helping my Dad care for Mum

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Alisonm987, Jan 6, 2016.

  1. Alisonm987

    Alisonm987 Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    3
    My Mum hasn't been fully diagnosed . She is due to get a pet scan next week. Her short term memory is totally gone. She is at home all day with my Dad who is 80 but very capable of looking after them both. We are about 4 months into our journey and Dad is usually very calm and goes with the flow. However tonight he has told me that he doesn't think he will be able to cope much longer. My mum has pains and requires pain killers but as she doesn't remember taking any tablets she would take more again and again so my dad looks after them and gives her 2 tablets when she asks but then can't give her anymore for 4 hours but she is screaming at him very agressively that she hasn't had any and he is lying to her. I work full time to support my family and can only call round in the evening for a few hours or weekends. How can I help my dad. I don't know what to do. Should I take time off work. Am I entitled to take time off to support my parents
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    There are some painkillers you can take inbetween others - I think it is paracetamol and ibuprofen but others will know.
    The other alternative is to find some similar sweetie type thing to give her inbetween introduced as 'new painkillers'. The key to helping people with dementia is no confrontation so this would just effectively be agreeing with her and giving her what she wants (but not the content lol). Someone on here calls them 'love lies' which is quite delightful


    This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

    Do have a look at it
    http://www.ocagingservicescollaborat...y-Impaired.pdf

    He may find it helpful
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I'm sorry I forgot to say welcome to TP, there is a lot of support here xx
     
  4. Alisonm987

    Alisonm987 Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    3
    helping dad care for mum

    [Thanks for your reply fizzie

    We've already tried numerous things but she is not persuaded easily. She was a nurse all her days.! She also has asthma so can't take ibuprofen type tablets. Only paracetamol according to her GP.
    Don't know how best to help Dad with this.
     
  5. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    Can you get her some sugar pills that look like painkillers?
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Tricky trying to fool a nurse!!! but would it work if as Beate suggests some sugar pills - pharmacist might be able to suggest some placebo type pills which come out of the same bottle.

    Do you think that now is the time to look at a lunch club/day centre a few times a week to give your Dad some time to himself - for many of us Day centres are the lifeline!!
     
  7. Alisonm987

    Alisonm987 Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    3
    That's a good idea . I'll look into that in my area. Thankyou
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,898
    Female
    Dundee
    #8 Izzy, Jan 7, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2016
    I can't get this link to open. It may just be me of course! This thread is on the same topic -

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

    Edit - I googled to try to find the original link and found this -

    http://www.ocagingservicescollabora.../Communication_with_an_Alzheimers_Patient.pdf
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,898
    Female
    Scotland
    Both of them might enjoy going to Alz groups in their area. Singing, bowling, films etc are available and an opportunity to chat to others in general or about specific issues. Plenty of people in their eighties go to the groups we have attended. Look up the Alz Soc in your area to see what's on.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,773
    Female
    South coast
    Ive seen tic-tacs advocated, but not tried it myself.
     

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