• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

help

kerrie anne

Registered User
Oct 5, 2015
1
i care for my mother in law..... my husbands mother i dont think he no"s how difficult this is, she emotionally blackmails me and makes me feel like i don"t do enough ( even tho i no i do ) if i do not make contact with her for 12 hours or more there is always some disaster ie todays one " i have had a funny turn " my husband went to see her and she has a mark on her face, now she will call me for minor things but did not contact us with regards to this... am i wrong to think that sometimes i think she does things on purpose ( please dont hate me )
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
No one will hate you. My mum has lived with me for almost 2 years and even though I have an understanding about Dementia, I still question whether or not some of her actions are deliberate manipulation because pre dementia mum was a bit demanding of all her children. So for my own sanity I have chosen to believe that it is a battle for control between the two of us and sometimes she wins by telling everyone who will listen that I am just a terrible person and do nothing for her. As our visitors leave I have to say to them "You do know that I do everything for my mum and try to keep her happy?" and of course they know this.

Welcome to tp.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,669
Merseyside
Welcome to TP :)

Nobody will hate you. A lot of us suffer or have suffered from dealings with manipulative relatives.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
North East England
How can any of us hate you?! Many of us have wondered the self same thing. You are among understanding people here, please don't fret xx

Coming on here is a great way to let off steam and get things off your chest :). Do keep posting and don't hate yourself for the way you feel - it's normal. Looking after someone with dementia is very hard and you need all the help and support you can get.
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
Hello.
Does your MIL have dementia?

I found with my Mam, as her brain began to be affected by dementia, she began to feel more and more anxious, worried and upset.

It wasn't that she was being manipulative, it was that she had a brain illness, sometimes this is hard for lots of people to remember.

It's a complex illness and can be confounding to observe but it is a brain illness, not being needy or manipulative.

Perhaps your MIL is having spells of anxiety, panic, strange thoughts? If she lives on her own these feelings of a confused brain must be unbearable.

It is hard to look after someone with dementia but it must be harder still to endure it yourself.

I wonder if your MIL needs more support? has she been assessed by Social Services?