Help with moving

[GOLDILOCKS]

Hi,
I am a new user looking for some help and advice. My 80 year old Mother in law has early stages of alzheimers and being cared for by my 80 year old father in law. He is struggling and the plan is for them to move to a bungalow in their village and for us to buy their house off them and move so we will be close. However she has become more forgetful recently and my father in law is concerned that she won't cope with the move. I am not sure how to ake it easier. They currently live in a large house with lots of steps that they are struggling to manage. We are 20 inutes away so between working and bringing up kids the practical help we can offer from here is mininimal. Are we doing the right thing or is it going to cause more problems ? Any tips on making the move less confusing for her. She already has periods of feeling her current home is not hers. She is excited about the move.
Hope this plea for advice makes sense !

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Goldilocks and welcome to Talking Point.

I would be lying if I told you this was going to be easy. Any change in environment is going to be difficult for your MIL to handle. However, and here is an important point that you are already aware of, even familiar enviornments are going to difficult to handle. I moved my mother from a 3 bedroomed house to a one bedroomed flat after her strokes, and until she went into a nursing home, she continually asked me "do I live here?" "is that my bathroom?" "is that my phone?" and so on and so on. The thing I had to remember was: after the strokes she was asking the same questions about the 3 bedroomed house she'd lived in for the last 20 years. In other words, any envioronment was confusing for her and nothing looked familiar to her.

I think it sounds as if you've found the best solution to a non-ideal situation but I don't expect the whole thing will be easy.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Goldilocks.

I moved with my husband, five uears ago, and he had big problems finding his way round our new small bungalow. He still has problems finding where things are.

But I have been reassured by posters who have lived in the same homes for the whole of their marriages, and the ones they care for with AD have the same problems too.

Your inlaws will be much safer and more contained in a bungalow rather than a house, and you will be on hand to help. Just don`t feel guilty if your MIL has difficulty settling, as she is already showing signs of feeling strange in her current home.

 

[GOLDILOCKS]

Thank you

Thank you for your useful comments. It is nice to hear that others have done what we are about to embark on. It's such a scary disease thing knowing what is right. I think you are right that even if we stay she may become more confused in her present home. So being more contained may be safer and easier on my father in law. Thank you so much I feel much better.

 

[Grannie G]

Good luck if you do decide to move your inlaws, and please tell us how it goes.

 

[blue sea]

Hello Goldilocks
It is true, of course, that anyone with dementia will have some confusion following a move. However my own experience in moving my father to live with us, following my mother's death, was that the crucial point of continuity was who he was with, rather than where he was. As long as he was with me he felt safe. So as your father in law will be there, and you will be able to visit frequently, I am sure any disadvantages of the move will be outweighed by the longer term practical advantages for you all. I would suggest trying to get things as similar as possible to the layout /appearance of the previous home before your mother in law moves. Is it possible for her to spend the day with you or another relative while the move takes place? Organising furniture in the same pattern, having familiar pictures and photographs in place, can all help. I would try to keep things as calm and routine based as possible - not easy when a move is taking place, I know! As your mother on law's condition gradually deteriorates over time, she may well remember homes from the long distant past, rather than her last one. Good luck with it all.
Blue sea