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Help with talking mother out of fantasies

Eeen2308

New member
May 26, 2020
5
Hi
I am new to this, so please forgive any mistakes

My mother in law has been living with us for a year now due to having Parkinson’s with Lewy body dementia. She is mobile(ish) and able to clean and dress herself ( with a few mistakes)
The hardest thing is her hallucinations, she lives in a constant fantasy world where people talk to her, animals infest her bed and someone hits her while in bed. I must reiterate that this is all fantasies, dreams and hallucinations.
It is almost impossible to talk her down from these things and it is most distressing for my husband and myself
Currently she has been talking incessantly about a letter to see a flat that she is thinking of moving into. Obviously this is another dream/fantasy.
Does anyone have any hints or tips in talking her out of these fantasies as we are both at the end of our tether with this
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,530
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Eeen2308

My dad had hallucinations and I found the best way to deal with them was to deal with the situation as he saw it. For example when he saw bugs crawling all over his carpet I stamped on them then swept them up...even though they were invisible to me. His obsessions (like your mum's letter) I found harder to deal with but they did eventually pass.

Dad didn't find his hallucinations particularly distressing though and had mixed dementia (Alzheimer's and vascular). Others who know more about Lewy body will hopefully be along soon.
 

Eeen2308

New member
May 26, 2020
5
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Eeen2308

My dad had hallucinations and I found the best way to deal with them was to deal with the situation as he saw it. For example when he saw bugs crawling all over his carpet I stamped on them then swept them up...even though they were invisible to me. His obsessions (like your mum's letter) I found harder to deal with but they did eventually pass.

Dad didn't find his hallucinations particularly distressing though and had mixed dementia (Alzheimer's and vascular). Others who know more about Lewy body will hopefully be along soon.
 

Eeen2308

New member
May 26, 2020
5
Thank you for your reply, I must admit that I have always tried to tell her that these things don’t exist, but it never works. I will try to take your advice and ind ways of easing her mind about them and see if that works. Maybe I could try telling her the flat has been sold.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,165
Victoria, Australia
Hi
I am new to this, so please forgive any mistakes

My mother in law has been living with us for a year now due to having Parkinson’s with Lewy body dementia. She is mobile(ish) and able to clean and dress herself ( with a few mistakes)
The hardest thing is her hallucinations, she lives in a constant fantasy world where people talk to her, animals infest her bed and someone hits her while in bed. I must reiterate that this is all fantasies, dreams and hallucinations.
It is almost impossible to talk her down from these things and it is most distressing for my husband and myself
Currently she has been talking incessantly about a letter to see a flat that she is thinking of moving into. Obviously this is another dream/fantasy.
Does anyone have any hints or tips in talking her out of these fantasies as we are both at the end of our tether with this
A friend's mum has lived with Lewy Bodies for over twelve years and hallucinations are part and parcel of the disease and from what I know, you cannot talk her out of them. The lady I know was able for some years to recognise that what she experienced was because of the Lewy Bodies and would say that 'Lewy is being naughty today' when she was having a rough time.

I think the less stress your MIL has will help and I think you need to go along with her without adding to her agitation. Others with more experience than me will be along to give you better advice but just know talking her out of this is not going to happen.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,165
Victoria, Australia
Hi
I am new to this, so please forgive any mistakes

My mother in law has been living with us for a year now due to having Parkinson’s with Lewy body dementia. She is mobile(ish) and able to clean and dress herself ( with a few mistakes)
The hardest thing is her hallucinations, she lives in a constant fantasy world where people talk to her, animals infest her bed and someone hits her while in bed. I must reiterate that this is all fantasies, dreams and hallucinations.
It is almost impossible to talk her down from these things and it is most distressing for my husband and myself
Currently she has been talking incessantly about a letter to see a flat that she is thinking of moving into. Obviously this is another dream/fantasy.
Does anyone have any hints or tips in talking her out of these fantasies as we are both at the end of our tether with this
A friend's mum has lived with Lewy Bodies for over twelve years and hallucinations are part and parcel of the disease and from what I know, you cannot talk her out of them. The lady I know was able for some years to recognise that what she experienced was because of the Lewy Bodies and would say that 'Lewy is being naughty today' when she was having a rough time.

