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He's violent again!

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
Dad (78) has been in a care environment for 14 months. Initially at a CH, who couldn't cope with his aggressive and violent behaviour. It would occur sporadically without any warning. He punched and pushed several carers and residents, and was eventually taken to an assessment unit after having attempted to strangle a female resident. He was there for 3 months. I then had to find him a nursing home, where he has been since April. It was limiting because I had to advice any potential NH of his type of behaviour.
Diagnosed with FTD, VasD, and possible LBD in late 2011; this makes for a very complicated illness. He exhibited a form of ' limb separation' at one stage, which involved him thinking my limbs were separate objects. He often thinks his limbs are objects, particularly his fingers. At times he can be very sweet and possibly knows who we are, but these times are becoming rare. He fluctuates so vastly that it's impossible to know what you are about to encounter at each visit. He was always a very complex, ultra intelligent, unusual character. But he was always so very, very chilled.

The staff are wary of him. Their view is that if he resists personal care, they'll leave him and return later. I can understand that, but quite often, and increasingly so, his personal care isn't being met. He is quite often left for too long in soiled pads. I have been told he dislikes female carers because he believes they are trying to molest him. :( In 'his world' they are work colleagues, so why would they do that!
I have recently noticed that his nails are often dirty with faeces. His toenails are talons, because they are reluctant to have anyone in to do them. I have spoken to the Manager about this today.

The violence has recently returned again. 2 weeks ago he punched a carer in her back. Last Friday, he punched a frail lady resident in the face. She is tiny. He floored the poor lady.
He has been given every type of medication possible, which has been tweaked again and again. The MHT say there is nothing else they can try. He is regularly tested for UTIs.
The lady in question doesn't have any family, but the home have reported this incident to her social worker. I visited Dad today and saw the lady sporting a black eye and bruised nose. To hear about what he has done is bad enough, but to see the evidence is quite another. I know I can't do anything, but I'm finding this so very difficult.
I know it's pointless, but I tell myself that he would want me to stop him doing this. I can't, I know that. I do fear for what might happen next.
I know there aren't any answers, but I'm hoping to feel a bit better by just writing this down.
I miss my Dad, and I just want to do all I can to protect the person he now is, and the other residents.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Your poor Dad, poor you and that poor poor lady. I don't know the answer but I thinking he may well get sectioned, for his safety and the safety of others. I have seen other posters saying at first they were fearful but it was a positive experience as she was in the right place.

I don't know if that is something you would want to consider or even if it's possible from this stage. I hope other wiser posters will be here soon for you with their experiences.
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
Thank you Noorza. He doesn't need sectioning. He would just go anyway. He was put under a voluntary section before, but as we know, they don't keep them there. I would have to then find him another NH. His current one seem to not worry too much about these 'events'. I know that they are struggling to fill their rooms, so will hold on to him until they really can't. It isn't good enough is it? :(
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Thank you Noorza. He doesn't need sectioning. He would just go anyway. He was put under a voluntary section before, but as we know, they don't keep them there. I would have to then find him another NH. His current one seem to not worry too much about these 'events'. I know that they are struggling to fill their rooms, so will hold on to him until they really can't. It isn't good enough is it? :(

I realise it is not your Dad's fault but if my Mum went into a home and got a black eye from another resident, I'd play merry hell with the home. I think if he is going to stay in the home they have to come up with the answers, it's their responsibility, it's up to them to ensure their resident's health and safety.

I'd be having a meeting with them to be honest they get paid enough.
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
I totally agree Noorza. If it was my mum I would be creating merry hell too. How do I over-ride the system though? Dad is self funding. I'm not going to find another home to take him. If I can get him into an assessment unit again, it will be short-lived. Dad isn't constantly violent, and has the ability to appear very calm at times. I can't bear the thought of another resident being hurt. I don't know what to do!
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I totally agree Noorza. If it was my mum I would be creating merry hell too. How do I over-ride the system though? Dad is self funding. I'm not going to find another home to take him. If I can get him into an assessment unit again, it will be short-lived. Dad isn't constantly violent, and has the ability to appear very calm at times. I can't bear the thought of another resident being hurt. I don't know what to do!

That is what I am saying Southlucia, you have to be concerned with your Dad's care. It is the home's job to come up with the ideas and procedures to keep the other resident's safety. I wouldn't know what to do either, but the home should. I do feel for you because without dementia your Dad wouldn't be hitting vulnerable ladies, we are not dealing with a violent man, but an ill one, whose illness makes him violent, huge difference.
 
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LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
I think in this case sectioning is the answer. He needs an extended stay not a quick fix situation. There must be some medication or combination of meds to help him. I'm so sorry that you are all going throgh this, It must be heartbreaking for you all.

Take care

Lyn T
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,705
0
Wiltshire
I wonder if there are some tactics that need to be deployed in order to get better attention for your dad. I would be suggesting that he is sectioned in the hope that he is there for more than 28 days. This would then mean he has to be held under a section 3 which means he would qualify for section 117 aftercare. I would then fight for him therefore to have one on one care 24/7 with the argument that they have to protect both staff and other residents. This, to me, is the only way your dad is going the proper level of care that he needs.

As always, just my views on what I think should happen.

I hope you find a solution that meets everyone's needs.

