Hi I'm new to this but really need some advice, my mum has Alzheimer's and she is starting to get very down and depressed, her illness is not something we can ever discuss with her. She feels useless as she has nothing to do, my dad is her main carer and does a fantastic job, its just that she's bored silly and can't actually manage to do anything. I have looked on loads of websites and tried various suggestions of activities for her , nothing seems to work because she just can't do them. She was always so fit and active, they walk my dog 4 days a week and this is really good for them both, but when at home and my dad has to do other things she is getting very down. She just looks so miserable. I know there are cafes etc for her to visit or both of them but they are always in a morning and they do dog walking then. I just want her to be happy, she never did really have any hobbies, she walked a lot and was always helping others, so there is nothing that we can call on to get her involve in. Sorry to go on, if anyone has any suggestions please let me know, I'm willing to try anything. My mum is only 71 and still very fit.
Help
- Thread starter beckibee
- Start date
Hello Beckybee,
Welcome to the forum!
If I knew what stage your Mum is at, it would be easier to give concrete suggestions.
In the early to moderate stages I could keep Mum busy. We made endless batches of jam (presents for anyone who came anywhere near us). We used to go together to pick rosehips, and made delicious rosehip jam (labour of love!). Sloe jelly, lavender bags, notelets, I wrote round robins for her and left space so she could write a paragraph of her own, and the family got all the updates.
Now Mum is quite severe and she can't do anything on her own. Now she loves to watch DVD's. Jane Austen was always a favorite and she watches the whole lot regularly. Downton Abbey. Mrs Bucket (Bouquet) and Keeping Up Appearances, It couldn't happen to a vet, Dad's Army......
Before that she used to really enjoy listening to radio..... nice chat, but she could passively listen.
Others have had much success with a rummage box. Fill it with things she likes, old letters, buttons to sort, photos of family and people she loves, memories, a few things that feel nice, and keep it filled up. She could sort through all of this, again and again.
Right up to last year Mum gardenend like mad. The great thing about weeds is they keep growing. Endless cycle of weeding, watering, digging.... this was Mum's greatest pleasure in life and in dementia.
Hope something here is useful to you. If you don't get the answer you want, just post again. Glad you posted, BE
Welcome to the forum!
If I knew what stage your Mum is at, it would be easier to give concrete suggestions.
In the early to moderate stages I could keep Mum busy. We made endless batches of jam (presents for anyone who came anywhere near us). We used to go together to pick rosehips, and made delicious rosehip jam (labour of love!). Sloe jelly, lavender bags, notelets, I wrote round robins for her and left space so she could write a paragraph of her own, and the family got all the updates.
Now Mum is quite severe and she can't do anything on her own. Now she loves to watch DVD's. Jane Austen was always a favorite and she watches the whole lot regularly. Downton Abbey. Mrs Bucket (Bouquet) and Keeping Up Appearances, It couldn't happen to a vet, Dad's Army......
Before that she used to really enjoy listening to radio..... nice chat, but she could passively listen.
Others have had much success with a rummage box. Fill it with things she likes, old letters, buttons to sort, photos of family and people she loves, memories, a few things that feel nice, and keep it filled up. She could sort through all of this, again and again.
Right up to last year Mum gardenend like mad. The great thing about weeds is they keep growing. Endless cycle of weeding, watering, digging.... this was Mum's greatest pleasure in life and in dementia.
Hope something here is useful to you. If you don't get the answer you want, just post again. Glad you posted, BE
Thanks for your response's, my mum is in the moderate to severe stage, she did used to work as a chemistry teacher but she can't seem to remember much about that, she is under the impression that she taught maths as well which she didn't. Big shame though as my daughter loves chemistry and is so much like her grandma, they would have a great time doing experiments etc. We try to get her to garden but like anything else she needs to be told each time she pulls a weed out to pull another one out. I have left her with the dogs brush today so see if she can groom him. I know this seems harsh but I need something that maybe she can do on her own as well as my dad does need a bit of space to do other things. My daughter does bake with her at the weekend but you cant expect a 14 to spend too much time helping, I go most lunchtimes and take my mum out when I can. My dad says he's coping fine but I just don't like to see my mum looking bored and miserable, growing up we always struggled to keep up with her she was always so active and fit.
Hi Beckybee,
Methinks your Mum and mine are at a similar stage. Needing stimulation and company and activity..... yet everything gets stymied as they aren't able to 'do' anything. Mum can't set the table (four places, where to put the plates? where do the knives go? it takes such a long time, and god, it hurts me to watch her not succeed even to put four plates, four knives and forks out).
Gardening is the same tragedy as your Mum. I need to show her the weeds, and gardening WAS such a passion, a life-time of beauty and scent, and now she doesn't even go into the garden. So I motivate and stimulate, and she just gets aggressive.
