I joined TP today. My dad is 91 and has Vascular dementia. Over the past 18 months he has deteriorated a lot. He used to be able to look after himself, cook or reheat a dinner, shower, go to the local shops or into town but he cant do any of that now. My sister and I look after him with the help of two carers who come to his home 5 days a week. He goes walking every day, several times a day, but is not a "wanderer". He has got lost only a few times but now he seems to realise his limitations and doesn't go as far any more, but turns around and might walk the same stretch a few times before coming home. If he takes longer than we think he should, we look for him but he is never far away. Walking and praying is all he does now and they give him a focus for his day. My sister and I are spending more and more time with him as he is less and less able to handle being left alone. We are now contemplating some respite care with a view to more full time care in due course. But there is still so much of "himself" there. He doesn't want to go into a home, he doesn't think he needs it!, and he just wants my sister and I to look after him. We do our best but it is getting harder and harder and our own lives are very much on hold now. We both fear that he will be so upset at being "put in a home". If he can't go walking it would be very distressing to him. And if the familiar things in his home that ground him are suddenly gone we fear that he will deteriorate rapidly and feel very betrayed. It is the hardest thing to do. We keep putting it off but he slips a little further each month, yet he can have days where he is chatty and communicative and in great form rather than confused and insecure. Does anyone have experience where respite and care homes don't work out? We will still be nearby and calling in everyday once he is settled but will that be too upsetting for him when we leave him? I have found the other postings helpful and its good to get these thoughts down.