1. mommy

    mommy Registered User

    Sep 28, 2015
    1
    My dad is 80 and has middle stage Alzheimers. He lives with my mom who is amazing and takes care of him so well. The problem is she is worn out and needs a break. She has asked me if my dad can move in with me for 3 days so she can go away and have a rest. I am married and have 2 teenage daughters. Altho my parents come and stay with me overnight about twice a month as they live 1.5 hours away, I have never had to take care of him by myself. He is completely reliant on my mom and even follows her to the bathroom and stands outside the door when she needs the bathroom. I am very concerned that he is going to be traumatized with her being away, in particular for 3 nights, as she hasn't spent a night away from him in the last 10 years. He gets very confused and can't sit still. He still is able to feed himself, altho makes the weirdest sandwiches, but gets confused dressing sometimes apparently. Please can someone give me advice on how I am going to cope with him, especially at night. I don't want him to upset my kids. My husband isn't happy about all of this either.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,335
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP:)

    Could you go & stay with your parents for a night & see what it entails?
    Have you considered staying there with him rather than having him at yours?

    What isn't your husband happy about?
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,180
    That's probably a better idea that you go to him, no change in his surrounding, which would be very unsettling, you don't have to worry about the children, seeing what they perhaps shouldn't.

    Other than that, a weeks respite care, let professionals do the caring, he won't like it,
    but if it's that, or your mother breakdown....then she won't be able care.


    Bod
     
  4. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    535
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    I agree with all of the above. I wonder, is the break happening imminently, or do you have some time to plan for it? If you have time, maybe you could overlap with your mum for one night, maybe the night before she goes on her break? This would give you and your dad a chance to get used to each other with a bit of a handover.

    Also, could this be an opportunity to see more closely what the issues are? Assuming (BIG assumption this!) that you are willing to go 'up close and personal'! It sounds like your mum really needs help right now. I can imagine that it could be hard for her to express how she feels, or even how to ask for help. I speak for myself, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I shut down my feelings and soldier on, when really that is the very time I should reach out and ask for help. This could be your mum's way of asking for help.

    I hope this helps, and good luck, whatever you decide to do. xx
     

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