Brucie said:
Whatever, welcome to Guilt World, stookie.
You can only do what you can do!
Brucie, what adoptees do is never good enough (to them). We have already lived in a 'guilt world'. Guilty that we were in the position to be placed/removed for adoption at all... guilty that we have 'imposed' on someone to take the place of our parents..... (all absolutely non-sensical, of course). Generically we live our lives in 'payback' - striving for perfection, for security, proving our worth.
Adoption is obviously as unique to every individual and family as dementia. Combine the two in any family equation and there are bound to be some very complex issues. I posted elsewhere some time ago that I was hurt by a remark (from someone outside TP!) that caring for mum was not an issue because she was not my
'real' mum. How could someone say that when she has been 'mum' for 40+ years?
It's a refreshing slant to liken adoption to marriage (although an infant child of course has no choice in the relationship). No blood ties (in many cases) just a 'legal' contract to care for each other.
I'll post here a poem (anon) so I don't think there is a copyright issue (?) which mum has repeated to me a million times over the last 40+ years:
'Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But still, miraculously, my own.
Never forget for a single minute.
You didn't grow under my heart but in it.'
We are no less parents and children because we have no genetic link - yet both Stookie and I have felt it important to mention our 'status' (Stookie, find me the right word!) in both posts and our public profiles. What does that tell anyone??