Help with advice please

[Lottie134]

Hi.
I've not posted before but can identify with most of the posts on here. This is basically where we are at. FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 2 years ago. He was 84 at the time & MIL was 82. They muddled on nicely with support from my husband & myself & was doing really well until FIL began to deteriorate about a year ago. Things began to get really stressful, MIL wasn't coping too good & FIL could be a little difficult at times. We continued to support them, around our jobs & asked for help from SS for the times we knew we would struggle to be there. No problem from SS but from MIL. She wouldn't accept any help, no one in the house etc expecting us to continue to do everything...so we continued to do everything. Then FIL got a UTI & was admitted to hospital. Within days he was doubly incontinent, off his feet & fought off Norovirus twice. It was then MIL said there was no way she could have him home as she wouldn't be able to cope. Understandable as she's now 84 but since FIL has been in a CH she has become a nightmare. We thought it may get a little easier, but its got harder. We still do everything we can for her. We take her out, to appointments, shopping, hairdressers, the list is endless, but its still not enough. She phones us up at all hours asking us to go up, says we don't take her out or up to see FIL. We try to make her as safe as possible but a few weeks ago she fell & ended up in hospital. She was in for 4 weeks as they insisted she had carers in before she could be discharged. Thank goodness. They also arranged for a DN to go in once a day to do her blood sugar & administer her insulin ( I was doing this job previously) so that's made a big difference.
The problem now is on Thursday MIL decided to go for a wonder, was seen by one of her carers & contacted SS. They in turn contacted hubby, who was at work but managed to get to see her. I by then had finished work so went up other while hubby went back to work. I got her an appt at GP who diagnosed a UTI so she's now on antibiotics. All sorted. We have booked a holiday & we leave on Saturday & this is playing on MIL mind so I think there is a little selfishness coming out now, trying to prevent us going, this has happened numerous times before.
Friday lunchtime we relieved a call from CMHT, who had been to see MIL & has basically said that if we goon holiday on Saturday then they will go to MILs bungalow & 'section' her & take her to a mental hospital. (She is confused due to the UTI)Can they really do this? She has carers 3 times a day & a DN every day. She has refused to go into respite & we can't force her to go. Both hubby & me are ready for a break. We have had 10 days in the last 2 years. We don't know where to turn. Any advice would be welcome.
(Sorry it's so long, I've condensed it quite a lot.)

 

[Saffie]

Hello and welcome to Talking Point. I'm not at all sure that I can answer your query but I am sure someone with more knowledge about this will be able to respond very soon.
I think that if your MIL is condsidered to be in a vulnerable state or thought to be a danger to herself, then the mental health team might be forced to take action to protect her and to put her in a place of safety.
I stress that I am not certain of these points, not having been in this position personally but there are others here who will be able to shed more light on this situation. I hope things work out for the best for all of you. Best wishes

 

[juniepoonie]

hi sorry to hear your situation you seem as though you hgave been doing a wonderful job. do you know what section they have put your mum under? also I thought someone had to be with you MIL when they sectioned her? once my BIL was sectioned there was nothing we could do to change it an he was admitted to a mental health assessment unit for 3mths an was only taken off of section when he was moved into a NH. it was for the best in his situation though. I do hope you get your MIL sorted juniepoonie

 

[Lottie134]

Thanks for replies. MIL has not been sectioned yet but the person from the CMHT said that if we go on holiday on Saturday then she will be sectioned. MIL has had a FACE Assessment done by a CPN who says she is not at risk & is quite settled & happy in her little bungalow.
Hubby is getting onto her Social Worker in the morning to see where we go from here. I can't see them putting anymore care in but we would be prepared to pay for a few hours a day if that satisfies them. MIL has a neighbour who has a key & pops across for an hour every night so really don't know what else we can do. Must admit that the person from the CMHT changed her attitude when she realised that hubby works for Social Services & I work for the NHS.

 

[Jaycee23]

Hi Lottie
It sounds like you have had an awful lot to cope with. My mother due to her dementia increasingly refused outside help and happy for me to cope with it all to the detriment of my own health. You could say that she matters as she has dementia and I don't because I don't have dementia but eventually I said that I matter very much. Your MIL is not going to be any different or the situation improving I guarantee you that! She will use every tactic possible to stop you doing what you want to help her needs. You have tried to put things in place and deserve a break. My mother ended up being sectioned as she barracaded herself in her home to prevent the DM coming to give her her medicine and she would not take it for me either. It is an impossible situation and I feel for you but it helps to stand back and re look at the situation and you have to be firm when you need to get respite or you have burn out, I did.

 

[Lottie134]

Thanks. We know it will only get worse as it did with FIL. Hubby is an only child so it all falls to him. He is going through the POA at the moment. Her ultimate goal is to get him up there to live with her. She asked him yesterday. He told her in no uncertain terms that that would not happen. He has a wife, grown up children (these are my step children ) & grandchildren who we hardly see as we spend so much time with her. He's not seen his dad in over a week cos of the demands on his time. We will see what SS says tomorrow.
I must say though I have been reading posts on here for some time & it was so reassuring to know that everyone is going through the same thing & we are not unique.

 

[Lottie134]

A little light at the end of the tunnel. SS have agreed to put a lunchtime call in to MIL while we are away & have accepted step daughter as a named person to contact in emergencies. Really don't know how this will go down with MIL as she doesn't like the amount of carers she has going in now. Even though we desperately need the break I can't help feeling for hubby, I'm so worried that if anything happens to her while we are away he will blame himself or me or both of us
Now we have the arduous task of trying to get her to attend her appt. at the memory clinic on Wednesday. We've tried before & not succeeded. Wish me luck.

 

[Lottie134]

The situation has gone from bad to worse. MIL didn't make the appt. at the memory clinic as on Tues the carers found her still in bed ill, paramedics were sent for & they admitted her to hospital. We were optimistic that they would get her sorted & then discharged but my hubby has been to visit her this afternoon & she's been both verbally & physically aggressive towards him. She's verbally aggressive to him on a regular basis, basically to get her needs met, but has never threatened him physically before. Hubby's uncle (MIL brother) was there at the time & was appalled at how MIL was treating her son. Nurses on the ward were also shocked at the way she was behaving. Anyway, hubby left, he thought it was best as too distressing for him. He'd only been home for half an hour when the Staff Nurse looking after MIL rang & has asked him to go in & to see the consultant tomorrow at 10.30 am. We think they may end up sectioning her as she was trying to leave this afternoon. We really don't know where this will end. Will we get the break we need next week

 

[Izzy]

Lottie I'm so sorry to read your news. I hope something is sorted out tomorrow.

 

[dora]

Sectioning and UTI -IMPORTANT!!

Sorry for the late reply but I have personal experience of this.

MIL was in complete denial and was due to be sectioned. When I mentioned to the CPN that she possibly had a UTI, the sectioning was put on hold as he told me It is not possible to section someone who has a UTI as this is likely to affect their behaviour temporarily

 

[Lottie134]

Thanks for the replies. It's so good to have some reassurance. Hubby has been to see consultant today & we now have a Plan A & Plan B while we are away. Plan A is to get her well enough to be transferred to a community hospital to see if she picks up & can then come home when we return from holiday. Plan B is as Plan A but if she doesn't improve then we will have to consider a CH when we get home. I have finally packed now, didn't want to tempt fate.
We've worked it out that on Saturday she had regressed 15 years & on Thursday she had regressed 40 years. We really think its the UTI causing this. Has anyone any experience of anyone regressing so quickly ?????