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help what are my options


Registered User
Jan 18, 2015

Mum has been put into temporary care awaiting a permanent placement by SS, she has a diagnosis of dementia since approx. 2008. I have been advised that they are thinking about putting her into an assisted living housing complex. I have no problem with the property, I have visited and it is very nice, but it is totally unsuitable for mum. Is there anything I can do?

Mum has living with me for the last 24 years. She could not cook her own food, take her tablets, shop for groceries or wash, she needs a place in a care home, she does not need personal care or nursing. The property they are thinking about would not be furnished either.



Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
Hi there

I think whoever at SS should wake up and smell the coffee. Of course your Mum could not cope on her own and yes she definitely needs 24/7 care in a residential care home. How on earth is she going to feed herself. I dont know some of these people really do take the biscuit. Has the person at SS any conception of what dementia is , I really do begin to wonder.

Make noises, go to the Head of Department if necessary. Do they really want your Mum to come to harm, no of course not , they really have not got a clue.

Let us know how you get on.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
I think I would ask to speak to the manager of the assisted living place and be very blunt/honest about your mum's capabilities/lack of. Explain the situation and ask whether this place would be suitable given that your mum needs help with so many everyday tasks. If the place is certainly going to be unsuitable, as seems likely, I am sure s/he will soon put SS straight. And this person giving them a firm 'no' would clinch the matter.
I would guess that SS often operate a policy of 'try it and see' even against the evidence, because if nothing else it delays the more expensive care home decision.

By all accounts it is not uncommon for people with dementia to move into such places, only to have to move out again because they can't manage at all, and/or are causing problems for other residents, who by definition are themselves often frail.

However I have heard of such placements working - presumably so much will depend on the stage of dementia and just how much assistance is provided.
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Registered User
Jan 18, 2015
Thank you both for your insight, I have spoken to the guy in charge at the housing and he thought that mum was probably not suitable, but when I visited her today I spoke to a couple of the nurses and both chorused that mum is not 'ill' enough to go into residential care, she is far too independent. They would arrange for carers to go in 3/4 times a day. It was suggested that I could also help, I explained that mum was where she is because I could not do this any more.

I am curious with the thought of assisted living with mum, I assume that the property would be unfurnished, where will the furniture/stuff she will need come from, I cant afford to furnish her flat. Neither can she.



Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
I really don't think it would work for your mum to live alone with carers popping in a few times a day.
You need to make it very clear that you can't provide any support. If they can persuade you to "help" you'll be back to square one very quickly.

I'm not sure who would furnish the flat, but just make sure you're not going to do it!