Help!

[biker girl]

Hi everyone, I'm using this forum for the very first time and I'm not very good at using the net etc. Prefer to be out on my bike! So please bear with me til I get it right.
Mum was diagnosed a couple of years ago and prescribed Aricept. We have gone through a period during which the dementia has levelled off. But now things are changing again.
Mum lives in her own house still, on her own since Dad died years ago. Sister lives too far away and has her own problems so its down to me, hubby and kids.
I have started using daily and weekly boxes for her pills and phoning daily to remind her to take them (live 15 miles away). Most days one of us go to see her.
But now she doesn't always take the pills and sometimes I catch her chewing them instead of swallowing. I bet they taste awful!
Yesterday was my son's 18th and we had a family meal at home. Mum made hubby feel like a stranger in his own home. She was nasty and very sarcastic.
Don't know if she was thinking he was my ex? It hurt us a lot.
Makes me feel unwilling to include her sometimes as I am on tenderhooks all the time and don't enjoy the occassion. Then I feel selfish! Is this normal? Is anything normal?
I have read some of the other postings, and I know I have been lucky as Mum's bank manager and solicitor both contacted me when Mum got herself in difficulties and then we sorted out the power of attorney stuff. I do feel a great weight on my shoulders. It doesn't help that Mum-in-law is physically disabled and very depressed and lives up north on her own, without the family support she should have. We are trying to get her transferred down to us but are waiting for a sheltered flat to become available. In the meantime any weekend we manage to get free we have to travel for 3-4hours and spend it looking after her!

That's got that lot off my chest and now I had better do some work. Will try finding my way back on to the site tomorrow.

My heart goes out to everyone in the same or similar situation

 

[Skye]

Hi Biker Girl, and welcome to TP. Your post is fine, so don't worry.

You certainly have a lot on your hands, looking after mother and MIL. It will be a bit easier if you can get MIL nearer to you.

The problems you are experiencing with your mum are, I'm afraid fairly typical, as you'll realise if you've been reading the posts.

The unpleasantness to your husband is probably because she has become very possessive of you, and resents his closeness. She will be feeling very insecure and frightened, and anyone who takes your attention away from her is seen as a threat. Even the fact that it was your son's birthday would be unsettling for her. I'm afraid you just have to accept that family gatherings will be difficult, it will be easier if you arrange to see her in ones and twos, so that she has all the attention.

As for the pills, have you asked SS if someone could call in to administer them? My husband has also taken to chewing his pills, and that's with me standing over him. She could possibly have her medication in liquid form, but she certainly wouldn't be able to administer it herself.

Keep posting now that you've found us, you'll find lots of support.

Good luck,

 

[Margarita]

Then I feel selfish! Is this normal? Is anything normal?

Yes its normal feeling selfish , because your not selfish , if you was you would not care at all , Its all a catch 22 with it "feeling normal "

Is anything normal , well I have to say to my myself what is my reality or yours opps I can get very philosophical , so better stop

Welcome to TP biker girl

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Bikergirl,

Welcome to TP. I`m pleased you`ve found TP and posted, because here you will find everytning is normal and nothing is normal, if that makes sense.

I imagine your mother will feel more secure in her own home, and probably be kinder to your husband, than in your home, however familiar she is with it. My husband doesn`t like visiting our son, he would much rather he came to visit us.

You do have your hands full with a dependant mother and mother in law. Do either of them have any support from Social Services.

I would phone your mother`s GP and leave a message about your concerns re her medication. Perhaps a carer could visit to make sure she takes it properly and maybe keep an eye on her at the same time.

I hope you find TP helpful.

Take care