Hi! A intro
- Thread starter ElaineMaul
- Start date
Dear Lila, what a relief for you, hope things continue to go well for her and for you. Love She. XX
Neighbours
She goes round to the neighbours and complains she's running out of bread, so they kindly buy a loaf for her (she has no cash to pay them, she said "you can't expect me to understand economics" and gave it all away). The next day the milkman delivers bread as requested, and she complains about the milkman, why is he bringing bread when she's got enough already, and what is she to do with all this bread?
But I can't expect neighbours to check with me before buying anything for her.
She goes round to the neighbours and complains she's running out of bread, so they kindly buy a loaf for her (she has no cash to pay them, she said "you can't expect me to understand economics" and gave it all away). The next day the milkman delivers bread as requested, and she complains about the milkman, why is he bringing bread when she's got enough already, and what is she to do with all this bread?
But I can't expect neighbours to check with me before buying anything for her.
Dear Lila, how I feel for you! Its all par for the course I'm afraid. Never the less, when its your loved one doing these things its a nightmare with no way of controlling it. If you can thank her neighbours for their kindness and perhaps ask them to ring you when these things happen, you would at least have it logged down, the day to day problems etc and make them known to your Mums GP or specialist. I knowit makes you feel like you are betraying her, but better that than something happenning because she did something that put her at real risk. Thinking of you. Love She. XX
Whatever she does, whether she has a minor accident or asks neighbours for food while letting stuff go mouldy in her own fridge, etc. is all used as ammunition by those who say "put her in a home".
If they just mean somewhere out of their sight, they can go elsewhere!
If they just mean somewhere out of their sight, they can go elsewhere!
Dear Lila, yes, totally agree. Some people are very intolerant of any one with memory problems sadly. But, there but for the grace etc!! We none of us know whats round the corner do we, they might need help themselves one day. It is so hard trying to get the balance right and to enhance a persons independance whilst ensuring their well being isn't it? My own Mum was in need of back up for many years, she thought she had it all under control, but as time went by, the veneer became thinner and thinner till in the end I had to insist she live with me. It caused a lot of aggro from her as she argued she was fine, but once she had started going to the shops etc very late in the night and then having some one from the shop bring her home etc, I knew the time had come. Fate lent a hand because she had a severe chest infection. I fetched her home to ours to "convaless" then I just didn't take her home. I just kept passing it off that we would see about it tomorrow etc. In my humble opinion, this stage, when they are insisting all is OK, desperately fighting to keep their independance etc. Its one of the cruelest stages and the most heart rending and taxing for carers. What ever you do is wrong, do too much, they despise you, do too little, they are at risk, nightmare! Do please keep writing Lila, just talking about it here, even if it doesn't solve anything, it will help you through, I know it has me. Luvanhugs, She. XX
Lila
"Forgive them for the know not what they do" Those of us stuck in this mental turmoil have a hint as to how each of us feels, not knowledge but a hint.
Hugs
Dick
"Forgive them for the know not what they do" Those of us stuck in this mental turmoil have a hint as to how each of us feels, not knowledge but a hint.
Hugs
Dick
Yes, it could happen to any of us.
My mother doesn't think she's got it all under control, but then ... she doesn't think anything consistently.
She wouldn't live with me (nor would I choose to live with her) but we can and will eventually move (both of us) to live nearer each other, so that I can pop round often enough to sort out bread situations.
One good thing, she commented this morning on how boring our conversations are getting, (what did you have for dinner? what are you having for supper? etc.) and I think it is a good sign that she's perceiving this for herself.
My mother doesn't think she's got it all under control, but then ... she doesn't think anything consistently.
She wouldn't live with me (nor would I choose to live with her) but we can and will eventually move (both of us) to live nearer each other, so that I can pop round often enough to sort out bread situations.
One good thing, she commented this morning on how boring our conversations are getting, (what did you have for dinner? what are you having for supper? etc.) and I think it is a good sign that she's perceiving this for herself.
She might have to go in a home eventually anyway, of course, we all might end up in homes, but she hasn't reached that stage yet, and hospitals etc. are full of people in a much worse state than my mother, "blocking beds" while waiting for places in homes.
Lila
Lila
Lila
when my dad first became too poorly to look after himself last summer I was told that I should have done something about it earlier and that it had been obvious that he was deteriorating (as if I hadnt noticed that thephone calls to come and sort the tv, heating etc hadnt become more regular!) but my dad was happiest at home and I know that although it wasn't an ideal situation I constantly worried that he would leave the gas electric on, he was happiest in his own home and that he lived as he had always lived right up until the last moment that he couldnt
when he first went into a care home he was 'pleasantly confused' but he often said he felt like a prisonerand although the care was very good all he wanted to do go out for a walk on his own and fell free
I know for my dad anyway it was certainly the best thing to let him stay at home
take care Lila and keep strong
love
karenx
when my dad first became too poorly to look after himself last summer I was told that I should have done something about it earlier and that it had been obvious that he was deteriorating (as if I hadnt noticed that thephone calls to come and sort the tv, heating etc hadnt become more regular!) but my dad was happiest at home and I know that although it wasn't an ideal situation I constantly worried that he would leave the gas electric on, he was happiest in his own home and that he lived as he had always lived right up until the last moment that he couldnt
when he first went into a care home he was 'pleasantly confused' but he often said he felt like a prisonerand although the care was very good all he wanted to do go out for a walk on his own and fell free
I know for my dad anyway it was certainly the best thing to let him stay at home
take care Lila and keep strong
love
karenx
Depends partly how near you are to be able to travel back and sort out the TV, heating, or bread. My mother's given up on TV now, I don't think she's switched it on for the last 4 months, but a regular favourite is the bread muddle. "I've done the bread wrong again" (taken the whole loaf out of the freezer so it goes mouldy before she's finished it)
(Me: "Which day does the milkman bring bread?"
