After much heartache we told fil last week that he was not going to be able to go back home. He cried and told us to go and not bother coming back and then in the next breath asked us when we were going to visit him again. We saw him again yesterday and made a conscious decision not to mention the flat ever again. We took him a beautiful Camelia to care for in the home's garden. We had chosen it because he had had one previously and he loved it, but it has now withered so we bought another one. Sadly, our enthusiasm and excitement for it wasn't met by his, he was completely emotionless about it and we didn't even get a thank you. We asked him what he had been up to but every time we tried to distract him onto a different subject he just went on and on (almost whiney and childlike ) about the flat and how we can't stop him going and he was going to get the law onto us , but he couldn't even tell us the address of where he lived. It was the most depressing visit and we both left feeling mentally battered and drained. Hubby said he can't keep doing this every weekend as it is so stressful and maybe the more we go the more he relates to the flat. We have arranged companionship visits twice a week where he will be taken out for coffee, ice cream etc so hopefully that will be good for him. He is well cared for in the home, safe, well fed and looks healthier than he has for months but he said he wants to commit suicide which is awful to hear. Hubby feels so guilty but he knows that he is in the right place. He needs 24 hour care, but we are getting all the blame for putting him there. He hates me and has told people who visit how awful I am and everything is my fault. Hubby hates seeing him berating me constantly but I have told him I will not stop going as he is not the fil I once knew and loved but it is very hurtful. I hate how stressed hubby is and how much it is affecting him. He has no brothers or sisters or other relatives and his mum died of liver disease in 2003, our children were only young and that was very hard for him to watch her die but I feel he is even more upset trying to cope with his dad.
I just don't know what to do to help him.
I just don't know what to do to help him.
Last edited: