1. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    hi, i have posted before about my uncle who has been dignosed with the early stages of dementia, he is also diabetic and i go to visit and help him out if i can with my mum his main carer. my uncle is now no longer answering his phone and lying in bed all day with all his curtains drawn and windows closed. we take him shoppin every week and seem to be throwing away all the food from the previous week, he is so skeletal now, his arms no bigger than my wrists (15 year old girl) and he refuses sheltered or respite care. his doctor has told us to give him lots of high energy drinks and food but he isnt interested and says he wants to die and that if we cared we would let him.
    my uncle is on medication for depression and diabetes but he throws his tablets away and refuses to take them, he will sometimes shout and get angry with me or my mum if we try to intervene and the doctor says that we can call a paramedic if we are really so worried. however, we have done this beofre and my uncle ended up trying to escape and refusing any treatment, it feels like betrayal to force him to do this again when we know that he will not accept any help. i have tried to go along with his wishes but my mum is going over all the time worried how he is and when he doesnt answer his phone we dont know if he is dead or alive. i fell very helpless watching this happen knowing that there is nothing else i can do and just watching my uncle die. everytime the phone rings i wonder if its the hospital or his friend saying something has happened . me and my mum talk about it but i feel helpless not being able to help him and my mum worries that maybe if she had done something before she could have stopped this from happening. today my dad went over to find him gone, not anywhere to be found and for all we know he could be lost somewhere or confused and we cant be there to help. i know we cant be there all the time but i dont know what else i can suggest to try and help, i remember visiting my uncle when i was little and he has always been so kind and friendly, he looked after anyone he could help, and now its his turn and he needs help we are left stuck, unable to do anything.:(
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Lauren, my heart goes out to you.

    Unfortunately, if your uncle will not accept help from you and the family, your only recourse is to involve the Social Services.

    Does he have Social Worker, or someone that you could put your feelings to directly. It must be so hard for you, but without his co-operation I do not see what other option is left open to you.

    I do hope that you will be able to get some help for him. Take care my love, your concern does you credit.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    Dear Lauren,

    It must be terrible for you and your mother. Such good memories you have of your uncle.

    I do hope he is found, have the police been informed? They were so helpful when My husband was missing for four hours.

    Like your uncle, my husband is diabetic and he didn`t take his medication. The doctor told us if my husband didn`t take his diabetic medication, it would add to his confusion, so I suspect that`s what might have happened to your uncle.

    The trouble is you can`t force anyone to take medication or to accept help. It`s a dreadful position to be in when you want to help so much but they don`t want it.

    Your uncle must be so depressed about his condition he doesn`t care what happens. I`m so sorry, because he will only be helped with medication.

    Please let us know if you find him. I wish I could be of more help to you.

    Love xx
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Like Sylvia, I was wondering if you have informed the police about your Uncle's disappearance? If they could find him it would put you in a strong position to state that he is a danger to himself and get the powers to be to consider sectioning him. I realise that this isn't a step to be taken lightly, but it seems from what you say there is only that or allow him to continue what appears to be an inevitable decline. If he won't eat and won't take his meds and won't cooperate with any efforts to help him, sectioning seems to be the only option left.

    Love
     
  5. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi Lauren,I was thinking along the same lines as jennifer.Sectioning might be the only answer.The only problem with this is that they can only be held for 28 days.If there is improvement then maybe he will be transfered to an appropriate home.Through experience of this where i work i know it is difficult to have someone sectioned..The police,G.P,and S/W have to be involved and 2 of the 3 have to agree to sectioning.They also ask very deep questions of the resident which i found disturbing.I will not post the question they asked when i experienced this,as i said it disturbed me.Lets hope that a solution can be found and there is no need for any of this.My darling you are such a young person to have all this on your mind and i commend you for the love you obviously have for your uncle.both you and mum take care and please let us know what happens.loveelainex
     
  6. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Lauren,
    Such good advice from others. I only wish there was some way we could relieve the terrible burden you are carrying. I feel very sorry for your Mum too, but I really care for you because you are so young to be facing this situation.

    Obviously you are very mature for your age and no doubt this experience, awful as it is, will be a learning experience for you, but you are still very young to have to cope with such a thing.

