes and comments, it really helps to know there are people out there I can talk to and get advice and support from. I guess I feel so alone sometimes as I cant talk about it with my best friend, my husband.

I am finding it extremely difficult to grasp the idea that my husband has been diagnosed with suffering from vascular dementia.

One minute I understand and see he has such trouble remembering new things but then a bit later I find my self questioning... is it really dementia? Whats going to happen now? And the one person who I used to talk about everything with just now sits and watches TV and is very non communicative.
Is there anyone out there with a recently diagnosed spouse?

 

[Oxy]

Hi, whilst my caree is parent and not spouse, I recognise your feelings. I also have vas dem diagnosis doubts at times in a good phase only to have these shattered by true dementia days, episodes as I call them following. It is such an emotional roller coaster and I guess just depends on which neural paths thought processes take. However in some strange way it helps to know that there are others in similar position. Isolation to me feels untenable at times. Unpredictability is also harsh on the emotions. My caree can be unresponsive and appear depressed. Is it time out for a brain recharge, really don't know. All the very best.

 

[maryw]

I have similar issues re a non-communicative spouse. We used to talk for hours but now he prefers the television... I know it's not him, but the illness so just go with the flow and make sure I do not become isolated by meeting my friends. Some days, like you say, are better than others and you think nothing's wrong then on days when he's tired, the moodiness, irritability and non-communication emerge. Just make the most of the good days...

 

[Tamayo]

Thanks for your post Oxy And all the very best to you too.

Hi, whilst my caree is parent and not spouse, I recognise your feelings. I also have vas dem diagnosis doubts at times in a good phase only to have these shattered by true dementia days, episodes as I call them following. It is such an emotional roller coaster and I guess just depends on which neural paths thought processes take. However in some strange way it helps to know that there are others in similar position. Isolation to me feels untenable at times. Unpredictability is also harsh on the emotions. My caree can be unresponsive and appear depressed. Is it time out for a brain recharge, really don't know. All the very best.

 

[Tamayo]

Hi Mary, thanks for your post. You are right and I do try and make the most of the good days. However he doesn't seem to want to do anything any more aside from watch TV.
All I can say is thank God for SKY TV!

I have similar issues re a non-communicative spouse. We used to talk for hours but now he prefers the television... I know it's not him, but the illness so just go with the flow and make sure I do not become isolated by meeting my friends. Some days, like you say, are better than others and you think nothing's wrong then on days when he's tired, the moodiness, irritability and non-communication emerge. Just make the most of the good days...

 

[maryw]

Totally the same here!!! No wonder the electricity bill is high!!!