Hereditary...tactlessness?

[mandyp]

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and what they think about it.

Since telling people that Mum has AD at such a young age, I find that a lot of people (somewhere in their reaction) feel the need to point out that AD can be hereditary and ask if you're worried about it? I'm finding it's beginning to annoy me and am trying hard to bite my tongue.

My sister in law actually had the nerve to phone my husband and 'advise' him that perhaps he should start planning for what might happen to me in the future....or that he should maybe consider what the future could hold for him. Obviously this is what has infuriated me most, but I wondered if any children of parents with AD had experience of people commenting on the likliehood that they could get it and how they've dealt with it. So far, I point out that it's unlikely.

It's made me paranoid to mention Mum's AD in work, just in case people start to think that it'll happen to me. This bothers me as it makes me feel like I'm ashamed of Mum, which I'm not. I know I shouldn't give a stuff about anyone else's (narrowminded) opinions.

Personally, me getting it is neither here nor there right now, I'm more worried about Mum's welfare but I am getting a little fed up with the prophets of doom that I seem to know!

 

[Rosalind]

Aren't people extraordinary? Your heading was a good one, though. Suggest next time you enquire 'Is your tactlessness inherited, or is yours the first generation to suffer from it?'

 

[mandyp]

Yes, couldn't quite think of a title as I'm not really asking about AD being hereditary.....very good response though!

 

[zed]

It is incredible the things people say, isn't it? My mum was diagnosed with frontal-lobe dementia aged 57. This kind of dementia is sometimes hereditary. Her mother also had dementia, but it seems that it was vascular dementia, and she got it much later in life, and her symptoms were very different, so it is unlikely that it is the same type as mum's. However, my grandfather died in his fifties, so he may have been the one carrying the gene, and died before he developed it.

So I have this hanging over me. I am not too worried about it, as it is still very unlikely that Mum has the hereditary form. But the other day my Aunt said to me "of course, it could be you next". As if I needed reminding.

 

[zed]

P.S. My coping strategy is reminding myself that no one knows the future, I could win the lottery tomorrow, I could be in an accident tomorrow, and remembering that I have a partner who loves me no matter what, and that Mum may not have the hereditary form, in fact it is very likely that she doesn't. As there is a history of stroke in my family, and 2 of my aunts have had breat cancer, I will concentrate on worrying about that instead!!!

 

[JoC]

I just want to say that actually I have not really had this experience. And my Mum did actually have familial Alzheimer's which is genetic.
I do find that when I tell people about the fact that I have a 50% chance of having it, they ask me if I have been tested. Bearing in mind that I am actually only 24!!!! I politely answer 'NO'. I normally get 'oh I would want to know if it was me!!'. This totally gets on my nerves! They have no idea how damn hard it is to live with this every single day of my life.
My ex mother in law once actually said that I shouldn't have had my son - her grandson - without finding out first!!! The cheek of some people!
I just try and remember that people like that are just totally naive and lack essential life experience. I just let them get on with it and let it wash over me!

 

[mandyp]

It seems that people really can be incredibly dumb sometimes. While it infuriates me, if Mums was genetic I don't think I'd want to know either. One of my friends Dad's had Hogkinsons and he doesn't want to take a test to find out whether or not he'll have it.

I just can't understand why people feel the need to try to make an already horrible situation worse than it already is. It is a nerve, it is thoughtless and downright rude!

Have to say I thought my sister in law was bad, but to suggest that you should have been tested prior to having children is disgusting.....it would've taken me all my time not to hook her one!

It's sad that people can't offer support when it's needed and just listen if friends/family wish to talk about it without trying to add a whole lot of negativity when all we really want to do is find something positive in this dreadful situation.

Ah well, it seems the world is full of moron's with opinions they should really keep to themselves!

 

[Brucie]

There's a chance that anyone can get dementia. As far as I know there ARE no concrete tests that might show one could get it, only supposition.

So, a chance then.

But stupidity, while not necessarily genetic, is a lifelong condition for which there is also no cure.

It is no comfort to realise that, were there sure-fire medication for stupidity, NICE would definitely withhold agreement for the NHS to use it.

 

[Norman]

Seems to me that someone is depriving a village of an idiot
Norman