    Just know we are always here when you need some virtual support.
    {{{HUGS}}}
     
  7. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    #7 x-lauren-x, Sep 16, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2007
    Thank you very much for all your advice and kind words of support. We have had experience of this before when my uncle has not answerd his phone for days and wasnt there when we went to visit. his neighbours are lovely and try to keep an eye on where he is and will always phone us if they are the slightest bit concerned as he lives approx 30 mins from our house and with school and work its hard to for me and my mum to be able to get over to his house everyday to check hes ok, its made a bit harder too because at the moment he sees us as interfering and so gets fustrated by phonecalls from us and us checking if hes taken his tablets or eaten anything. However, as his neighbours have not phoned we are very much hoping he has returned safely to his house but if he does not answer later on tonight again then i think we may have to call the police. The social worker is really lovely and arranged a sheltered housing place for us to view but my uncle refused saying ti was a prison cell and we just get rid of him, the doctor has insitsted he must go into this sort of housing but as he refuses and the doctor says we must wait for 'a situation' to occur when he realises he can no longer manage and the social worker can then step in and force him to go into hospital or a home. however, i think that if we wait much longer for this 'situation' to occur its going to end up with my uncle being dead beofre anyone in authority realises something has to be done. My mums going to phone the social worker on monday and explain the situation saying he is becoming a bgi risk to himself , not eating drinking or taking his tablets and lying in bed all of the time or going out and getting lost. I dont want him to be sectioned or go to a home i almost wish i could bring him over to my house and keep my eye on him all the time just so i know hes still alive and ok i dont know what would happen if he was sectioned- i saw an old man in the bed opposite to my uncle last time he was in and he was in my uncles situation now and he was in terrible distress . I know deep down that what social services and the doctor says has to happen for my uncles well being and if there is no other way then we will have to go along with it even if it feels like a betrayal. Thank you all so much for your support it means a lot to me and my mum to know there are some other people who understand how we feel at the moment. Hope you are all well and hopefuly next time i come on the situation will have improved and i can share some happier news with you. luv lauren xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    that how I use to find my mother when I use to visit her also not taking her medication for diabetic , does make them more confused and angry when not taking the right correction medication for diabetic .

    My son found his uncle my brother wondering the street few weeks back not knowing where he lived . I wanted him section , lucky for me he went in voluntary, then and only then when he was inside did they release how bad he was and he got the support that he needed for when he left the EMI unite .

    so I know what you mean when you say
     
  9. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Lauren

    I am only just catching up with this thread.

    Firstly can I say I admire you so much. My niece is 15 and so caring about her grandpa who has AD. I am sure you are a ray of sunshine to your uncle as my niece is to my Dad.

    Secondly, please involve the Police. My Dad was missing for 4 hours yesterday and the police could not have been more sympathetic and were very well informed about AD.

    I hope your uncle is safe and well. Please keep us informed.
     
  10. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Lauren

    What a lovely young lady you are to care so much for your mum and Uncle.

    I hope by now you have found your Uncle, you must all be very worried.

    You say that the GP had told you to wait for a situation, honey, I think this is the very situation. Your Uncle is clearly at risk of harming himself by not taking his medication, which will enhance his depression, and he also in danger being a diabetic.

    Please dont be frightened if the GP suggests that your Uncle is Sectioned. There are very strict rules in place regarding this, and they are there to protect the patient. It basically means that the responsibility of getting medical treatment is taken away from the patient for their own sake. It means he will be taken to hospital for assessment, the length of time he is placed under a Section can vary from as little as 72 hours, but of course, his doctors can apply to have this extended to get his treatment right. If memory serves me right, a Consultant Psychiatrist, GP and Social Worker all have to be present. What it doesnt mean is that once a Section is in place, it is there for good, this isnt the case.

    Please keep in touch, let us know when your Uncle is found safe and well.

    Love
    Cate
     
  11. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    AFAIK a Section is normally done by two doctors in agreement, one of whom knows the patient, one of them normally a psychiatrist and also there has to be agreement by an approved social worker. I believe that the application to section is made by next of kin or social worker.

