Much too long, but what's new...
I have just posted an overlong one, checking spelling, and it disappeared.
Thanks so much Saffie and Nan for you kind concern. Slightly better today, at least not so much pain, but still feeling unwell. Hoping your headaches ease off, Saffie, you do sound to have them often and a particularly bad one this time.
Thanks for asking about Monday's final six week assessment. I thought I would be late as I got held up then had trouble finding a parking space, not a large car park. The nurse's office was locked when I arrived, the male carer said she shouldn't be long, on her lunch break. Then the Social Worker was late, she had to park a bit away.
Before they arrived the male carer suggested I have a comfy seat in the Quiet Area, I saw Henry there sitting dozing and said best not sit beside him for just minutes, he'd awaken then wonder why I was quickly disappearing. Had a chat with the carer, asked about Henry. He had been 'dancing' that morning, on his zimmer, to rock and roll music!
We finally met in the nurse's office, the SW brought out the Contract and said she would go through it with me later. Then she asked the nurse (from B shift) where the Manager or a Deputy Manager was, but none of them were in. There are three Deputy Managers. The nurse said she would sign the Contract but the SW said it had to be management, showing her that part. Nurse said she had signed them before but SW said no, she would leave it with the nurse to be signed by the appropriate person.
As last time we were given a brief two page summary of various aspects pertaining to Henry, which had been written by Henry's Named Nurse, who had been on duty during the three week assessment. This led on to discussing some parts of it, asking questions, and so on. The overall impression is that they feel Henry appears "happy and content"... he still tries to escape, looks for the way out, wanting to go home, but settles fairly well with reassurance. Socialises fairly well with other residents when he wishes. Hmmm....
Has a good relationship with the staff, enjoys a laugh/joke.
I have seen he gets on well with the staff, and I think that is his main interaction as few of the dementia residents who go into the lounge talk at all.
Later when I joined him in the Quit Area there were four other residents, one dear very old lady whose voice is as clear as a bell, talks well, but it isn't 'joined up'. She said to me Henry was a beautiful pianist and I had a lovely voice. Then quiet for a spell, then saying to the two dozing men "Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" Another lady I believe is in her nineties was sitting staring at nothing, she sleeps a great deal, falls asleep at the table during mealtimes, seldom speaks. Often badly listing to one side when alseep in an armchiar, Henry becomes quite worried that she might topple off the chair.
While sitting there, talking about the view from the huge window, then Henry sitting quiet, looking at the others he said to me "This place makes me want to cry", I asked why, "Because no one talks".
I think the staff play up the positive and play down the negative. However I would like to believe Henry is becoming more used to his surroundings, the staff, and that what I see when I visit is only a minute part of the whole of his day.
I am always thinking about him, wondering what he is doing during the mornings, afternoons, restless evenings. He has his lucid periods - and I do believe more so in the care home than previously - periods when he is more 'himself'. What is he then thinking, feeling, and how long does it last before the dementia fog rolls in again.
The main problems mentioned were his very high risk of falls and always forgetting to using his zimmer, or abandoning it. He needs constant observation. Also his dislike about being awakened to get up in the mornings. This was a big problem at home, and I imagine he does protest and swear even although they made light about it.
The care home optician had visited and done an eye test, said Henry needed new glasses. I said he had his eyes tested by our optician of many years when his glasses went missing in hospital in March. The nurse persisted that their optician said one eye was bad, I said it always will be as he has cataracts in both eyes, and one eye very bad. But the hospital specialist who does the annual diabetes eye test had said if it is not bothering Henry then leave it, cataract surgery could be a problem for him. The nurse said but he wont be able to read his newspaper, I said that had dwindled before he landed in hospital, he only flicked through it and not due to eyesight but loss of interest.
His eyes can't have deteriorated much over less than four months, unless affected by being critically ill with the out of control blood sugar levels. Just days before that started he had his annual slit eye test for diabetic damage and was clear.
I did bring up my concern about Henry's clothes still not being labelled by the care home after six weeks, having been told from the start that each time I brought any clothes in I must leave them for the laundry to label. When I did but they remained unlabelled I was then assured they would be. The SW thought this important and opened up the subject, and it did not go down well with the B shift nurse. She muttered about communication between the two shifts - the various times I left clothes for labelling were on her shift, but I did not say so. I said I had now started labelling what I brought in and would continue to do so, including the still unlabelled clothes. Most of his clothes were now labelled; previously by the hospital and recently by me. It made sense for me to label the remainder since I now had labels, than the care home order them for him (which I was told they would do the first week). But I was concerned that both labelled and unlabelled clothes were missing. No response.
