Helplessness and witnessing pain

[span14]

My grandmother has later stage Alzheimer’s and has deteriorated very quickly. She has been in the same state for the last 4 years now. She has lost all ability to self-care and virtually all ability to communicate. It is utterly heart-breaking. Even more heart-breaking is watching my grandad deal with this pain. My heart breaks at how apologetic he is for his grieving state. I want to be able to take both of their pain away but feel conflicted in my own head. I feel selfish for wanting my grandma to be let free of this disease, and I feel distraught that my grandad is clinging on to every glimmer of hope. On top of this I have my own feelings to deal with, and it just feels like there’s so much helplessness involved. Every person in this situation is helpless and for years now, I have been able to come to terms with the situation, however I feel my resilience is starting to disintegrate.


Does anybody else have any coping strategies to share to deal with these conflicting thoughts?

 

[Lindy50]

Hello @span14 and welcome to TP

What a caring grandson/daughter you are. You describe so accurately the feelings of loss and helplessness that I feel myself, in relation to my mother. It is so hard, I know, to stay strong and resilient- all of us have bad times when it seems more upsetting and difficult to manage.

I’m afraid I don’t really have any specific advice but I wanted to welcome you to the forum x I am sure someone will be along soon with good ideas or advice.
Lindy xx

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @span14, welcome to the forum.

It sounds like your grandparents need help and I wonder if they have had needs assessments, to which they are both entitled. In the Hope that they will provide a useful source of information I’ve included below links to a Society Factsheet concerning the needs assessment, the publication list and a section of the forum where you can do a post code check for support services in your grandparent’s area
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessment-care-support-england
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/8211

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

With regard to your own feelings, do keep posting here for support, but also consider talking to your GP as he/she may be able to help you through this difficult time with something like counseling.