    However I believe that in an emergency, the recommendation of one doctor is sufficient.
     
  12. xx.lauren.xx

    xx.lauren.xx Registered User

    Sep 22, 2007
    27
    england
    update

    hiya
    its lauren again, my old username x-lauren-x wouldnt let me sign in again and i think i made a mess of another attempt to re register so i have made a news username- xx.lauren.xx! Sorry its taken me so long to reply i havent been able to sign in for a while so i had to make this new username!

    Thank you all for your lovely support, my dad found my uncle on saturday in his house it seemed he had been out and then found his way back home. He has a bruised and scratched face , he said he had fallen over. He seems to be really confused about where he lives, he kept telling my dad that hed been back to his house with his mum and brother when they died years ago and he was standing in his house. He used to live around the corner so maybe he is confused that he still lives there. He still doesnt seem to be eating but the social worker is going round again on tuesday and will carry out a risk assesment so hopefully we can take some action to help him feel happier again.
    Hope you are all well, thank you for your lovely words of advice and support and sorry i am so bad at working the website! i will try and keep this username now and not block myself off like i did last time!
    love to you all
    love
    lauren xxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  13. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Lauren

    I am so happy to hear your uncle is safe and home. :)

    Don't worry about your user name. Just glad to hear from you.

    Hope thing go well with the social worker. Keep us posted.
     
  14. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Lauren.no apologies needed.we all have to find our way,and not replying isn't a problem.i hope you mum and your uncle can find a solution to his problem.Going back in time is a classic sign that the long term memory is ok.This is what happens frequently,ask a question about recent times,then ask about the "good old days".I don't bet,but i bet you 10/1 the good old days are prominent in their mind.We are all concerned about memory loss,but at the end of the day they have memories they will never forget,and these are obviously memories worth keeping to them.who cares what happened yesterday?if it wasn't worth remembering to them,it wasn,t worth remembering to them.love and best wishes elainex
     
  15. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hiya dear Lauren.

    Sorrry that you blocked yourself out, and thank you so much for updating us.
    Glad to hear that things had a reasonable ending, although your uncle is going to need your help even more now.

    Take care, look after yourself and keep in touch.
     
  16. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Lauren

    So good to hear from you, and I am so pleased that your Uncle managed to find his way home.

    Thank goodness the Social Worker is calling to carry out a risk assessment, this will be an ideal opportunity for you and your mum to explain how worried you are about him, and the things you are worried about.

    Keep in touch.

    Love

    Cate
     
  17. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    I just want to say that I have partially read your story and feel that is so beyond me to offer any advice whatsoever, but that doesn't mean that I am not so caring of your situation, and I offer you all my love and prayers to help you cope with it all. I just don't feel there is any practical advice that I can offer, but my thoughts are with you, and just to say, you can only do your best.

    Much love

    Margaret
     
  18. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Lauren, I am sorry I have only just caught up with your posts .... you are obviously a remarkably caring young lady ...... and at only 15 must have so much else to think of ....

    It is great news that your uncle has been found and it looks like you are securing help for him ...... I just wonder if either of these websites might be of help to you as well?:

    http://www.youngcarers.net/

    www.there4me.com

    Much love, and hope everything goes well for you all on Tuesday - remember to look out for yourself too!!!!!!! ..... Karen, x
     
  19. xx.lauren.xx

    xx.lauren.xx Registered User

    Sep 22, 2007
    27
    england
    thank you

    thank you again for such lovely support. i will keep you posted after the social workers visit. margaret, it is just so lovely that you spared a minute to give me your support as it means a lot to know that i have such caring people to talk to on here. Thank you enveryone for all your advice, i will show it to my mum as normal so she can read as i know how much your support helps her too. I will check out the websites - thank you for recommending them!
    Hope you are all well, lots of love to you
    love
    lauren xxxxxxx
    ps. i will try not to lock myself out again this time!! im terrible with computers!!
     
  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    lauren Good tip I found that help me is when I log in..... is when you see this

    User Name Remember Me?
    Password

    Click ''click remember ''

    I don't log out, so am always log in when I go into TP again :)
     

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