• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Help with mum who has alzheimer's/dementia

Guitar Dave

New member
Apr 7, 2020
4
Good morning.
My mum is 83 lives 200 yards from us in a flat which is partly warden controlled. We have a few issues/concerns here
She has moderate Alzheimer's & is rather bad on her feet now following a fall last July that resulted in several weeks in hospital. She also has COPD
My main problems are
1) she has declined & continues to decline help from Social Services, refuses help from the falls team, has returned all walking aids given to her & will not do anything really to help herself or occupy herself, even though she is bored.
She has no interests, wont consider trying anything new. She is pretty bad with any technology I.e cannot use a TV remote, Tassimo machine, video recorder etc - and so mobile phones & internet use is out the window.
With us now being in lockdown, and with almost everything normally left for me & my wife to try & do for her, am worried about her boredom & loneliness as well as getting her meds administered on a daily basis.
I have to physically take her meds to her daily as she gets confused & messes them up, has no idea (as in cant remember & gets confused) what to take & when - I've even tried writing it down, but thats not worked.
She cant get out on her own, her mobility is not good enough, cant get to the shops, so we would generally do her shopping - but again with lockdown, this has posed another problem.
She is in isolation for 3 months & I might end up being in isolation too, I'm trying to get hold of my GP to ascertain whether I need to as i suffer with chronic health conditions that suppress my immune system.
I do not know what to do & wondered if anyone else is faced with similar issues/circumstances & if so, what you are doing to help.
Is there a service to assist with meds on a daily basis ?
How can I introduce ANYTHING to try occupy a stubborn but lovely sufferer ?
No supermarkets have delivery slots & they're not even answering calls so cant order and/or ask them what we can do to get food.
Just need some ideas/help really
Thanks
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,510
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @Guitar Dave.

In my area(NI) the local Health and Social Care Trust have a Caring Communities Safe and Well team that might assist in circumstances such as these. It may be worth asking the GP about anything like that in your area.

I wish you strength.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,616
South coast
In my area the Parish Council are providing a service for shopping and collecting prescription to the over 70s and vulnerable people. If you google the Parish/ District Council where you live I expect that they will be doing the same. Contact them and ask what help they are offering.

Your mum has reached the stage where she needs an actual person to do things for her - give her meds, switch on the TV, make meals etc - which you have already discovered. There probably isnt a lot you can do about the boredom and loneliness at the moment. A Day Centre would be the answer, but they are all closed at the moment. Once the crisis is over, you might want to get carers in to give her her meds.

Unfortunately, if you ask someone with dementia if they want something, the default answer is usually no. Do you have POA for your mum? If you do then you could just get on and arrange for carers (repackaged as a friend coming in) and Day Care (repackaged as a club)
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
768
Hi @Guitar Dave, as @canary says most District/Parish Councils have set up volunteering schemes that should be able to assist with shopping and medication distribution to your Mum (although it won't extend to helping with medication - is that something the warden can keep an eye on in these exceptional circumstances?). Have you asked the pharmacy to put them into daily blister packs which may help (you could then perhaps prompt by phone?).

I don't know if there are any meals on wheels services operating in the area - that may be worth exploring (if you look on the County Council's or London Borough website you should be able to find the contact number). It's probably worth a call to Social Services who may also be able to direct you to newly established voluntary helper schemes - I know ours have introduced an emergency food/supplies parcel delivery for the vulnerable.

I have to say most of us have been there with the refusal of any help as our loved ones find it impossible to accept help. What I would say is keep trying, as the situation may change - it did in my experience. I never thought my Mum would accept any help, she had the same ethos as your Mum - in the end we had home care, a gardener and a cleaner. It took one foot in the door to realise that it was beneficial.

No easy answers I'm afraid. I hope you find something that can help in this difficult time. Stay strong.
 

Guitar Dave

New member
Apr 7, 2020
4
Hi @Guitar Dave, as @canary says most District/Parish Councils have set up volunteering schemes that should be able to assist with shopping and medication distribution to your Mum (although it won't extend to helping with medication - is that something the warden can keep an eye on in these exceptional circumstances?). Have you asked the pharmacy to put them into daily blister packs which may help (you could then perhaps prompt by phone?).

I don't know if there are any meals on wheels services operating in the area - that may be worth exploring (if you look on the County Council's or London Borough website you should be able to find the contact number). It's probably worth a call to Social Services who may also be able to direct you to newly established voluntary helper schemes - I know ours have introduced an emergency food/supplies parcel delivery for the vulnerable.

I have to say most of us have been there with the refusal of any help as our loved ones find it impossible to accept help. What I would say is keep trying, as the situation may change - it did in my experience. I never thought my Mum would accept any help, she had the same ethos as your Mum - in the end we had home care, a gardener and a cleaner. It took one foot in the door to realise that it was beneficial.

No easy answers I'm afraid. I hope you find something that can help in this difficult time. Stay strong.
Hi Pete1 .... it's my 1st post AND subsequent reply, so I hope this works & you see it.
Thank you, I've noted some of these ideas/suggestions & I'll look into these.
Appreciate your response & time in replying.
Take care & be safe 😊
 

Guitar Dave

New member
Apr 7, 2020
4
Hello and welcome @Guitar Dave.

In my area(NI) the local Health and Social Care Trust have a Caring Communities Safe and Well team that might assist in circumstances such as these. It may be worth asking the GP about anything like that in your area.

I wish you strength.
Hi karaokePete
Thankyou so much for your reply. I will look into this. Appreciate your post. Take care & stay safe 😊
 

Guitar Dave

New member
Apr 7, 2020
4
Hello and welcome @Guitar Dave.

In my area(NI) the local Health and Social Care Trust have a Caring Communities Safe and Well team that might assist in circumstances such as these. It may be worth asking the GP about anything like that in your area.

I wish you strength.
Hi karaokePete
Thankyou so much for your reply. I will look into this. Appreciate your post. Take care & stay safe 😊
In my area the Parish Council are providing a service for shopping and collecting prescription to the over 70s and vulnerable people. If you google the Parish/ District Council where you live I expect that they will be doing the same. Contact them and ask what help they are offering.

Your mum has reached the stage where she needs an actual person to do things for her - give her meds, switch on the TV, make meals etc - which you have already discovered. There probably isnt a lot you can do about the boredom and loneliness at the moment. A Day Centre would be the answer, but they are all closed at the moment. Once the crisis is over, you might want to get carers in to give her her meds.

Unfortunately, if you ask someone with dementia if they want something, the default answer is usually no. Do you have POA for your mum? If you do then you could just get on and arrange for carers (repackaged as a friend coming in) and Day Care (repackaged as a club)
Hi Canary
We have had SS out 3 times now, she's declined any help on each ocassion.
It's a long complicated story to go into ....
I've had a letter confirming closure of her case. I have however noted the suggestions & what has been suggested/advised & will look at this to see if there's a way forward for us.
Thank you so much for your post I appreciate your time. Regards 😊
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
768
Hi @Guitar Dave, I also forget to mention is Mum in receipt of Attendance Allowance? If not it is worth applying, it also may help her with the decision to accept some help i.e. if the government are giving money for it. I do appreciate how difficult and frustrating it is to get someone to accept help that won't through pride and independence. The only thing I can reiterate is don't think I won't bother with that again there is no point (although we often feel like it is a thankless task), it may work at some juncture. It is a tough journey. Keep posting and let us know how you get on.