Even talking to Mum is hard, because she is so often not at all lucid..... so now it boils down to lots of time on her own watching DVDs while we try to get on with life. We are working on getting a fulltime carer..... vague hope this will be good for her. But when one reaches this stage, can life be 'good' any more.
Sorry to sound depressing, but I find this stage so challenging because I can't find the 'ups' in all the sadness. Mum lonely (I think), but how to keep her company without talking? Mum bored (at least she should be) but she doesn't enjoy anything.
Sending you good vibes..... I don't have solutions. Sorry about that, as I am a real mover and shaker and optimist..... and my shedload of ideas are petering out! Hugs, BE
Methinks your Mum and mine are at a similar stage. Needing stimulation and company and activity..... yet everything gets stymied as they aren't able to 'do' anything. Mum can't set the table (four places, where to put the plates? where do the knives go? it takes such a long time, and god, it hurts me to watch her not succeed even to put four plates, four knives and forks out).
Gardening is the same tragedy as your Mum. I need to show her the weeds, and gardening WAS such a passion, a life-time of beauty and scent, and now she doesn't even go into the garden. So I motivate and stimulate, and she just gets aggressive.
Even talking to Mum is hard, because she is so often not at all lucid..... so now it boils down to lots of time on her own watching DVDs while we try to get on with life. We are working on getting a fulltime carer..... vague hope this will be good for her. But when one reaches this stage, can life be 'good' any more.
Sorry to sound depressing, but I find this stage so challenging because I can't find the 'ups' in all the sadness. Mum lonely (I think), but how to keep her company without talking? Mum bored (at least she should be) but she doesn't enjoy anything.
Sending you good vibes..... I don't have solutions. Sorry about that, as I am a real mover and shaker and optimist..... and my shedload of ideas are petering out! Hugs, BE
If she loves animals, what about taking her to visit a dog's home or small animals farm where she could see the animals, and maybe there would be a cafe where you could have a cup of tea etc. I realise this would not necessarily be a regular activitiy but it would be something different for her to do. Or would she respond to a dvd about dogs, etc. Maybe like recording the Paul O'Grady series re the Battersea dogs; don't know if you could get this sort of thing on dvd but would that interest her while your Dad was busy? Or could she do a scrapbook about dogs like getting postcards and putting them in a book or just having a box of them and sorting them etc?
Would she be up to doing a guided walk? Would she take in any information on the tour?
Or are there any local groups she could join - like a group walk with dogs or a day centre where it would give her other activities to do?
Would she be up to doing a guided walk? Would she take in any information on the tour?
Or are there any local groups she could join - like a group walk with dogs or a day centre where it would give her other activities to do?
Hi
Hi.
I'm sorry I don't think I can give any advice that will really help, or that you probably haven't already tried. I'm in a very similar position with my mum. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is also very down and depressed (and we also have to pretend that she has nothing wrong with her). What used to help was taking her our anywhere different - a bit of assisted shopping or a visit to the park, beach etc, but I'm sad to say this is no longer effective. She is still sullen, depressed, no matter how many times I take her out, and has started becoming aggressive even to shop staff on occasion. I'm sorry if this is no help at all but your mum's symptoms were so similar to my mum's that I felt a bit less overwhelmed just reading your post. Good luck and if your dad gets lots of appreciation and recognition for what he's doing, this may help ease the burden ever so slightly. Best Wishes
PS Saw my mum shortly after writing this and she seemed a lot happier today - hopefully your family too will get some easier days.
Hi.
I'm sorry I don't think I can give any advice that will really help, or that you probably haven't already tried. I'm in a very similar position with my mum. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is also very down and depressed (and we also have to pretend that she has nothing wrong with her). What used to help was taking her our anywhere different - a bit of assisted shopping or a visit to the park, beach etc, but I'm sad to say this is no longer effective. She is still sullen, depressed, no matter how many times I take her out, and has started becoming aggressive even to shop staff on occasion. I'm sorry if this is no help at all but your mum's symptoms were so similar to my mum's that I felt a bit less overwhelmed just reading your post. Good luck and if your dad gets lots of appreciation and recognition for what he's doing, this may help ease the burden ever so slightly. Best Wishes
PS Saw my mum shortly after writing this and she seemed a lot happier today - hopefully your family too will get some easier days.
Last edited:
Hi V1,
This used to really perk Mum up, a drive, a trip somewhere, anything different. Like yours, my mother can get irritable when we go out. I think it is overwhelm when she is aggressive. Can't cope with new places, people and spaces. Too demanding, too confusing.
This is such a sad state. Wish I could turn back the clock. All the best, BE
This used to really perk Mum up, a drive, a trip somewhere, anything different. Like yours, my mother can get irritable when we go out. I think it is overwhelm when she is aggressive. Can't cope with new places, people and spaces. Too demanding, too confusing.
This is such a sad state. Wish I could turn back the clock. All the best, BE
