Hi everyone I'm new, all about my stubborn mother

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Ray96, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. Ray96

    Ray96 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2018
    87
    Maybe I have done the wrong thing but I just told mother that if she refuses food and drink again today then its the end for her, that she will end up in hospital and that she might well not be ever coming home again. But its all pointless like speaking to a brick wall, she won't even take a sip of her tea, terrible to watch, just pushes everything away. It's these tummy pains that she gets every day now that worry me the most, she moans and holds herself but can't grasp that she needs to put something in there, that her stomach is empty, pure madness.
    Maybe calling an ambulance will be for the best.
     
  2. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,467
    leicester
    My suggestion dial 111, at least you will get a person to talk to who has access to a broad range of NHS services
     
  3. VerityH

    VerityH Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    77
    I would phone an ambulance now. I dialled 111 when my mum was ill in August and I spent 2 x 45 minutes asking questions off a list. In the meantime, she had a TIA and things got a lot worse. If she's in this much pain and refusing food and drink, it's best that she is taken into hospital where they can take care of her health needs. She is clearly not going to do what you want her to do (not her fault, or yours, obviously - it's just how dementia is sometimes) and the health professionals have ways of dealing with patients like this. You and she need help. Get on the phone now!
     
  4. Ray96

    Ray96 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2018
    87
    Just as I was about to call 999 she drunk a glass of water, thats something so I'll hold back a bit. Yes I called 111 last week and we talked about laxatives, and they also said if she does not improve she will have to go to hospital.

    She's still complaining of pain though and not feeling well.
     
  5. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,684
    North West
    I agree with nellbelles. Call 111. You will have to answer a lot of questions, that's how they work. Make some notes before you ring so that you'll have the answers to most of their questions to hand. Good luck!
     
  6. Wee sis

    Wee sis Registered User

    Sep 18, 2017
    7
     
  7. Wee sis

    Wee sis Registered User

    Sep 18, 2017
    7
    Just reading these posts has helped me calm down and stop the tears of frustration.
    I have a stinking cold and thought I’d convince oh to go for a nap then so could I. As we left living room a familiar smell hit me. I went into toilet but looked ok until I put lid down. Oh had emptied his bowels onto the lid then put it up. I swear he has the bowels of a horse. This is the second time in 3 days I’ve had the mess to clean up. The last one he transferred it from underpants to kitchen sink. He cleans his hands with hankies and the hides them. Today took me an hour as I had to remove toilet seat. Somehow the toilet was also blocked.
    It took me 5 goes to get onto this site as I forgot password. More tears. I don’t cry often or turn to drink but today it hit me.
    Not a pleasant post to read but it has calmed me down.
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,284
    Oh my dearest, I am so sorry about this. This poo business is so often the last straw isn't it. Why is it all so perverse? I am so sorry. Well done on getting through it. That was a hard time. I do hope this cold of yours clears up quickly. Kindred.
     
  9. Ray96

    Ray96 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2018
    87
    Yes its really nice to read all your posts, poor you Wee sis, this illness continues to amaze me in the various ways that it manifests itself, you really have no way of knowing what to expect next. Was thinking to myself today that I should have joined up here ages ago.

    Well a minor miracle has happened here, after drinking almost a glass of water earlier, I thought lets try some more and again she was refusing. So went to the fridge to see what else I could try, here's the detective in me coming out I guess.:rolleyes: Anyway I forgot that I had bought her Pineapple juice that she used to like, but having refused even a cup of tea the last couple of days I didn't hold out much hope. Anyway to cut a long story short she is currently on her fourth (medium) glass of the juice and a lot calmer, she has not drank so much in absolutely ages, thats more than 3 days put together.

    So we survive to fight another day, still not eating but the fluid intake in under an hour was quite remarkable. All I'd say is never give up, we know that their time is limited but by hook or by crook there are ways to keep them going and make them as safe and comfortable as possible. Just as well I didn't call an ambulance, I know that she would hate it in hospital.
     
  10. Sisu50

    Sisu50 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2018
    14
    Sadly I was in a similar situation in February this year. I had looked after both mum and dad for three years. Mum had advanced alzheimers and dad had moderate mixed dementia. Mum had to go into a home the day before he died. No one has ever told her her husband has died and on the one occasion when she mentioned him I said he had just gone for a newspaper. Mum did not attend the funeral and I feel, for our family, it was the right decision. It may not be the right decision for other people, but only you can decide.

    Sending you my best wishes at this awful time for you all.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,803
    Female
    South coast
    I had a similar problem with OH peeing onto the lid, so now I always keep the lid up.
    Another thing that might help is having a brightly coloured seat (red is the usual colour) as people with dementia often have trouble seeing white - it seems to sort of fade away, so if you have a white seat on a white toilet they often cant see it.
     
  12. Ray96

    Ray96 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2018
    87
    Sorry but what is the SS Ducky?
     
  13. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,467
    leicester
    Social Services sorry abbreviations can be a nightmare
     
  14. VerityH

    VerityH Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    77
    You are a marvel! Pineapple juice is what the midwives used to recommend putting in my baby's water when he was constipated. Brilliant idea - good job you had some in the fridge.
     
  15. Ray96

    Ray96 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2018
    87
    Well that pineapple juice was certainly a life saver yesterday, I also got prune juice today as I was given a couple of hours break and went out for a while, just in case the constipation does come back bad. She has been regular today and apart from some really bad confusion this morning has been very good, had some M&S Pavlova that a friend brought over this afternoon with a cup of tea, then has slept peacefully on and off since about 5pm.

    She did not want to go upstairs to bed last night though, wanted to stay on the sofa in front of the telly and fireplace, really cosy with her blankets and cushions so its ok for her to stay there. Mother had been spending a lot of time in her room the last month when she had gone right downhill and I guess she wants to be away from there for a while.
     

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