Help?!

[EmmaB]

My grandma has just had seen a doctor at the memory clinic, where she lives...my dad went with her and Grandma has become alot worse than she was originally. She is now refusing to take her tablets...well more to the point she'll "take them when she wants" which isn't right because there is alot of money spent on those tablets, which aren't being given out now (or something, i can't really remember, but it was in the news recently).

The doctor asked Grandma if she had considered moving closer to us. She took it as moving in with us. The doctor then told her off for confusing the issue.

She is still calling my dad by her late husband's name, which was picked up on by the doctor. Finally.

Later in the car, after dad had taken her for a meal she told dad that if she went into a home she'd kill herself. We don't know whether it's emotional blackmail or the truth.

She isn't eating properly anymore...her dinner consists of half an individual steak pie from M&S or a couple of cocktail sausage rolls.

Her sister is refusing to help her after they had an argument, because grandma can't keep track of who she is dialing, can't accept the help being given to her or anything.

Grandma is still alienating people because they only want to know her business.

She was having visits from a nurse (sent by her GP), but she put on an act (which she is very capable of doing...it's almost like a dual personality), said that she was taking her tablets and now the nurse doesn't come anymore.

I Know that my grandma isn't the only one who has alzheimers, but is there anyone else who is in this position...is all this just because of the illness? Does it exaggerate certain personality traits? i've read that some people with alzheimers can become violent...is this true of all sufferers?

Thank you for reading this and to those who post replies...

It's nice knowing there are other people who will listen.

xxx

 

[Cliff]

Hello Emma.

Sadly what you are describing is not unusual with an Alzheimer's patient. Each patient is very different but the trends are common enough to recognise.

Am sure that others will respond to your posting with much more help but would just like to welcome you and assure you that there is a lot of comfort here in Talking Point and we are all good listeners.

Very best wishes,

 

[Kayla]

Dear Emma,
My Mum had Vascular Dementia, which is caused by lots of mini-strokes in the brain. She got very confused about times and even got muddled over whether it was day or night. She forgot to take her medication, or sometimes took it too soon, even though we bought a pill dispenser with a timer for her.

There were some personality changes, but basically Mum was still the same sort of person as before. She just became very unaware of other people's needs and kept getting muddled up over names and who people were.

The correct medication can make a huge difference. Mum did get very agitated and unhappy when she first went into a Nursing Home after a bad fall. She settled eventually and appreciated the kindness of the staff.

We did ask for an assessment from the Social Services for Mum, when she was living at home by herself. They weren't very helpful, but they did give us some useful contact numbers.
My Mum was very happy in an ordinary Care Home for several months before her fall. It was family run and very friendly and homely. The staff were superb with the elderly people and treated them well. It was quite small, with only about twenty-five rooms, but it was just like going into an ordinary family house.

I don't think that violence is a normal part of Dementia and it may occur when the medication is wrong. There seem to be many variations of dementia and similar types of problems. The important thing is to ask for help and support, as it would be difficult to cope alone.

Kayla

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Emma,

As Cliff has just said, all the behaviours your Grandma is showing are typical of many people who have Alzheimers. This is usually because they are fughting to hold on to their independence and fighting to stay in their own homes.

If your grandma can convince a nurse she is fine, then she herself will believe she is fine. If she accepts help from the nurse, it proves she needs help, and she isn`t ready yet.

I think it is one of the most challenging times for families and carers. I can only suggest your father writes down all the behaviours you are worried about and makes an appointment to see your grandma`s GP by himself.

At this stage, help cannot be forced upon your grandma. I know it`s really hard for you and the family, but I can only suggest you give her the help she is prepared to accept, keep in contact with her, and learn how to cope by trial and error.

Love xx

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Emma,
I am sorry to hear about your Gradmother. Unfortunately, everyone is different.
Taking each day as it comes seems to be the only way. Some people do get violent but not all. When they are very frustrated it is understandable to some of the behaviour paterns. Do you have a S.W. ? Is there a A.S. Branch, Crossroad near for help. I know if may seems so many questions but with this herrendous illness that is what we come across. As for the medication they do forget or say they have taken them when they have not. Is there some one who can help in this direction ?
Good luck . christine