1. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    jusy tried ringing helpline for urgent advice waited 20 minutes then a message said your call has been cleared and ended the call! Duty social worker not ringing back, my dad (has alzheimer) has kicked my mum out need advice, who else can I ring?
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,917
    Nottinghamshire
    Other than keep ringing the helpline I don't really know what to suggest @Jilly606 unless you have a very helpful GP who is willing to fight your corner.

    I think you should let GP know of this latest development anyway incase some medication could be helpful.

    How are you parents now?
     
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,825
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry your dad's condition has thrown up this horrible situation for you and your mum @Jilly606, and having trouble getting hold of the helpline. I found them to be useful and got through straight away a month or two back, so hopefully it is just a temporary problem.

    If you post the more about your problems on https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/ you might get better answers than I or Bunpoots can offer. It might also be worth phoning Social Services again however and emphasising how vulnerable your dad is.
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,898
    N Ireland
  5. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    Terrible, mum still with me, I’ve been to see dad he’s totally fixated on this non affair he thinks happened 20 years ago, he won’t have her back, he’s aggressive and I don’t think she’d be safe? awaiting social worker to ring me back
     
  6. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    Thank you, I tried admiral nurses too but after 5 minutes was told everyone was busy and to ring back later. It must be a bad day for all today
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,917
    Nottinghamshire
    I'm glad your mum is with you @Jilly606. I think you're right about her not being safe at home while your dad's behaviour is as it is.

    If you feel your dad is not safe on his own don't be afraid to dial 999 especially if his aggression is making him dangerous to himself or others. I've no direct experience of this but I've read on here that the police or ambulance service, should their input be needed, deal kindly with people with dementia.

    I hope you find some help soon.
     
  8. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,701
    Female
    London
    I would strongly advise to call the police, not because your Dad has done something wrong but because his condition is making him react unreasonably. Police will see that and they have clout with Social Services to move things along.
     
  9. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    Thank you everyone, duty officer called to see dad without speaking to us first eeeek, yep dad kicked off refused to see him and then rang me saying you've reported me!! They won’t do anything cos dad won’t speak to them, 3 years of Alzheimer’s, he can’t remember making his dinner today but i know he has with the pots that are left, he hasn’t taken his meds cos he’s no idea if mums not there to give them him, but as he chooses to not to let anyone know, they won’t do anything
     
  10. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,701
    Female
    London
    Social Services duty officer? As I said, call the police.
     
  11. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    The memory service duty clinic that diagnosed him in the first place, police are a very last resort - they’re not the answer to mental health issues
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,284
    Female
    South coast
    That is true, but they do have the power to get someone who is the answer out and they have more clout than you do.
     
  13. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,458
    Female
    England
    The police can be the answer.

    We had three crises and the mental health crisis telephone number given to us by our CPN only covered adults with learning difficulties not dementia so no use to us. The advice that number gave us was to dial 111 or 999. 111 could not help, 999 were our saviours. They had a crisis number, two hours later two people from a crisis team arrived and the following day a bed was found in an assessment unit and 7 years of sheer torture for my husband came to an end. I can’t praise the police enough, they were understanding, kind and gave us the help we so desperately needed.

    From the unit he went into a nursing home and we had a further four years that were as good as they could be and I was a wife once more. I dread to think what would have happened to both of us had they not given the help we needed.

    It shouldn’t be like this but unfortunately the police are sometimes the only hope we have and they do report to social services.
     
  14. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    Thank you, but we’re totally not at thar stage, he doesn’t need personal care, he does all that for himself and doesn’t need reminding, he can cook and clean without being told how, he drives about, takes my mum food shopping, goes to put a bet on in betting shop regularly, goes to pub on his own, he knows who we all are, never gets us mixed up, if you met him in street you’d think nothing was wrong, the only things he can’t do is remember what meds he needs to take and when, what day it is, or what happened yesterday, memory clinic said he still knows enough to be aware of surroundings and what’s happening but at the same time he’s stuck in this fixation/anger stage, he won’t go to docs, he won’t let anyone in to help cos he thinks he doesn’t need it, I can’t have police come and Cart him off just because memory clinic won’t do anything, change to meds could make all the difference, we’re stuck in limbo, if I take mum away he’ll not take his meds and get worse, it’s like were being asked to make the situation worse for him so we fit into what the system can do
     
  15. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    980
    I understand you may think police might arrest him, but not necessarily. They will probably make a report of the situation, offer advice and calm things down. But the point is they are duty bound to make a referral to social services, which will move the situation on and make authorities aware of the problem. Police have a lot of clout with other agencies
     
  16. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    The problem is my dad won’t engage with the agencies, just the mere presence of them will make the whole situation 10 times worse, they’d end up arresting him because of the behaviour he’ll display at being unhappy they were there when it’s all to do with his mind, police may well have contacts but it’s the route they’ll take that isn’t the correct route, it shouldn’t have to reach a police stage
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,284
    Female
    South coast
    No they wont arrest him if he kicks off - they will call the psychiatric crisis team. And the psychiatric crisis team will come straight away because its the police that have called them.
     
  18. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,701
    Female
    London
    Of course you have a right to see it that way but you have asked for our help and we are trying to give it to you. It's borne out of experience so don't dismiss it out of hand please.
     
  19. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    I haven’t done that - I’ve listened and explained why I don’t think that Should be the only option to take, that is a last resort, so likewise please don’t dismiss what I say because I disagree with comments that only say ring police ring police
     
  20. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,183
    L
    I understand. What can you do to keep your mum safe? Let's focus on that. I understand the police route is frightening. Can we look at this as a safeguarding issue and see what help you can get for that? GPS, social services etc.
    With love Kindred
     

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