Hi and advice please

louise292

Registered User
Jan 3, 2008
5
Hi

I've been reading the posts for a while now and I'm seeing soooooooooo many familar stories so am hoping for some suggestions as to where to go now?

A potted history, my mum in law has always been what would be considered 'eccentric' and I believe that this has masked what has been going on for a LONG time.

Last March, after having had many fonecalls from her at all hours of the night saying that there was a man in the house stealing all her knickers (she had been a widow since 1989) we received a call from the police to say that they had had to break in because she was screaming and hollering that she couldn't get out of her room (she had been living in her bedroom for a long time by then-we don't know how long because she wouldn't let us is)
Cut to ambulance, A&E and social worker. She was discharged that night to our house with a script for antibiotics due to a UTI.

We do not have a spare room so she slept on our sofa in our only lounge, refusing to get washed/changed and being abusive to me (turns out that she thought that my hubby was her hubby, it was her house and I was the third person in the relationship' I lost the plot and ss arranged for emergency respite and assessment for her (for my sanity not hers, she was quite happy where she was)She moved that day.


She was in the residential home until mid Dec when she moved to her other son's pending completion of building work at our home to accomodate her.

The last few weeks at the home she went down quite quickly-she was refusing meals/washing and medication and was also becoming agressive.

On a discharge meeting with social services we were told that the pysch said that there was no evidence of any mental health issues-we could not believe it and were horrified that she had been there in an EMI unit if it wasn't necessary (though in reality we just didn't accept the pysch lack of diagnosis)


She is now with my brother in law,(with a temp GP)has refused to eat or drink for 2 weeks, wont get out of bed, has no idea where she is, last weekend she was 19(she is 84) Is weeing all over the place (she is again on antibiotics for UTI)won't get dressed/changed and has had several falls.

We are down there again this weekend. I can cope with her, for soem reason I have developed this calm serenity around her, I just agree and distract, if that fails I leave!

Sorry to ramble there is so much more

Thanks for reading


louise
 

elaineo2

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
945
leigh lancashire
Hi Louise,what a scenario!It's unbelievable that the S/W and medics says theres nothing wrong.The thing is and this may seem harsh to you,there is a shortage of emi beds all over the country.the government have now relaxed guidelines on residential homes and they are now allowed to take emi residents.if agression is apparent and witnessed then emi is the way to go,but it beats me that people will be misplaced and then eventually have to move.Is that fair on anyone?
hope you keep well elainex
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Dear Louise,
I think that what has been happening is completely uncceptable. They must have thought there was something wrong in the first place to take action.
Perhaps if you wrote everything down and gave copies to S.W. Doctor anyone who has been involved and stress you are not satisfied.
This is so distressing to deal with and I wish you the best of luck, Christine
 

DickG

Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
558
84
Stow-on-the-Wold
A comment on Elaine's observation on the governments allowing care homes to accept EMI residents. Having searched for a care home for Mary over the past 3 months I can confirm that this is the case, however they will only accept them on the homes terms. In my case this was on the understanding that if(?) Mary's condition deteriorated I would have to find another home for her. How could anyone accept these terms? By a great stroke of good luck an EMI bed became available in a home within walking distance.

The lack of permanent EMI beds is a national disgrace.

It seems to me Christine that an EMI unit is not recommended for your mum based on the lack of EMI beds and not on need. Once again there is a post code lottery being operated. I do hope that your situation improves soon, I can only endorse all that has been said.

Dick
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Louise

What a difficult situation.

On a discharge meeting with social services we were told that the pysch said that there was no evidence of any mental health issues-we could not believe it and were horrified that she had been there in an EMI unit if it wasn't necessary (though in reality we just didn't accept the pysch lack of diagnosis)
This makes no sense at all. From your description, your mother-in-law shows every sign of dementia of one form or another.

Why not ring the Alzheimer's Society tomorrow, and see what they suggest? You really need a definite diagnosis so that you can access more help.

