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Hi, another fellow sufferer caring for a sufferer here.


Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
My experience of this nasty condition.
It’s like dealing with someone who’s totally and utterly drunk. Getting my mother dressed in the morning is like wrestling a whale. “Lean forward” you say, over and over, to someone who’s constantly leaning backwards, or sideways. Then we have “hunt the sleeve”, where I have to guide the hand through the sleeve, at the same time as holding her upright - one handed dressing is not easy. Then try to get the feet onto the gadget that lifts her into a standing position, guiding the hands onto the handles, and getting the belt around the back. Once up, it’s a quick change of the incontinence knickers, and rub some cream onto future bedsores.
Sit her in her chair, diabetes blood test, insulin injection, brush teeth and wash face, then go and prepare breakfast.
We’re at the occasional choke stage, so her bread with the crusts cut off, ham, tomato and tartare sauce doesn’t always go down too well, and takes getting on for an hour to eat. “Don’t forget your coffee” results in coffee invariably forgotten, reheated, to be forgotten again.
By lunchtime, she’s usually a bit more with it, listening to a bit of Bach beforehand, and even manages a banana on her own, except for the last little bit, then it’s back to bed for an afternoon nap, often until dinner time in the evening.
After dinner, she’s quite capable of staring at her glass of wine for hours. “Are you going to drink it?” “Yes” she says, staring at it for another half an hour.
The occasional paranoia of “someone’s emptied my purse” “But you don’t even know where your purse is and it’s empty anyway”.
“Did the plumber come?” “No we’re not expecting a plumber”
“There’s something on the stove” No, there’s nothing on the stove.
“There’s a joint of beef over there that needs putting in the freezer.” No, there’s nothing over there, you’re just dreaming.
“Do you want to put your feet up?” I ask. “No, I was thinking it’s about time I went home”.
I fully understand what anyone who is looking after someone with dementia is going though.
Now she has a horrendous bedsore that is getting worse, the nurses change the dressing every day, and it’s painful for her. Next stop hospital from which I expect there will be no return.
To be honest, it’s wearing me down, but I hope my experience will help other people come to terms with what they’ve got, and to know they aren’t alone.

Any ideas for anti-choke breakfast recipes?


Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
North West
Yes, it may come to that, though it's not very hammy or tomatoey.
Very difficult to get someone to eat something that is reasonably safe from choking on. I was lucky mum only choked with very specific foods so most of the time she was fine and happy with the meals provided by a master chef -if I must say so myself.

Its so hard the same routine everyday, done patiently and with love, sounds like you do an excellent job in a very difficult time of life


Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
Thanks Palerider
Lunch and dinner are no problem - lots of sauces etc, Breakfast is the real problem. I've even thought of liquidising the bread/ham/tomato combination. We also have a problem with constipation, so scrambled eggs aren't really an option.


Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @GillPJ

Yes it’s exhausting looking after someone with this dread disease. I used to find myself going along with my dad’s version of reality as correcting him only lead to an argument...
I don’t know if you’ve seen our thread on compassionate communication I was lucky enough to be introduced to it before dad and I came to (verbal) blows!

How about adding baked beans to the scrambled eggs to help things along?


Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
Thanks Bunpoots, I'll have a read of that.
Not a bad idea, although she's not keen on baked beans.


Registered User
Dec 16, 2016
I give my dad banana porridge with lots of milk for breakfast most days. He has cancer of the oesophagus and so eating is difficult for him, but he manages the porridge really well. Good luck.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
she's not keen on baked beans
Would mashing them make it more palatable?
Just as a little aside, OH suffers from constipation too. I have been making cake using chopped prunes instead of sultanas/raisins and it seems to work quite well.


Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
Yes, prunes might be an idea, she used to like dried prunes. She's addicted to lemon sorbet, which, loaded with sugar, isn't very good for diabetes, so maybe some fruit substitutes like that would be better. Bananas too, leafylaine. She has a banana most days but they do seem to spike her blood sugar levels. This is becoming quite a difficult thing to balance - fibre/sugar/swallowability.