Hi NikNak, All this aggression from your mother sounds just like the aggression I had from my husband when he was still fighting for his independence. He knew his diagnosis but didn`t understand what it really meant [and still doesn`t]. He was convinced he could make himself better if he put his mind to it. Do you think your mum is like that.
It is harder when it is your parent. They are used to telling you what to do, they consider themselves older and wiser and are not receptive to taking advice from their children.
When it`s your husband or wife, you are on an equal footing. Neither is wiser or more experienced.
Your mother still feels she doesn`t need you to remind her to have her eyes tested, for example. When she was well, it probably wouldn`t have bothered her, but now she`s fighting, to retain her self respect and dignity.
All I can suggest is you try to imagine how you would feel if your daughter suddenly tried to take over your life. I know you`re not doing that, but your mother might see it like that.
If you have anything to say, think first about how it may sound to her. I know how hard that will be, but it`s better than having a big flare up.
Because I`m saying these things, don`t think I`m able to do them all the time. Sometimes I can and sometimes I lose it and flare up myself. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn`t.
Today, my husband told me I am mollycoddling him and making him worse. According to him, he`s leaving me tomorrow and going to get a flat, stand on his own feet and get himself better. This is what I have to listen to when I`m breaking my back, trying to make things as easy as possible for him.
So I`ve told him to go, with my blessing, knowing he`ll have forgotten it by tomorrow, if he hasn`t forgotten already. I`ve taken myself into another room for some peace. This is action I can recommend, when your mum gets too much for you.
Take care, love Sylvia