Hi I am new and My Mum has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Liz333, Sep 2, 2010.

  1. Liz333

    Liz333 Registered User

    Sep 2, 2010
    5
    Staffordshire
    Hi. I am really new to this website. Infact I have just this minute joined it. I have finally managed after several years, yesterday managed to get my Mum diagnosed and she has been classed as moderate to severe. I am a single Mum who cares for my Mum alone as my brother and sister wont have anything to do with her since my Dad died 11 years ago. I guess I am lost at the minute and just need to find other people to talk to that are going through/have been through or will go through what I am. Its so hard going through this alone and I dont really know the best way to handle it all. I guess the worst bit is that my Mum is in denial and even when the doctor tried to explain it to her yesterday, she still insisted there is nothing wrong with her and makes out its me that says she is in her words "du-lally". I am sure there are hard and sad times ahead and I am so pleased that I have found this forum where other people will/do understand. I have found a lovely song Colin Raye She's Gonna Fly. It is written all about this cruel disease and I often play it when I have had a sad day with my Mum. Sorry to go on, I dont really know what else to say. Liz X
     
  2. mattysun

    mattysun Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    5
    Liverpool
    Hi Liz, just a note to say i know what your feeling. I care for my dad, with little or no help from family.
    you are not alone, and i hope you find the information on here useful. (i know i have)
    matt :)
     
  3. Liz333

    Liz333 Registered User

    Sep 2, 2010
    5
    Staffordshire
    Thank you so much for that Matt. Its so good to know I am not alone out there. I am going to have as look around this wonderful website Liz X:)
     
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Hi Liz,
    Welcome to Talking Point. You will not be alone on here as we have and are travellling the same road as you.

    If you have a Local Alzheimer's Branch they will give you so much support and advice.

    There are fact sheets on the main page.

    To begin with it will all seem a nightmare sorting everything out but on Talking Point just ask and virtual friends will help.

    Others here are caring for a parent where brothers and sisters are out of the picture and there are those caring for people in denial.

    Take each day as it comes and it would be helpful for you if you saw your Doctor and informed about your Mother as that will be a source of support for you.

    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,093
    Toronto, Canada
    Hello Liz,
    Beginnings are always very hard. My mother was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago and was never told of her diagnosis. We did try on several occasions but she became agitated and denied anything was wrong with her. I did get her to agree that she had 'memory problems' and that's as close as we got to it.

    I think on some level she must have known. Sometimes, out of nowhere, she would suddenly say "No one in our family has ever had Alzheimer's". Somehow, she must have known.

    If your mother doesn't want to know she has the disease, don't push her. It won't accomplish anything except bad feeling. What I would do if I were you is ask her questions about her future wishes. Ask her opinion about things you're not sure of - how does she feel about extraordinary medical measures to keep someone alive, what kind of funeral has she always wanted, those sorts of things. It might be easier to talk about your thoughts and then ask her opinion. That way, she'll at least be participating somewhat in the future. One thing I regret is that we were not able to discuss these sorts of issues with my mother, as she became so agitated and angry at times.

    Let us know how things go.
     
  6. turbo

    turbo Registered User

    Aug 1, 2007
    3,851
    Hello Liz333, Welcome to Talking Point. This forum is a wonderful source of help and support.
    Even if you 'expect' a diagnosis of dementia it is still a shock. Please keep posting.

    Turbo
     
  7. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    3,724
    Yorkshire
    Liz, hi
    Welcome to TP but I'm so sorry you have had to find us here. It's a wonderful site with lots of fantastic people who are there to support and be supported, the knowledge base here is vast and willingly shared.
    Best wishes, Jo
     
  8. RosmaryW

    RosmaryW Registered User

    Jul 12, 2010
    85
    Cornwall UK
    Hi Liz, just like you I am pretty new to all this too. My Mum was diagnosed with Moderate to severe Alzheimers a few months ago and is now living with us. Life now lurches from one crisis to the next.It is advisable to get all the help you can and this is a wonderful site to guide you in the right directions. Life can seem pretty grim at times but you are not alone and Talking Point is always a good place to realise you are not on your own.One bit of advice I can give you is this, find or make yourself a nice little place to chill out for 10 or 15 min's where you can relax.I have made my chill out zone in the bedroom, put my crystals and flowers favourite perfume and a couple of "happy pictures"on my table in there and spend just a little while collecting my thoughts once a day. Must say it does work up until the next crisis! my very best wishes to you. Rosemary.
     