The AS helpline number is:

0845 300 0336

Welcome to TP, by the way, keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
 

louise292

Registered User
Jan 3, 2008
5
Hi

I've been reading the posts for a while now and I'm seeing soooooooooo many familar stories so am hoping for some suggestions as to where to go now?

A potted history, my mum in law has always been what would be considered 'eccentric' and I believe that this has masked what has been going on for a LONG time.

Last March, after having had many fonecalls from her at all hours of the night saying that there was a man in the house stealing all her knickers (she had been a widow since 1989) we received a call from the police to say that they had had to break in because she was screaming and hollering that she couldn't get out of her room (she had been living in her bedroom for a long time by then-we don't know how long because she wouldn't let us is)
Cut to ambulance, A&E and social worker. She was discharged that night to our house with a script for antibiotics due to a UTI.

We do not have a spare room so she slept on our sofa in our only lounge, refusing to get washed/changed and being abusive to me (turns out that she thought that my hubby was her hubby, it was her house and I was the third person in the relationship' I lost the plot and ss arranged for emergency respite and assessment for her (for my sanity not hers, she was quite happy where she was)She moved that day.


She was in the residential home until mid Dec when she moved to her other son's pending completion of building work at our home to accomodate her.

The last few weeks at the home she went down quite quickly-she was refusing meals/washing and medication and was also becoming agressive.

On a discharge meeting with social services we were told that the pysch said that there was no evidence of any mental health issues-we could not believe it and were horrified that she had been there in an EMI unit if it wasn't necessary (though in reality we just didn't accept the pysch lack of diagnosis)


She is now with my brother in law,(with a temp GP)has refused to eat or drink for 2 weeks, wont get out of bed, has no idea where she is, last weekend she was 19(she is 84) Is weeing all over the place (she is again on antibiotics for UTI)won't get dressed/changed and has had several falls.

We are down there again this weekend. I can cope with her, for soem reason I have developed this calm serenity around her, I just agree and distract, if that fails I leave!

Sorry to ramble there is so much more

Thanks for reading


louise
Quick update because I was going to bed an hour ago lol

She is now with us, although her ground floor rooms are not quite ready. My (and now her)GP has been great, triggered district nurse assement (commode, frame, cushion and mattress deliverd same day )pads ordered and urgent consultant referal sent for :)

So far the main issues have been urinary incontinence other than that so long as we join her in her world it's ok :) :) :)

Tonight however, I popped in b4 bed (now wide awake) to a horrible smell to find poo covered hands and bed etc.........I'm not sure whether this is a dementia or mental health issue- she tries to dig it out lots (apologies for graphic detail please delete if not good)

Tomo I'm back at work SS coulndt sort anything out got tomo :(

Tomo pm have emergensy sw assessment thank god, I'm no sure this is right for anyone?

Hubby his amazing but this weeken he#s been in bits :( :(

Any suggestions or is it a matter of like it or lump it?


louise
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
Hi Louise

Its not something I've ever actually experienced but what you describe I have heard about here on TP: I think it's sometimes called "manual evacuation" and I have no idea why someone does it, just that they do. It does seem to be a response to massive constipation. Whatever the cause, though, it's very difficult to deal with. You could try a laxative if it's constipation, assuming there's nothing like faecal impaction going on - you should definitely check with the GP first.

This is one thread http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=8888
 
Last edited:

louise292

Registered User
Jan 3, 2008
5
Thanks for that, great thread :)

She has been on lactulose for a long time and she is def not constipated-seen it, smelt it, wiped it lol It seems like an OCD with her................she HAS to 'expel' and has to wipe (with one square of paper) until it's 'all gone'

I'm just happy hat my13 year old didn't have to see/deal with the mess in the bathroom.

its a terrible disease :(
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,827
Kent
Dear Louise.
I really do hope you get some more support from the SW assessment today.
Take care
Love xx
 

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