Hi everybody- I can't do it again

[Tarika]

Hi everybody,
I haven't posted much since mum died in August 2010 but I visit daily and read everybody's posts. It helps me to come to terms with what happened with mum.
Now, I really need some support because of what's happened today. It's not easy for me to ask for support as I've always tried to deal with everything myself.
My partner has had back pain for the past two years and got early retirement from his job as a delivery driver because of it. It's not got any better and at the end of February he had such severe pain that we ended up in A&E. The doctor recommended an MRI scan which he had a fortnight ago.
We went to see his consultant today- expecting to hear trapped nerve etc.........Then the consultant showed us the MRI scan compared to the one he had done in Oct 2010.
Basically, he said that there was something there that shoudn't be there. Translated it means that he thinks it could be cancerous.
We're both in shock- but I've had to say to him that I can't be his carer should it come to that. He agrees as he knows what I went through with mum.
We're not anywhere near that yet but I just wanted to share with you where I'm at and receive your support.

With Love
Tarika

 

[lady g]

Hi Tarika, really sorry to hear your news. What a sad situation for you both. Giving you all my love best wishes and hugs xxxx

 

[lupo]

So sorry to hear your news. I do hope it turns out ok for you both x

 

[Nebiroth]

Has the consultant actually said he suspects cancer? There are other possibilities - seeing "something that should not be there" is vague and does not inevitably mean cancer.

For example, not all brain tumours are cancerous. They may be referred to as "benign" although this does not mean they are harmless. It means that usually grow relatively slowly and do not spread. A tumour is usually 'graded' 1 through 4. Grades 1 and 2 are "benign" whilst grade 4 is the most harmful (ie, it grows quickly and/or it is likely to spread) and is often referred to as cancerous or 'malignant'

Treatment would depend on the location and type - if this does turn out to be a tumour. Even benign tumours can be harmful because they can press on or damage other partsof the brain.

 

[frazzled1]

also, so so sorry to hear your news. I wonder if having joined here, even after all that you have already been through, that after all, you MIGHT just find that you COULD cope with it all again after all??? I wonder....you sound such a strong character, or you would not have posted on here. I will understand if you dont find the inner strength to go through it all again but if you DO, that would be a miracle worth fighting for. I speak as someone who is a dementia carer and had 5 family members with cancer (2 needing long term care, 2 CURED (second family) and 1....PROBABLY GOING TO BE CURED AS WELL!!!. Its been a complete nightmare BUT i am still here! Still coping!!! still able to count to 5! Got family who say thanks to me they are still alive and thank me every morning (which makes it all worthwhile) wonderful caring kids and friends....but such an untidy house like Stig of the Dump and a face more haggard than any member of the Adams Family....but when you hit rock bottom the only way is up!! This could be the diagnosis from Hell but doctors arent always right....sometimes scans arent always correctly interpreted, and even when they ARE, new treatments surface and groundbreaking surgeries are offered and you can carry on enjoying much of life if not all of the things you previously did. Treasure all the small things you both CAN do and try to keep positive in the event that you dread the worst but the worst actually never happens.

 

[bunnies]

I hear your fear of living through caring for a very ill person. I just wanted to say that if it is a tumour in the spine it can't spread (ie be cancerous) though it can damage other things - my partner has lived with one for over 20 years, and we lead a more active life than many I know. So you don't need to assume that every illness is going to be the same, or as hard to deal with.

 

[danny]

Tarika, I am so sorry to hear your news. I really hope the prognosis is not as bad as you are thinking.

Keep us informed how things progress.

Here for you .
Best wishes, Angela.

 

[Grannie G]

I am so sorry Tarika, your dismay is evident and your fear is understandable. I`m sure you are in shock just now . Please don`t jump to conclusions if you can possibly avoid doing so. Wait till you have something definite.

I know it`s easy for me to say. Most of us expect the worst. I hope you don`t have to wait too long to know. xx

 

[Billie61]

First, I think you should be so proud of yourself to have done it all once. A lot of people wouldn't even consider it.

Also, I would say that caring for a poorly person must be very different than caring for a mentally ill person?
I can say that I would not want to care for a mentally ill relation again. Maybe I'm selfish in that I would like some appreciation or even a little acknowledgement from MIL, but she is moody and at times, horrible to me.

I will carry on doing my best for her to delay the time that she will have to go into residential care, but she has absolutely no idea of what we are doing for her, or what we have given up.....yep, selfish....

Anyway. Good luck.