Fiona
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
That is what I am saying Southlucia, you have to be concerned with your Dad's care.
Am I reading that wrong? Did you actually read what I said? I'm trying to do everything I can. I hate the fact he can (unintentionally) hurt others. Assessment units are just that! They won't keep him. Where does he go then? The fact is, there isn't anywhere that will cope with him. I'd hate us to go back to the days of the institutions, but there has to be a middle ground. It isn't right for the NR to make major decisions for someone who is very ill. It wouldn't happen if he had any other disease.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Am I reading that wrong? Did you actually read what I said? I'm trying to do everything I can. I hate the fact he can (unintentionally) hurt others. Assessment units are just that! They won't keep him. Where does he go then? The fact is, there isn't anywhere that will cope with him. I'd hate us to go back to the days of the institutions, but there has to be a middle ground. It isn't right for the NR to make major decisions for someone who is very ill. It wouldn't happen if he had any other disease.

No no no that's not what I meant I am so sorry if I put that clumsily. I really am. I know you are doing everything for your Dad, I was trying to confirm that not questioning it. I am so sorry if I worded that badly. Your post was so clear that you hate him hurting others.

What I was trying to say and saying obviously very badly, is that your concern is your father's care, the homes concern is the care of the other patients. I was trying to say that is the homes responsibility to keep all residents safe. I wanted to convey it was hard for you and I wouldn't know what to do for the best either.

I am truly sorry I came across as critical that's not what I meant.
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
I'm sorry I'm jumped on you Noorza. Not always easy to decipher what someone intends to mean when typing is it! I'm finding this situation very stressful. I do appreciate your input :eek:
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
Thanks Fifimo. I'll look in to this tomorrow. It's been a very tough 18 months with Dad. So much, so quickly. I know the NH will be reluctant for him to go, so I don't know how to get him sectioned as yet. His CH arranged this before, under a voluntary section because they wanted him gone.
I'll read up on the types of section. Still so very wrong that I have to continually decide every event of his life. :mad:
Thank you all for your advise. :)
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I'm sorry I'm jumped on you Noorza. Not always easy to decipher what someone intends to mean when typing is it! I'm finding this situation very stressful. I do appreciate your input :eek:

Don't worry when our posts are typed the emotion can be lost. My emotion says give you a huge hug as I know how you feel, my written word can be clumsily written.
I'm so sorry if I caused you any offence it wasn't meant.
 

grobertson62

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
581
0
Sheffield
My dad was subjected to some abuse from a much bigger bloke in his NH. The safe guarding team and a CPN was called to decide what and how they could help Bill. this worked and he became calmer. Some of it was to do with his meds docs not always sure what to do.
Some was training of staff to spot danger signs to prevent his flair up.
Hope you get something sorted. Its not easy and its not his fault. Its the illness
Gill
 

Pheath

Registered User
Dec 31, 2009
1,094
0
UK
Dear southlucia

Afraid I can’t offer useful advice except to say that I really feel for you and have some idea of the stress and distress you’re feeling. Like your dad, mine has also got a mixed type of dementia incl. poss Lewys Bodies which is a particularly nasty type and can be very unpredictable with mood swings. My dad, although past being physically violent, shouts a lot in his care home and is increasingly causing disharmony there and having to be segregated. I feel so churned up visiting him and am often reeling for hours afterwards as compared to the other residents he definitely seems the one the home find hardest to deal with.
It’s utterly wrong though that your dad’s home are neglecting him due to his behaviour which of course is not his fault and do hope the manager gave you some reassurance his care needs would be better met in the future. You must go back to him/her if needs be and you’re not satisfied. Perhaps are there triggers that might set him off that the home could use strategies to work around and pick up on early warning signs when his mood might be turning? Wish I could offer something more concrete but we’re struggling here too and know sometimes things can’t always easily be put right. Wishing you strength – you’re not on your own.
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,791
0
Hertfordshire
I wish I could offer some real words that would help. You are in a living nightmare and you need a professional to really listen to you.

As others have said, there must be something which could be done, and sectioning would give the time for medication to be tweaked and after effects watched.

I send you a hug too.

Jeannette
 

lilysmybabypup

Registered User
May 21, 2012
1,263
0
Sydney, Australia
As Gill has said, it seems to me that there are professionals who need to be called in to assess your Dad's situation and come up with a workable care plan. You must be utterly beside yourself with worry and sadness, how cruel this disease is, affecting all with its fallout.

You are floundering because you're trying to come up with a solution when it shouldn't be your responsibility. The CH should have a clinical team who can work out ways to address the outbursts. I can understand the carers avoiding the conflicts but it isn't good enough for them to just leave him without the care he deserves. How dreadfully hard for you, I feel so much for you. My dad was normally very placid and easygoing until he had to go to hospital, he then became angry and verbally abusive when the nurses tried to change him, only he disliked the males doing it, telling them to stop touching him. He was never incontinent at home but had laxatives which caused him to have accidents in his pad and then needed changing, all so traumatic.

I really hope you can get the help you need to settle your dad and your own distress. Big hugs and buckets of empathy to you. I wish I could be of more help, it's just an impossible condition and so terribly unfair.

Stephanie, xxx
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
0
Thank you all for your kind words and advise. I find this all the harder because I'm a single parent, and it all tends to fly around in my head in the evenings with no-one to chat to. I shall keep fighting for my dad.
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,705
0
Wiltshire
We're all here for you if you need to chat, even if you just want to have a rant about the injustice of it all and the stress that it is causing you too.

I had another thought and that is that, if you get the feeling that there is no great great urgency to get appropriate help for your dad, it might be worth considering paying for a private consultation with his neurologist or psychiatrist. If your dad is self funding then better that some of his money goes on his health rather than on care home fees. We went private with my mother. Had so much more attention than they have time for on the NHS and got an in depth report sent afterwards. It cost us about £150 and the neurologist then urgently referred her back to his NHS clinic. Not that I agree with doing this, but sometimes needs must.

Just trying to give you some options to keep up your sleeve.

Fiona