  9. Liz333

    Liz333 Registered User

    Sep 2, 2010
    5
    Staffordshire
    Thank you all so much for your replies. I am sat here in tears reading them as I guess I finally do realise its happening to Mum and that so many other people are going through exactly the same emotions as me. It does help to know that I am so not alone and I will read all the info I can on here to ensure I help Mum in the best way possible. Thank you X
     
  10. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    716
    Just wondered if you have put your mum’s claim in for Attendance Allowance and (if she is paying Council Tax) have you applied for the Council Tax Discount (which people with a mental illness and claiming AA are eligible for). You may be eligible for Carer’s Allowance so do check it out.

    Clive
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,401
    Kent
    Hello Liz

    I`m so glad you have found TP, especially as it sounds as if you`ll be caring singlehandly for your mother in the absence of other family support.

    Don`t try to take it in all at once and try to avoid discussing dementia with your mother. If she is anything like my husband, she will be fighting against it now and for the forseeable future. I only referred to `memory loss` if my husband brought the subject up, otherwise he would accuse me of making him ill.

    But do not be afraid to have a word with your mother`s doctor, if you have any concerns. You can always write a letter in confidence to update the doctor or have a private phone call for advice.

    And please keep posting.
     
  12. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    My mum was told in the fairly early stages that she had alzheimers, but she never took it in, never discussed it with my dad and always denied that she had anything wrong other than not a very good memory.

    She now has severe alzheimers and my dad thought it would help to get the consultant to tell her again and it might go in, so that's what they did. It just made her really angry, and like others say, it is everyone else's fault, or flawed opinion etc.

    I used to be and still am angry sometimes that she refused to see it in herself, but actually I think she DOES know about it, somewhere inside, and is absolutely petrified and unable to talk about it even if she wanted to.

    Sometimes I would like to scream and shout at her that she has AD, stupid old woman, but I think that is because I too am upset and afraid. (I have never done it I am glad to say) If that is my reaction then her reaction, given that she has AD is unimaginable, so I think it would just be cruel to tell her and insist that she takes it in.


    Hope that helps.
    Love
     
  13. sunny

    sunny Registered User

    Sep 1, 2006
    598
    #13 sunny, Sep 2, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2010
    You dont say how old your kids are. If they are of an age to understand perhaps they can help you both through this, but they may be too young?
    Have you approached your local branch of the AS?or your local social services office they will offer advice on looking after her and also are you being advised on the financial situation and what is available to you.

    Its going to be tough just you on your own so you will need help and advice - it is very difficult just to do this on your own especially with the diagnosis of moderate to severe. I think you will have to recognise at some point that you may not always be able to deal with the situation on your own and additional carers may have to be brought in or she may eventually have to go into care, but that day may be a little way a way yet. It depends really on how quickly she deteriorates.
     
  14. Liz333

    Liz333 Registered User

    Sep 2, 2010
    5
    Staffordshire
    Hi Sunny, my son is only 4 so he doesnt totally understand at the minute but he is very good with my Mum. She tends to argue with him alot and shout at him and sometimes its like he is the little adult when they are together.
    Social services have been involved yes but I have to say once they knew that I was capable of sorting everything out with Mum and giving her daily medication then to be honest I have never heard off them since. They promised that they would come and put a rail down her drive for her as she also has limited mobility which is something else I need to get medical help with, but that never happened and I havent heard off them since.
    She has recently had a CPN appointed and now she has been to the memory clinic maybe we will get more help now. My little boy starts school next week so hopefully I will be able to do more to help Mum, it just feels like a constant carousel at the minute. I do all I can but some days I feel like its a constant battle. She scored 38 out of 100 in the memory clinic and the Doctor said that if she was any worse then they wouldnt even be able to treat her. I dont really know anything about the medication they will put her on even the name of it once she passes the ECG, does anyone know anything about the medication and whether it actually helps? Thanks for all your help, I already feel so comforted that I have joined this site a few hours ago as everyone of you are so helpful Liz X
     
  15. sunny

    sunny Registered User

    Sep 1, 2006
    598
    #15 sunny, Sep 2, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2010
    at least she has been allocated a CPN who should be able to advise you on the medication along with your mum's GP - there are many medications some work some dont and some have quite a few side effects. Perhaps the CPN could liaise with the Social Services on your behalf? dont be afraid to ask for help if you need it which you will because otherwise people will just leave you to it until you have a breakdown so be a bit pushy now for your own sake.
     

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