Henry's personal items taken in were also supposed to be labelled but none have been done. I didn't mention that but shall also label them myself.
The nurse then said I need to leave everything brought in to be listed by the care home, and brought out a short list. I said I had thought that would be done when clothes were labelled by them...? No reply.
Having typed out a list of everything belonging to Henry for my own reference I suggested she take a copy I had taken in and could compare it with her list (much shorter) and add to it. She declined to accept my list but the SW said she thought it would be useful. The nurse wasn't pleased, reluctantly took my list and muttered perhaps someone on the night shift could attend to it.
Later the SW indicated that she wished to go over the contract with me, I said we could go to Henry's room although only one chair, SW asked the nurse if alright if we stayed in her office, she nodded and left us.
I spoke about everything nicely, no confrontation. But I was feeling hostile vibes. Quite different from the three week assessment with Henry's Named Nurse. I did feel awkward, The SW was also pleasant, but firm on several points.
After going over the Contract and signing it the SW returned to the subject of the unlabelled clothes and some I had labelled myself appearing to have gone missing. She said it concerned her, I said me too although during over five months in the Community Hospital things had gone missing. Also Henry had five items in his wardrobe and drawers labelled by the hospital which are not his. SW said "He was wearing other people's clothes?! Did you tell the staff?" I said yes but eventually I gave up as he also at times wore others unlabelled clothes and I realized it was not going to be addressed.
Then I smiled and said "At least it has only happened once here!" and she asked about that, I said Henry had been wearing someone else's shirt and sweater. Did I speak to the staff about it? No, but if it had happened again I would have done so. It was a one off. She then said she would speak to the nurse about it. I said "I am not making a complaint, it was a one off". But she was firm about it, saying it is a matter of Henry's dignity, it is not acceptable.
I wished I had never made that passing comment.
The SW walked with my back to where Henry was sitting where I joined him, but she spotted the nurse and went to talk to her, for quite a wee while. I concentrated on Henry. We didn't have much time together before tea-time.
Later after the SW left I saw one of the main carers come from the lounge to the nurse's office, she was there a while before she returned carring the new trousers and jog bottoms I had labelled and brought in for Henry, and went into his room, spent some time in there. Then I heard the wardrobe door being banged, and when she came out she banged the bedroom door, strode past me without a glance but an angry expression, back to the nurse's room.
I took some toiletries into Henry's room, looked in the wardrobe and two pairs of the new trousers were on the one hanger, just shoved on it, not properly hung.
I now feel awful. As I have previously said, I have gathered an impression that the B shift are a clique, whereas the A shift (with Henry's Named Nurse) are not at all like that. The last thing I want is any undercurrents, but I can see that the nurse and her care assistant may think that I complained to the SW 'behind the back' of the nurse about Henry wearing someone's elses clothes, which was not the case. I made a passing comment to the SW in a light hearted way - and wish I had not done so.
If possible I shall have a word with Henry's Named Nurse tomorrow, and try to nip it in the bud. If I had concerns I would (and have) talk to her about them, not privately to a Social Worker. We discussed the clothes situation last Friday, also my wish to have Henry's blood sugar levels checked more than only mornings, for a spell, to see how they were throughout the day as last week she tested at 4pm and it was too high. She said no problem, she would do that. Also said to mention this, and the clothes, at the assessment. I find her comfortable to talk to, she always says anything bothering me just tell her etc., etc. I do have the impression that she genuinely does put the residents best interests first. But the other nurse is different, she does things her way and is remote, not easy to talk to.
I have gone on quite a bit about it all, haven't I. But then I do, don't I... I apologise, It somehow helps to write it.
For the short while we were together Henry was fine. No agitation. Just that revealing comment "This place makes me want to cry."
Until I was leaving. A carer was walking him and his zimmer back to the dining area, I thought it best to leave them to it rather than go with him and kissed him goodbye. But he stood with his zimmer and the carer repeatedly calling after me when would I be back, why was I going away.... I kept trying to tell myself that once he reached the dining area he would have forgotten I had been there. But there is no knowing what is retained in the mind, lurks there.
I would not go as far as to say he is "happy and content", but more resigned. Still wandering about trying to find a way out, wanting to go home, but becoming less distressed. I hope. He has always complied with staff, in hospital, now in the care home, doing what he feels is expected of him. But to me he voices different feelings.
The trouble is we worry, have concerns, because we know the person in there in the dementia fog more than anyone else does. Those who have only spent time with him for six weeks make their observations from the outside.
But enough.
To those of you who do read this far, thanks for reading, for bearing with me.
Love
Loo xxx
