1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. catm

    catm Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    14
    Merseyside
    Hi,
    Mom's had a bad day today, she'd been extremely aggressive and unco-operative, and even threatened to kill me. She just kept screaming and shouting at me, refused to get dressed beyond her underwear, refused to take any medication (So the anti psychotics were a real help with that one, huh?) and her face changed so much that she was barely recognisable. There was just so much hate there it frightened me. She told me she wanted me to leave and never come back and what I was I doing here anyway seeing as this house had nothing to do with me. It's my house for pete's sake!! As I was getting more upset by her outburst and more frightened she might actually hit me or hurt me in some way I just picked up the cordless phone, got my keys, locked the house and left her alone for about half an hour while I sat outside in the car bawling. Lord knows what the neighbours will think... I got on the phone to try to talk to her consultant, to see if he thought some other drugs would be better than the Quetiapine, but he was out and his secretary wasn't at her desk and their voicemail was full. Try again tomorrow... Couldn't call anywhere else for help so I called my gran for a bit of emotional support, and felt a bit more calm. Went back inside to try to get mom dressed and give her her drugs. After about 15 minutes of pointing out she must be cold without her clothes on (The heating was on, but it was more a point to get her to take notice) and trying to be as calm and reasonable as possible, she finally let me get her dressed and give her her drugs. She's been way off base all day, and there's the hint that despite the drugs, that the aggression and violence are still there under the surface waiting to appear again. My sister nicknamed it her "Bride of Chucky" moments, (after the horror films,) but thankfully she's never been treated to any of them first hand. We're supposed to be going to see my sisiter and gran at the weekend, so I hope this has been a passing phase for today and tomorrow will see it gone and she's back to normal. Anybody any good ideas with how to deal with it in future though???

    Any ideas gratefully received....

    Cat
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Cat,
    Sounds as though you did well; made sure mum was safe, made sure that you were safe; gave mum time to calm down, got yourself some emotional support, then went back in and accomplished the task in hand - brilliant!
    Sounds as though you need to talk to the consultant asap. Hope tomorrow is better.
    Love Helen
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Cat, I've just reread some of your postings. As mum is nolonger going to the day care centre, can you get anyone to come into the house and stay with her so that you can get out. You must look after your needs as well.
    Love Helen
     
  4. catm

    catm Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    14
    Merseyside
    Hi Helen,
    Wish it was that simple.....I have no real friends to ask, no one in the area where I live and so the only people she'd be safe spending time with for me to have a break are either my sister or my gran. As neither of live them close by, (My gran is the nearest at 90 miles away) it means a car journey to see either of them most of the time. To be honest, my sister wouldn't really know how to do deal with it, and my gran treats my mom like she's just being a stroppy toddler and tells her to "Pull herself together and behave" - she just doesn't understand how it affects my mom and that that doesn't help! My gran's only seen my mom be a bit stroppy, rather than the full blown meltdown we had earlier, and I wouldn't want my gran to see my mom the way she was earlier - talking about it isn't the same as having to face up to it by seeing it first-hand, and my gran's very frail anyway, it wouldn't be fair. Coming here keeps me sane, and hopefully the consultant can suggest something if I can get hold of him tomorrow. Just wondered if anyone else had any other coping strategies.....

    Thanks for the support.

    Cat.
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Cat,
    I'm not talking about family support. Does your mum have a CPN or a Social Worker? Because mum was self funding dad used to have to pay for a carer to come in, but I know this is not always the case. Have you been in touch with your local AD Society, aybe they could tell you what help is available in your area.
    Cat, you cannot do this on your own, you must find other means of support.
    Love Helen
     
  6. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Help!

    My Mum was never aggressive but she did have prolonged periods of crying and feeling sorry for herself (nobody cares, I'm all alone, where is everybody?) which I found difficult to cope with when she was at home. I'm afraid that on several occaisons I had to walk out on her because I couldn't cope with it.
    When she had a very disturbing hallucination, which left her in a terrible emotional state, we rang the GP and he saw us immediately after surgery in the evening (about 6pm) He gave her some drugs and a doctor from the mental health team called at her house next day. I think if there is an emergency there can be a swift response.
    Now Mum is in a NH, they seem to have worked out a regime of drugs which is keeping her reasonably happy without sedating her. I don't think you should be in a position where you might get hurt physically, and emotionally it could be impossible to cope with. I know that if Mum had not gone into a care home when she did last year, I would have become quite ill myself. It can take a really long time to get better if you do become depressed and your family would suffer too.
    I do hope you can get some support from the NHS and social services because you need all the help you can get.
    Kayla
     
  7. catm

    catm Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    14
    Merseyside
    Hi,
    Today mom's much the same as she was yesterday, but I did manage to get hold of her consultant and he told me she can have more of the Quetiapine at a more regular interval as she's only on a low dose, so she can have 6 tablets a day and a little more at bedtime and we'll see how it goes. If that doesn't work then he'll look at changing the meds to something else. For now we'll have to give it a go and see. Helen, she does have a Social Services Care manager assigned, but as we're classed as self funding too, then I'd have to pay to get a carer in, and they'd only send someone from the agency we'd already tried and found completely useless. If I can't leave her with someone else and also know that they will show up when they're supposed to, do what I ask them to and we won't get a whole raft of different people showing up then it's a pointless exercise. We're still on the waiting list for Crossroads (Have been since February, and it doesn't look like it's any nearer happening), but I have had a light in the darkness today, as my mom's consultant said if she's still having psychotic episodes and is dissociative despite the increase in medication that they can take her for two weeks at the hospital to see if there's anything more they can do with her meds, perhaps try some new ones or new levels and to give me some respite, and that they could do it just like that this weekend! No need to get the GP or anyone else involved, I can just pack a bag for her and take her up there. He said he'd leave her notes out for the staff, so it's always an option if I feel she's a bit more than I can cope with right now. The man's a true saint, I'm so glad we've now got someone to deal with her care who actually understands and cares about the patient as well as the carer!

    Anyway, hoping tomorrow sees a change for the better!

    Thanks for the support peeps! :)

    Cat
     
  8. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Cat,
    Good to know that there is a safety valve if things just become too much with your mum - I think just knowing that relieves the pressure a bit.
    I know what you mean about a string of carers. Dad told the agency that in mum's condition there had to be continuity, and that carers had to turn up on time. (He would arrange a teeing off time!) Yes there were hiccoughs, but it worked a lot of the time. Later on though, he would just drop mum off at the care home where she went for day care, two or three times a week. ( Just drop off, what an understatement!! The struggle that he had getting her in and out of the car!)
    Hope the medication helps. Take care.
    Love Helen
     
  9. Brakes

    Brakes Registered User

    May 22, 2005
    3
    Bath
    help

    I know its not what you might want to hear, but my dear wife entered a 2/3 week period of kicking, punching, spitting and general violence. I had little choice, but to call in the Doctors and very quickly she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and despatched to a secure accomodation for assessment. My view is that she will never return home but end up in a permanent home in due course, of some description.
    The fact is we can only do so much on our own and the State is there to provide a backstop to such problems as Alzheimers. It is my view, however hard it is to bring about, that the long term interests of our loved ones are best served, by utilising in full, the resources available, within your locality.
     
  10. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Brakes,
    Good to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about your wife's deterioration; are they managing to reduce the violence with medication? How are you dealing with this massive change to your life, as I know from your previous posting that you didn't anticipate the move to care so quickly? You are right though, there is only so much that you can do on your own. Take care, and keep in touch.
    Love Helen
     

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