This is a constant worry for me. My dad has vascular dementia and is becoming increasingly aggressive. I know he doesn't know what he's saying but it's hard not to feel resentful. He says some awful things to my mum who has to live with this 24/7. I've tried changing the subject which sometimes works , but it's so hard. Anyone any suggestions ?
Hi Kirsty,
Verbal or physical aggression is so hard to cope with, and not feeling resentful when you're on the reciving end of it is, I think, impossible - no matter how often you tell yourself 'It's not him, its the dementia'. I dealt with verbal aggression for nearly 3 years when my Mum in law lived with us, and for her, distraction rarely worked - once she was fixated on being angry with me, neither I, nor her son, nor anyone else could persuade her to back off and calm down, except on very rare occasions.
It may be worth talking to your Dad's consultant or GP, and trying medication to help combat the aggression. We tried - for a long time - this route with Mil, and sadly it didn't work, BUT it can make a huge difference to some pwd's and its worth exploring.
In our case, when Mil's verbal aggression turned to physical aggression, we had no option (for the sake of not only me and OH, but for our 15 year old daughter too) but to go down the care home route. This was after Mil had an extended stay in an assessment unit, where they tried (and obviously failed) to come up with a combination of medication to help with her aggressive and agitated behaviour. Her behaviour is still problamatic in the CH - only last week, some poor carer got 'walloped' in the face - but they are far better situated to cope with the behaviour there.
If you haven't done so already, try seeking help from the GP or consultant. I don't know if your Dad has been allocated a CPN, but Mil was, and we found her support invaluable whilst Mil was living with us.
Good luck x