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Help.. Stepdad stopping Memory Clinic appointment


New member
Jan 27, 2020

I am looking for advice on our current situation on behalf of my husband. My stepfather-in law (Age 86) is in hospital at the moment recovering from pneumonia and a kidney infection due to not taking prescribed medication and then not following up at the doctors (Another Story).
Whilst he has been in hospital which is just now over 2 1/2 weeks and still there, we have realised there has been a great decline in my mother-in law (Age 77) with her mind/ability to do things.

We've always thought she was suffering some sort of memory problem as she had been forgetting things and getting totally confused, but was assured that visit to the doctors had ruled this out.

But since her husband has been in hospital it is now apparent that it is more serious than we thought as she cannot do anything for herself, she is getting totally confused and can't understand simple tasks. My husband has basically been her carer for food, tasks, shopping etc and he took her to the doctors about 12 days ago At the doctors iit has surfaced that she was previously advised to have a referral to the Memory Clinic but at the time she was there with her husband and this was declined, we don't know who the main driving force of this decision was, but it had been dismissed.

During this latest appointment a blood test has been arranged with the referral to the Memory Clinic once the bloods have come through.

My husband today told my stepfather in-law at visiting today that Mum was being referred to the Memory Clinic and he is now like, well that's still open and we'll think about that, so he is not supporting this decision.

Where do we stand if he doesn't want her to go and influences my Mum in-law not to go for the blood test and then the Memory Clinic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks


Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @goosey74

You may have to use subterfuge to get your mum the assessment she needs. It would be a shame if she didn’t get tested as the blood tests could show something treatable, like a vitamin deficiency or thyroid problems.

What is your stepfather in law afraid of? Getting a diagnosis will make no immediate difference. Your mum certainly won’t be whisked away to a carehome if that’s what he fears.


Registered User
Aug 22, 2019
But surely you and your hubby must make a stance and explain how ‘poorly’ she is and that she needs help ...I understand that this won’t be at all easy and probably with his advancing years, it’s something he just can’t accept and just doesn’t want to think about ....it’s just so hard I’m sure to know how to tackle it - just a thought, would you be able to get the appointments sent to you? It’s something you may be able to get set up and at least then, you’d know when the appointments are & could make a plan how to get your MIL there etc