Mother: "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday.")
I don't think this means she has to go into a care home, I do think it means she needs to be nearer to me so that I can "sort out the bread", as it seems the careworkers can't or won't do it.
The sort of home my brother wants to put her in feels like a prison to me, and he thinks she's past noticing, or soon will be. And I don't.
Lila
(Me: "Which day does the milkman bring bread?"
Mother: "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday.")
I don't think this means she has to go into a care home, I do think it means she needs to be nearer to me so that I can "sort out the bread", as it seems the careworkers can't or won't do it.
The sort of home my brother wants to put her in feels like a prison to me, and he thinks she's past noticing, or soon will be. And I don't.
Lila
DickG said:
Hi Dick,
I haven't visited the site for quite a while for one reason or another but thanks for your advice. An update is in order ..... apparently my Dad is not suitable for Aricept because his pulse is so slow .... in the 60s range. This does seem incredibly low ....... his doctor did suggest that it could be possible to have a pace-maker fitted and then the drug could be given ...... but to be quite honest the risk of such surgery weighed against a short(ish) time of improvement when on Aricept doesn't seem worth it. However, the doctor has commented on how fit my Dad is; he walks everywhere and always has done. Dad is now 75 but towards the end of last year, after taking his sister home by bus to Tottenham, he discovered that the buses weren't running back to Enfield because the Spurs were playing ........ so he walked home to Enfield ...... took 2 hours ....... worried my Mum sick ....... he must have walked a good 5 miles! Why he didn't think to phone me (I only live in Cheshunt) Lord only knows!!! (He probably wouldn't have remembered my phone number ...... but he genuinely didn't see what the problem was!).
When they're round my house every week, Dad is very quiet ... it's hard to involve him in conversations. Mum says he gets very confused when things out of the ordinary happen ..... and he can't really cope with going to get shopping on his own. However, since we can't stop him walking round places (and wouldn't want to either) ..... he has his name, address and phone number on a slip of paper with his bus pass, so hopefully he (or someone else?) would find it if required. However, I've convinced him that taking his sister home on a Sunday is not a good idea! She goes home on her own whilst it's still light. My reasoning ..... which he accepted ........ was that I was worried about the number of attacks on people after dark and that I was worried about him doing this. It's funny but he seems to accept things from me ........ whereas he will argue the toss with my Mum or brother.
Anyhow ....... I'll try not to take so long to reply to messages next time!
Take care all.
Elaine
Hi Elaine
Mary has occaisional arhythmia episodes during which her heart stops briefly and it has been agreed that if the problem gets worse she will be fitted with a pacemaker as it is a routine day procedure. At no time has it been suggested that taking Aricept could be a problem. Our relatively long experience of Aricept convinces me it is invaluable in slowing down the progress of AD.
Yor dad's behaviour is familiar to me and reading TP postings seems fairly typical, however there are so many different reported behaviours that I am not surprised by any new ones that Mary exhibits.
I no longer look for answers and explanations, I just try to cope and still live a life.
Hugs
Dick
Mary has occaisional arhythmia episodes during which her heart stops briefly and it has been agreed that if the problem gets worse she will be fitted with a pacemaker as it is a routine day procedure. At no time has it been suggested that taking Aricept could be a problem. Our relatively long experience of Aricept convinces me it is invaluable in slowing down the progress of AD.
Yor dad's behaviour is familiar to me and reading TP postings seems fairly typical, however there are so many different reported behaviours that I am not surprised by any new ones that Mary exhibits.
I no longer look for answers and explanations, I just try to cope and still live a life.
Hugs
Dick
Hi Dick,
Your comment about a slow heartbeat NOT being a contra-indication for taking Aricept is interesting ...... and surprising! It gets hard to know who to believe in the end!
However, I fully trust my Mum and Dad's doctor. She seems to be very supportive, having had to cope with an Aunt that had dementia ........ from the way my Mum has described her, I really believe the doctor would do everything she could to help.
I'm also surprised about a pacemaker being a routine day procedure! But what do I know!
Like you........ it's one day at a time. Although, that's easy for me to say! It's my Mum who is coping most with each one of these days ....... as it would seem, so are you!
However, I'm sure at a deep level Mary knows and appreciates what you are doing. Take care.
Elaine
Your comment about a slow heartbeat NOT being a contra-indication for taking Aricept is interesting ...... and surprising! It gets hard to know who to believe in the end!
However, I fully trust my Mum and Dad's doctor. She seems to be very supportive, having had to cope with an Aunt that had dementia ........ from the way my Mum has described her, I really believe the doctor would do everything she could to help.
I'm also surprised about a pacemaker being a routine day procedure! But what do I know!
Like you........ it's one day at a time. Although, that's easy for me to say! It's my Mum who is coping most with each one of these days ....... as it would seem, so are you!
However, I'm sure at a deep level Mary knows and appreciates what you are doing. Take care.
Elaine
