Help with difficult sister

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by cygnusx1, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. cygnusx1

    cygnusx1 Registered User

    Aug 27, 2015
    1
    Hello this is my first post, but could really do with some advise. My partner and myself have my mother living with us as she has dementia, she has lived with us for over 2 years. We have an excellent care package and a brilliant social worker. The problem is my sister, she lives in Australia and comes over for about 3 weeks every year. Last year was a nightmare, as she was taking mum out every day and totally exhausting her, and causing her to get upset. It got to the point where I eventually threw her out of the house due to her severe attitude problem.

    Anyway she is back again this year. She arrived on Sunday, and she came round for an hour just to see mum. Whilst she was here we all sat together whilst we discussed the current care package to her and she agreed that it was the best thing to keep mum in her regular routine. This lasted 2 days, on the Tuesday she took her out, despite been told that she needed to be back for 2:00pm for her carer visit, she arrived back at 3:30, with a very distressed mum. When I confronted her as to where they had been, she replied that they had been to the local park and had some lunch. I knew there was something more an could tell she was lying.

    Yesterday she turned up, and I asked her straight if she had taken her to see my brother, who was another reason for mum living with us, as he got her evicted from her flat, and would steal money off her. She replied yes, and then started saying that everything was my fault, and that she was never consulted on anything regarding mum.

    What I really want to know, is can I prohibit her access to mum, as she lives in my house, and considering that every time she visits mum get's very unsettled.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,746
    Female
    London
    Do you have health and welfare LPA? Then I am pretty sure you can decide who she can or can't meet.
    And of course you can prohibit your sister to come into your house.
     
  3. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,949
    I would say you can definitely make it difficult for her to take your mum anywhere, and certainly don't let her into your house.
    I suggest you ring Age UK as they may be able to advise you
    0800 169 6565
    or talk to a solicitor as the upset it is causing your mum could be considered to be abuse.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    Hi cygnusx1, welcome to TP
    If you have LPA then I suppose you could ban them in theory but I'd urge you to do anything possible to avoid going down that road. Whilst your brother doesn't sound like the world's nicest guy getting his own mother evicted but if him and your sister gang up it may cause problems later on.
    If you bar them from seeing her and any future inheritance was anything other than a equal 3 way split occurred then they could well shout "undue influence" and challenge the will in court just as an example.
    Banning a woman in her later years from seeing her own children (irrespective of how you feel about them) is a big step to take. So OK your brother sounds like a waste of space and your sister is irresponsible but stopping them from seeing their mother?
    How would anyone else feel if one of their children banned them from seeing their other children even in these circumstances?
    Sorry, but there is the potential for you looking the demon in all this, I can see where you're coming from and I am with you to an extent, but I feel I ought to point out that you may be seen as the bad guy here if you go ahead, many people might think you have an ulterior motive or are simply selfish doing this.
    I think you should think this side of things thorough before you go ahead.
    K
     
  5. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    And obviously your sister is only staying on a short term basis so perhaps you just grin and bear it till she goes home. You could also try going with them on their outings even if it is inconvenient for you but that may put a dampener on your sister's enthusiasm.
     

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