Help please!

[Hammy]

I'm 27.My grandad has been suffering from alzheimer for 4-5 years now.He decreased rapidly when he hit 65.He is now in hospital care.we saw the symptoms a long time back before this but to no avail it took him.His mother and father both suffered with it and I saw them every Saturday in my youth until their death.It didn't register back then what it actually was or did.
My grandad fell ill about a year before his 65th birthday.Thats when I noticed it anyway.
My grandad was some man.I just can't find the way to deal with the fact that my grandad,a strong,fit,man's soul disappears so quickly.
He is in hospital now.has been for over 2 years.H can't walk,talk or feed himself and if it weren't for my dedicated gran I don't know what he'd be like.The hospital are immense don'get me wrong.
I've just been trying to forget it is happening I guess.
It's tearing me up,he mean's everything to me!
I worry also that it will happen to me.

Help,am I normal to feel like this?

 

[Brucie]

It's tearing me up,he mean's everything to me!

I worry also that it will happen to me.

Help,am I normal to feel like this?

yes to both questions.

For the first one, try, if you can, to adjust to his current condition. Try to treat him exactly as you always did. I always believe that, no matter what the outward signs, no matter what the challenging behaviour, they are still in there, trying to get out, trying to communicate.

They simply lose the normal means to do that.

I think anyone will worry who has seen a family member - or someone else entirely - with dementia.

There is not much point in wondering overmuch though. It will happen, or it won't, but there is nothing you can do to prevent it, because nobody knows what causes it.

You could well get hit by a car before you ever develop any other conditions.

At your age, try just to get on with your life and enjoy everything you can. It is good advice for anyone, in any situation really.

 

[clarethebear]

Hi Hammy

Welcome to TP.

I have not long since lost my Nanna to this terrible condition and can understand in some way how you might be feeling. You love your grandad without question, however at the same time it is horrible watching the condition take away the person you have grown up with.

My Nanna was diagnosed in January last year, in my diary on 17/1/07 I wrote. Think it's time to say goodbye to the Nanna I once knew and loved and get to know the new Nanna and continue loving her but just a little bit more.

I loved my Nanna to bits and still do, while she was ill I spent as much time with her as I could. It was hard to see her going downhill, one of the things I found helped me was to remember all the good times we had had together and I tried to keep in my mind that somewhere deep down she was still that lady.

With regards to you saying will it happen to you. As Bruce has said it might but then again it might not, try not to worry. Also as Bruce has said there is nothing you can do about it, just live your life as full as you can while you have it.

Please keep posting on TP everyone will help you as best as they can.

Take care
Clare

 

[Nell]

Dear Hammy,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. As you may have read elsewhere on TP, they call dementia "the long good-bye" and this is what you are going through. The heartbreak cannot be avoided - only lived through - I do wish I could say otherwise for you.

The only "bright" side (if you can call it that) is that people like you who have experienced suffering first hand, as you are doing, become wonderful, caring and compassionate people who do a great deal of good in the world.

So, I believe this is your destiny - to use your understanding of how painful things can be to bring greater understanding to your relationships and interactions with other people in the world.

This is very little comfort for you I know - I only hope that as time goes by, you will see the truth of my prophesy.

Rememember that none of us know how long we will live or the circumstances of our own deaths. Mostly this does not concern us as we are not confronted by the possibilities every day. In your case, each time you see your Grandad (or think of him), you are confronted by this terrible possibility.

All you can do is what Bruce and Clare have so wisely said already:
just live your life as full as you can while you have it.

Thinking of you and sending you caring wishes.