dave b

Registered User
Nov 21, 2006
10 minitues ago i was going to come on and have a rant!,
i have now calmed down! mom keeps seeing people everywere, toilet,kitchen. bedroom, i just smile & say ok,is this the best way to go? just humour her.
next week i have a meeting with her social worker & am looking for alist of local care homes am i going the right way?, iknow i'm starting to loose it!


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Dave, so sorry you're feeling so stressed. It gets like that, doesn't it?

You're doing exactly the right thing, going along with your mom's hallucinations. Just say that you think they've gone now. Arguing does no good at all, so well done.

If it's getting to you to that extent, then perhaps it is time to be looking for a care home. That way you'll be able to enjoy visiting her, without the pressure. There's no shame in admitting you can't cope any more, most of us get to that stage eventually, and you've done so well, caring for her for so long. I'd seriously think about it.

Take care,


dave b

Registered User
Nov 21, 2006
thanks hazel
i'm now not so stressed now.deep breaths all that gubbings,
moms now asleep in front of the tv
could be aprob tonight when day is night if you get my drift!
must get serious with the sw! every time we to the docs she is more worried about me than mom, have i got a diamond doc or not?


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Dave,
every time we to the docs she is more worried about me than mom, have i got a diamond doc or not?
I am glad someone is concerned for you. Without you where would mum be.
Even if she has to change her 'home' to have 24 hour care, she will still need you.

Hope you get some answers soon.


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
get serious with the sw
Yes you must get serious with SW. If necessary get your notes down and keep them in front of you whilst he/she is there.

I think you are right to look at care homes. After all just looking is not necessarily commiting to them and if you do not need them immediately you are prepared for the future.

Good luck. Beckyjan


Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
west mids
Dear Dave,

I got to that point with my mum in January when I knew my own mental and physical health was going to suffer if she didnt get 24 hr care.

I started looking at homes then, but mum didnt actually get through the system till end of March (mums in Staffs area too).

Mum had a brilliant social worker who really acted as my advocate as well as hers
, but the system loves carers like us who will keep going regardless of how utterly exhausted they are. On the advice of the SW I claimed "carer breakdown" and mum finally got care home admission.

My advice is be tough, state exactly what YOU need and if poss take somebody with you (theres safety in numbers) :eek:

Good luck
Ally x


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Ally's post makes excellent sense, Dave. There really is no point in ending up with TWO ill people - your Mum with dementia and you a complete mental and physical wreck.

If you start looking for homes now you have some control over where your Mum goes. If you "keep on keeping on" until you collapse, she will have to take emergency care wherever it is available - and that may not be up to the standard you would want.

You do need to take care of yourself as well as your Mum. (Easier said than done though, I know.)

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