1. Sarah-Anne

    Sarah-Anne Registered User

    Mar 17, 2007
    28
    shropshire
    i have posted before. It's been 8 months now since dad died from picks disease.
    I have slowly begun to get my life on track as best i can.
    My husband has not been sympathetic and keeps telling me i have to be cheerful. He says i wallow in death, perhaps it's my way of coping.
    He says i visit his grave too much and look at his pictures too much.
    I feel i want to leave him and be on my own.
     
  2. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Don't rush into anything too soon!

    It does take time to get over a loss and it feels as though your whole life has been turned upside down. My Mum died in May and it has taken me months to just realise that she has gone and there is a huge gap in my life.

    People don't understand what it is like to lose somebody little bit, by little bit, so that new adjustments have to be made all the time. The actual passing is the final stage, but it seems harder to take it all in.

    My Dad was ill in hospital for a month and then just died, so it seemed easier to grieve and come to terms with his death. Dementia is different.

    Take care and mourn in your own way.

    Things will probably work out for the best in the end.

    Kayla
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Sarah anne
    My wife died in July.
    I know the feeling of wanting to be alone,but it really isn't a good idea.
    Wherever I am whoever I am with every day every minute Peg is in my thoughts.
    It does help to be with people ,to get about and fill the vacant times that you now have.
    To be alone gives too much time to think and whilst we will always think and remember loved ones I do not think it is wise to spend too much time alone.
    Give it time ,give hubby time and it will all work out for the best.
    Norman
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,732
    Kent
    Dear Sarah-Anne

    If your husband is unsympathetic, it`s probably his way of trying to encourage you to move on. It also might be his way of avoiding your grief.

    But here on TP we know that everyone has their own timespan for grief and it can`t be rushed. Feel free to offload on TP any time you wish.

    Love xx
     
  5. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    563
    nuneaton
    Hello Sarah

    There are no words, that anyone can write or say to you to make things better.
    I lost my dad nearly 8 years ago and if I had let it be a reason to end my relationship with my then partner of 3 years, at the time I would have felt justified.

    Everyone has different ways of coping with the loss of a parent or loved one amd other people who don't seem to understand how you are feeling will never be able to say or do the right thing.

    Wanting to be alone to grieve is, I think, a normal thing to want to do, some people take longer to get on with their lives than others.

    There are people who on the other hand, who don't want to get on with their lives or CAN'T.
    Feeling sad about being happy is another emotion I used to feel and odd times, still do, especially when I think of my Dad.
    Time, as lots of others will tell you IS a great healer and I hope one day, it will be ok for you and you will be able to get on with your life.

    Take care
    love Janetruth x
     
  6. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Struggling

    Hi, Sarah anne
    So sorry for your loss. I too, am grieving, Mum passed away 8 wks ago on Saturday, and it feels like hell! I too, sometimes feel like running away from it all, I have a partner and 3 daughters. I go nearly every day to see Mum at the cemetery. Men just don't have a clue do they, well..sometimes they do.. maybe they just can't handle seeing us suffering with so much pain.. But I'm afraid they will just have to accept it. Hope you can stay strong, I'm trying, but its very, very hard.. Take 1 day at a time, thats all I can say really, I'm afraid
    Take Care, Nickyxxx
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Sarah-Anne,
    I have just read through your previous posts, and though you may not fel it, you do sound to have made progress.

    I have been trying to think what your husband may be feeling. Impotent because he cannot take away your pain, jealous as it is your father that you visit daily; confused, as he does not understand your grief.

    I know when my FIL died, my MIL said to me, I allow myself 10 minutes of being upset a day - then I get on, that is what he would want me to do. What would your father want for you?

    I think it is important that you do not mix up the two issues of grieving for your father, and your marriage.

    Take care. Keep talking.
    Love Helen
     
  8. Sarah-Anne

    Sarah-Anne Registered User

    Mar 17, 2007
    28
    shropshire
    thankyou all....for your words...just being there. This week has been like a lifetime going by.
    It's the weekend..i feel positive. My friend bought me a rosemary plant today, to help with grief...it made me cry and made me happy to know someone so thoughtful.
    :)
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sarah-Anne, I'm glad you're feeling more positive today. Understanding friends can make such a difference, can't they.

    Could you perhaps arrange a nice day out with your husband, if the weather is nice? It would be good for you both to concentrate on each other for a while. Of course, your dad will always be in your mind, but your husband needs you now.

    Keep posting, and let us know how you get on.

    Love,
     

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