I think the less stress your MIL has will help and I think you need to go along with her without adding to her agitation. Others with more experience than me will be along to give you better advice but just know talking her out of this is not going to happen.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,621
South coast
Hello @Eeen2308 and welcome to DTP.

What your mum has got is a thing called confabulation, which is absolutely classic in all types of dementia. What happens is that the brain is trying to make sense of the gaps in the memory and all the little fragments of memory that are left. So the subconscious mind takes all these fragments, old memories, new memories, things from different times and places, plus things from the TV, snatches of half remembered dreams, conversations, all combined together, mashed up, stretched, distorted and with a hearty dollop of imagination, to form some sort of narrative. The person with dementia has no control over this and to them the result of this confabulation seems like a real memory, so they are totally convinced it is the truth, no matter how bizarre it is.

You will not be able to bring them back into the real world, Im afraid. In order to reach them you have to enter theirs, You might find this link to Compassionate Communication helpful
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,103
Scotland
My husbands cousin had Lewy Body dementia and at the start was able to
Talk about it quite openly. She knew she had hallucinations and called them Lucys. She told me she shouted at the people in her room to go away. She was a very kind lovable person and her family tried everything to
Look after her but eventually the hallucinations took the form of believing they wanted to murder her and she had to go into a home.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
343
In our house every single thing is in the future.
so we would look forward to viewing the flat after lockdown.
we would view the flat after lockdown except the owner is unwell and in bed.
the owner had recovered but someone has run over her dog and she had had a mini breakdown!
the owner is replacing her dog and has gone to Bosnia where the only puppy worthy of replacing the old one is to be found.
The puppy is back in the UK but has some terrible disease and the owner needs to take the property off the market to nurse the puppy!
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
729
High Peak
In our house every single thing is in the future.
so we would look forward to viewing the flat after lockdown.
we would view the flat after lockdown except the owner is unwell and in bed.
the owner had recovered but someone has run over her dog and she had had a mini breakdown!
the owner is replacing her dog and has gone to Bosnia where the only puppy worthy of replacing the old one is to be found.
The puppy is back in the UK but has some terrible disease and the owner needs to take the property off the market to nurse the puppy!
That made me smile! You are good at this! 👏
Weaselly-worded indeed 😁
 

Eeen2308

New member
May 26, 2020
5
In our house every single thing is in the future.
so we would look forward to viewing the flat after lockdown.
we would view the flat after lockdown except the owner is unwell and in bed.
the owner had recovered but someone has run over her dog and she had had a mini breakdown!
the owner is replacing her dog and has gone to Bosnia where the only puppy worthy of replacing the old one is to be found.
The puppy is back in the UK but has some terrible disease and the owner needs to take the property off the market to nurse the puppy!
 

Eeen2308

New member
May 26, 2020
5
In our house every single thing is in the future.
so we would look forward to viewing the flat after lockdown.
we would view the flat after lockdown except the owner is unwell and in bed.
the owner had recovered but someone has run over her dog and she had had a mini breakdown!
the owner is replacing her dog and has gone to Bosnia where the only puppy worthy of replacing the old one is to be found.
The puppy is back in the UK but has some terrible disease and the owner needs to take the property off the market to nurse the puppy!
[
In our house every single thing is in the future.
so we would look forward to viewing the flat after lockdown.
we would view the flat after lockdown except the owner is unwell and in bed.
the owner had recovered but someone has run over her dog and she had had a mini breakdown!
the owner is replacing her dog and has gone to Bosnia where the only puppy worthy of replacing the old one is to be found.
The puppy is back in the UK but has some terrible disease and the owner needs to take the property off the market to nurse the puppy!
hi weasel. Thank you for your reply. It made me smile and also made a lot of sense. I can see now that my husband and I need to be more creative in dealing with his mothers hallucinations. It will be interesting to see what does and doesn’t work. Keeping my fingers crossed.
 

Linton

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
152
Hi een2308.. My OH has Lewy body dementia and has hallucinations and paranoia.. I go along with his hallucinations as much as possible.. All doors locked by 6 in the evening to stop strangers coming in.. Switching channels on TV as he's convinced some people in programs can see and hear him.. Not sitting on a certain chair as others are sat there... Sounds extrem. And at first I