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helping my Dad care for Mum

Alisonm987

Registered User
Oct 25, 2015
3
My Mum hasn't been fully diagnosed . She is due to get a pet scan next week. Her short term memory is totally gone. She is at home all day with my Dad who is 80 but very capable of looking after them both. We are about 4 months into our journey and Dad is usually very calm and goes with the flow. However tonight he has told me that he doesn't think he will be able to cope much longer. My mum has pains and requires pain killers but as she doesn't remember taking any tablets she would take more again and again so my dad looks after them and gives her 2 tablets when she asks but then can't give her anymore for 4 hours but she is screaming at him very agressively that she hasn't had any and he is lying to her. I work full time to support my family and can only call round in the evening for a few hours or weekends. How can I help my dad. I don't know what to do. Should I take time off work. Am I entitled to take time off to support my parents
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
There are some painkillers you can take inbetween others - I think it is paracetamol and ibuprofen but others will know.
The other alternative is to find some similar sweetie type thing to give her inbetween introduced as 'new painkillers'. The key to helping people with dementia is no confrontation so this would just effectively be agreeing with her and giving her what she wants (but not the content lol). Someone on here calls them 'love lies' which is quite delightful


This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

Do have a look at it
http://www.ocagingservicescollaborat...y-Impaired.pdf

He may find it helpful
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
I'm sorry I forgot to say welcome to TP, there is a lot of support here xx
 

Alisonm987

Registered User
Oct 25, 2015
3
helping dad care for mum

[Thanks for your reply fizzie

We've already tried numerous things but she is not persuaded easily. She was a nurse all her days.! She also has asthma so can't take ibuprofen type tablets. Only paracetamol according to her GP.
Don't know how best to help Dad with this.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Tricky trying to fool a nurse!!! but would it work if as Beate suggests some sugar pills - pharmacist might be able to suggest some placebo type pills which come out of the same bottle.

Do you think that now is the time to look at a lunch club/day centre a few times a week to give your Dad some time to himself - for many of us Day centres are the lifeline!!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,966
68
Dundee
This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

Do have a look at it
http://www.ocagingservicescollaborat...y-Impaired.pdf

He may find it helpful
I can't get this link to open. It may just be me of course! This thread is on the same topic -

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

Edit - I googled to try to find the original link and found this -

http://www.ocagingservicescollaborative.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Education_Materials/Communication/Communication_with_an_Alzheimers_Patient.pdf
 
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marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,025
Scotland
Both of them might enjoy going to Alz groups in their area. Singing, bowling, films etc are available and an opportunity to chat to others in general or about specific issues. Plenty of people in their eighties go to the groups we have attended. Look up the Alz Soc in your area to see what's on.