Registered User
Aug 21, 2007
Feel so bad at being an awful carer,that l'm thinking of taking the cowards way this an usual response to the strain we are facing


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi mad&sad

You might think the cowards way out is not to be there in some way to care for your Mum - and thus you will not feel the hurt any more.

Few of us were built to be carers for someone who has the needs of a dementia sufferer. Caring for your Mum is always going to be stressful, and most carers I think may believe they are, at best, barely coping.

What you need to think about is how your Mum will fare if you are, for some reason, not there to help her.

If you were not there, then someone else would have to do it.

But that option is possible with you there as well, you simply need to identify where the appropriate help is, and get it into action.

Just a little help may lead you to feel the responsibility for caring is lightened for you.

have a look at some AS fact sheets:

Try to think a step at a time how you can improve your current situation.

If you are desperate, try calling The Samaritans
Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental support, 24 hours a day for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide.
Telephone: 08457 90 90 90 (UK)

Samaritans offer their service by telephone, email, letter and face to face in most of their branches.
Samaritans is available to anyone in the UK and Ireland. If you live outside of the UK and Ireland, visit to find your nearest helpline.
or you could also call the Alzheimer's Society Help Line
The helpline is usually open from 8.30am to 6.30pm Monday to Friday.

The number to dial is 0845 300 0336

How can we help?
Here are a few examples of the kinds of things the Helpline advisers can help with

a list of specialist care homes in your area
what someone may mean, what they may be trying to tell you when they say 'I want to go home'
how to get practical help caring for someone with dementia
someone to talk to if you are having a ‘bad’ day caring for someone with dementia
Finally, you can also, of course, post your fears and questions here on TP.

best wishes


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear mad&sad, please will you tell us a bit more about yourself? Your post worries me because I don't know quite what you mean.

Are you thinking of putting your mum in a nursing home? That wouldn't be cowardly if you feel you can't cope any more. Many of us have to do that.

Are you planning to ask for help? That wouldn't be cowardly either, in fact it would probably be the most sensible thing you can do.

Worst scenario -- are you thinking of suicide? That's not cowardly either, but is not the best solution for either of you. Your mum because she'd still be in a NH, you because -- well.........

Please let us know how we can help you, by PM to any of us if you can't face posting publicly.

But please bear one thing in mind. You are not bad at caring. We all feel inadequate at times, and the strain gets to us all. AD is a dreadful disease for both the sufferer and the carer.

Please let us help you.



Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
Dear mad&sad

Like you I am close to the end of my tether and want to be out of it. I have given it my best shot so I must now consider a nursing home for Mary - it will not be easy but it is better to have a broken heart than a broken spirit. I have my family backing me up which is some comfort but it will still be hard.

Tell us a bit more about your circumstances and feelings for there are TPers who have gone through what you are going through and will be able to offer you good advice.

Thanks to having the advantage of reading of many postings on this subject for some while I have all the advice I need to analyse my position and to make the necessary decision.

Keep in touch



Registered User
Jul 11, 2007
Dear mad&sad,
I have felt very low many times since mum has been living with hubby and me and has been diagnosed with dementia. she is very demanding and verbally abusive to my self, family and friends.and sometimes I have wished I could get away form the situation.

Thankfully I have always had support from family and friends, lately a lot of good friends found here on Talking Point. to know that there are other people out there going through similar lives helps very much.

I urge you to talk to someone, about your situation .
I send you all my best wishes,
regards paris07