help

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
bristol
Hi everyone out there, I have just returned from seeing my lovely wife June she has moved deeper into her dementia and I don't know what to do, no contact today she is leaving me so fast now i fill so useless June would be so much stronger I know she would, so here I am with a large brandy not the answer I know,ishould phone my family but I cant tell how I fill, sorry to have to send out this post but I really don't know what to do, we all have are problems I don't really help do I pins tony
 

nicoise

Registered User
Jun 29, 2010
1,806
Hello Pins Tony,

I'm sorry to read that your visit today has not been a good one - it has obviously hit you hard and you are not surprisingly feeling very down.

It may be that June has a bit of an infection - even something fairly minor that wouldn't affect you or I much can cause a lot of confusion and a worsening of symptoms to a scary degree. It might be worth asking the home if she could be tested for a UTI or perhaps a chest infection in case medication could help her.

But whatever the cause, no wonder you feel gloomy, and reaching for the brandy (well, the sun is nearly over the yardarm at this time of year with dusk arriving earlier!).

But do try phoning your family too - whilst you understandably find it difficult to talk about how you feel, I'm sure they would be only too pleased to hear from you, and probably worry about you too without you realising it.

But well done for coming here to TP - there's always someone around, and I suspect most of us have been where you are now at some time, and are happy to lend a listening ear.

I don't know how often you visit June, but it can be that things change daily - and your next visit could be very different, and that you find her back with you again.

Take care :)
 

Cornishman

Registered User
May 27, 2013
379
Hi Tony

Sorry to hear about your situation and especially about your wife's health.

In the past I've felt much the same regarding not wanting to pick up the phone. But when I have, within a few short moments it feels better to hear another voice and share your thoughts and understandable worries. I'm sure everyone would understand how emotional and sad you must feel right now, but in my experience people would actually want you to call.

Thinking of you.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
So sorry you have had a sad day. Brandy perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to my family, so with apologises for not wanting to phone them I usually send them an email, this way seems easier for me to fill them in on how my mum is doing. Take care, maybe another brandy?
 

janemit

Registered User
Sep 7, 2014
30
Dementia is so cruel and it teases you. No day seems to be the same. I visit my mum who sometimes cries as she has been so worried about me as I haven't been to visit for ages then the next time she is not sure who I am.
Every family member deal differently, my brother visits but never contacts me, my sister always rings me if she has visited and is upset. My husband doesn't visit as he can't cope and my daughters both in there 20's don't like to ask about their nan. So I am sure your family are coping in different ways but give them a ring and tell them how you feel. Even if they don't respond in the right way at least you have expressed your feelings. Talk to people at the home too.
I have found talking point so helpful and by reading how others are coping has helped me too.
best wishes
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,670
England
Hello Pins Tony.

I too was in a bad place back in June through to August. My husband survived and though not back to where he was prior to the infection is alert, eating and drinking well though speech is not what it was and he is now immobile but he is still here.

It is very frightening and it is understandable how you feel but please try to speak to your family, I would have been lost without my family being along side me for those few months and I am sure they would have wanted to know.

You have your brandy, my chosen tipple was black coffee, and try not to worry too much, you can make yourself ill if you are not careful. If you feel you cannot talk to your family right now come onto TP and accept our support, it is given freely and with great feeling.

Take care,

Jay
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,489
Dundee
I'm so sorry things are not good for you and your wife. As Jean says we are all here for you. I often think it's easier to share how you feel on TP than it is to share with close family. There will always be someone here to listen.

Take care.
 

Gigglemore

Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
526
British Isles
Dear Tony - I do hope that June was just tired today and that she is a little better tomorrow. You do so much, taking her out for lunch and making her feel secure and loved in so many ways. When you feel up to it do reach out to your family - you are supporting June but you need support too to help you through darker days.

Hope the brandy has helped you to a good night's sleep. Take care of yourself - your dear June needs you to be strong for her.
 

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
bristol
today

Dear Tony - I do hope that June was just tired today and that she is a little better tomorrow. You do so much, taking her out for lunch and making her feel secure and loved in so many ways. When you feel up to it do reach out to your family - you are supporting June but you need support too to help you through darker days.

Hope the brandy has helped you to a good night's sleep. Take care of yourself - your dear June needs you to be strong for her.
Hi out here doctor seeing June today I think she's had enough poor soul l wish I could give my braln to her then I would not to see her suffer sorry to be so stupid
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
Hi out here doctor seeing June today I think she's had enough poor soul l wish I could give my braln to her then I would not to see her suffer sorry to be so stupid
Aw pins tony I am so sorry about your wife and hope she is feeling better today,I know that you would do anything to have her well again,


None of this is your fault and you are doing very well she is lucky to have someone who cares and loves her so much,
I hope that the doctor can help and that you both have a better day,

Jeany x
 

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
bristol
doctors visit

Aw pins tony I am so sorry about your wife and hope she is feeling better today,I know that you would do anything to have her well again,


None of this is your fault and you are doing very well she is lucky to have someone who cares and loves her so much,
I hope that the doctor can help and that you both have a better day,

Jeany x
thanks Jeany the visit yesterday was better June being check water infection thanks again take care