Here we go again

[AJay]

Hi all

Went to see Dad at the care home straight after work last night, his AD was particularly bad and his cough had got worse. There's a nasty cold going round the home just now, half the staff are off sick and the residents are starting to go down with it. Took Dad to the toilet where he started to cough so badly I thought he was going to choke, a doctor was called out who said he thought that that Dad has heart failure.

So once again off to casualty - what chaos it was there - where Dad was eventually seen and heart failure was confirmed. Dad in the meantime was kicking up merry hell, pushing the doctors away, pulling out the canular, refusing oxygen, yelling, swearing and shouting, wouldn't let me out of his sight for a second and if I had to leave the cubicle was yelling my name at the top of his lungs.

Eventually he fell asleep and we sneaked out, got home sometime round 2am this morning. Couldn't face the alarm going off at 5.45 and the hour drive down the motorway so have rung in sick at work. Just been on the phone to the hospital, they say he's also got a chest infection.

Poor old devil. In and out of care homes, in and out of hospital, every time he goes in his AD gets a bit worse and he gets frailer. I hate to say this but I just wish his heart would give and he went suddenly, this is no sort of life for him.

So I'm dreading my visit later today, I was told that he was still kicking up a stink this morning and if he's true to form it'll be me he launches at as soon as I walk in

And one of the cats is also being very difficult, Justin managed to lock him in the shed all night.

AJay xxx

 

[BettyL]

Sorry to hear about your poor old dad Ajay, and sorry also that you are having such a difficult time.

Hope things improve - I'm thinking of you today.

Best Wishes

Betty

 

[helen.tomlinson]

Hi Ajay

Just to say I'll be thinking about you visiting this afternoon and sending a hug for in the meantime. I bet you are exhausted. It isn't much of a life for him, I agree. Sometimes it might feel better if it was somebody's fault but it aint!!

Love Helen

 

[Grannie G]

I hope your visit is not as bad as you expect AJay.
You and your father are really going through it, aren`t you. I`m so sorry.
Love xx

 

[AJay]

Hi again

Thank you so much for your replies, I really don't know what I'd do without TP.

Couldn't wait till the afternoon visit so broke a few speed limits and hot footed down to the hospital. Poor old Dad looks awful, his breathing is so laboured and he's really hot but he's been given something to make him sleep and to stop him from getting so distressed so was spark out for most of my time there.

I'm glad he's sleeping, at least he's not fretting. I just sat with him until I was thrown out, I'm not sure he recognised me he was so worn out.

I didn't believe the social workers or the consultants when they told me 6 months ago that he would decline really quickly because he used to be so strong and independent but here we are, exactly where they said he would be. Things can change so fast it's unbelievable.

I think he's had enough of life, I just wish it would let him go, I hate to see the struggle and the defeat and confusion in his eyes. We may well have had a difficult relationship in the past but I never dreamt I'd see him suffering like this.

AJay xxx

 

[Skye]

Hi AJay

It must be so hard to see your dad so ill. You've had so many ups and downs over the last few months, you must be worn out yourself.

I'm not surprised that you are wishing for it to be over, it's agony watching someone and being unable to help them.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad.