My mother in law was officially diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2011, but I recall going back to 2009 she had it then. She lives with my father in law. There are 2 major things that are so hard to deal with for us. 1) She doesn't acknowledge there's anything wrong with her. 2) The way my father in law is coping (or not).
We aren't allowed to even talk about it in front of her as she will go beserk. The only way we can talk about it with my father in law is if she wanders out of the room, or via email. I think my father in law is scared of her reactions. All of her life she has been (as my husband would describe) "a bit awkward" and is a "a fussy eater", so the dementia has only made it so much worse. My father in law needs to deal with it openly, but he won't. They will at some point need help, so I don't know how this will happen. It is her birthday tomorrow, and as predicted (it happens alot), my father in law has phoned to cancel us all going out for a carvery, saying she is refusing to go. (this happens all the time, and she was even refusing to come to our wedding last year). My father in law dreads getting a letter in the post from the hospital, as she goes beserk (it's even worse when she sees the word "psychiatrist" on the letter. She has had 2 assessments (the last one being in December), she goes along with it in front of the doctors, but gives my father in law an incredibly hard time about it away from everyone else. She eats very little, and my husband notices she jerks her head forward as if she's struggling to swallow food. She refuses to bathe. I have advised my father in law to just run a bath for her, but he always opts for the path of least resistance. He has found a solution to her not changing her clothes for weeks, by just taking them away at night and putting fresh ones out. She started putting her dirty underwear on the radiator instead of in the washing basket, but I think he has now sorted this by making the washing basket more available to where she gets ready for bed. The doctors were suggesting sending someone to their house, but my father in law refused, saying she would go beserk, and would probably not even let them in. Her memory of childhood is so vivid, but her recent memory is so poor. Things that she deems negative though in some way stay in her mind. I just don't know what is going to happen. At some point she will become incontinent etc, and at what point will we be allowed to talk openly and get help.
Sorry that is long winded, but other than my husband you are the first people I have said all of thiis to. If anyone can relate to this, or have any advice or tips, I would be eternally grateful.
Thanks for listening x
We aren't allowed to even talk about it in front of her as she will go beserk. The only way we can talk about it with my father in law is if she wanders out of the room, or via email. I think my father in law is scared of her reactions. All of her life she has been (as my husband would describe) "a bit awkward" and is a "a fussy eater", so the dementia has only made it so much worse. My father in law needs to deal with it openly, but he won't. They will at some point need help, so I don't know how this will happen. It is her birthday tomorrow, and as predicted (it happens alot), my father in law has phoned to cancel us all going out for a carvery, saying she is refusing to go. (this happens all the time, and she was even refusing to come to our wedding last year). My father in law dreads getting a letter in the post from the hospital, as she goes beserk (it's even worse when she sees the word "psychiatrist" on the letter. She has had 2 assessments (the last one being in December), she goes along with it in front of the doctors, but gives my father in law an incredibly hard time about it away from everyone else. She eats very little, and my husband notices she jerks her head forward as if she's struggling to swallow food. She refuses to bathe. I have advised my father in law to just run a bath for her, but he always opts for the path of least resistance. He has found a solution to her not changing her clothes for weeks, by just taking them away at night and putting fresh ones out. She started putting her dirty underwear on the radiator instead of in the washing basket, but I think he has now sorted this by making the washing basket more available to where she gets ready for bed. The doctors were suggesting sending someone to their house, but my father in law refused, saying she would go beserk, and would probably not even let them in. Her memory of childhood is so vivid, but her recent memory is so poor. Things that she deems negative though in some way stay in her mind. I just don't know what is going to happen. At some point she will become incontinent etc, and at what point will we be allowed to talk openly and get help.
Sorry that is long winded, but other than my husband you are the first people I have said all of thiis to. If anyone can relate to this, or have any advice or tips, I would be eternally grateful.
Thanks for listening x
mums appetite was very small and she lost lots of weight on her own, but developed a sweet tooth and would eat pudding pots, slices of cheese, ham, fruit, etc - finger food the SW called it - things not needing a lot of dexterity to manage. 
