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Help please

poppysgran

Registered User
May 14, 2013
2
I care for my elderly Aunt 87, she lives quite independently with my help.
My problem is massive, 3 weeks ago I had to call ambulance as she had a very bad chest infection, in these circumstances I go in turn lights on/off etc so it looks like she's at home.
Second day in hospital she asked me to bring in her handbag so as not allowed money in there I took out £160 put it in a safe place for her...to my horror she said she had over £400 ? so I was accused of taking it. Then today shes now just accused me of taking a few thousand pounds which she had hidden away in a drawer ? that I knew nothing about.
Im the only person with a key to her bungalow.
Im so upset I don't know what to do, I have tried to speak with her etc etc tono avail.

Has anyone else gone through this, or can somebody tell me what to do please Im desperate, I wouldn't steal from my worse enemy let alone her.

Thank you in advance.
 

mahjx001

Registered User
Jul 27, 2010
12
Managing the accusations

My mum is 90 and for the past 2 years has been accusing my husband of stealing from her, even said he had taken her bank paperwork to give to his dad. This is definitely not true and after getting upset and trying to manage it myself,f, I called the doctor and asks his advice. He was brilliant, he said the delusions and paranoia are quite common and to bring mum in to see him. At the appointment he was very patient but firm with my mum saying that he knew for a fact that my husband was not going in the house and tried to explain that her mind was playing tricks. He also played back other behaviours that he had seen e.g. Repeat phone calls to him after he had visited her, which of course she denies. The accusations haven't stopped completely, but my mum has calmed down a bit and if she brings it up, I just say, remember what the doctor said and that I realise it is confusing and frightening, but she really needs to trust what's and he say.
Also if you have an LPA, then I would recommend putting limits on how much can be drawn out, and alerts if large amounts are requested so you can try and limit the amount of cash lying around.
But first, pho her doctor and ask for help
I care for my elderly Aunt 87, she lives quite independently with my help.
My problem is massive, 3 weeks ago I had to call ambulance as she had a very bad chest infection, in these circumstances I go in turn lights on/off etc so it looks like she's at home.
Second day in hospital she asked me to bring in her handbag so as not allowed money in there I took out £160 put it in a safe place for her...to my horror she said she had over £400 ? so I was accused of taking it. Then today shes now just accused me of taking a few thousand pounds which she had hidden away in a drawer ? that I knew nothing about.
Im the only person with a key to her bungalow.
Im so upset I don't know what to do, I have tried to speak with her etc etc tono avail.

Has anyone else gone through this, or can somebody tell me what to do please Im desperate, I wouldn't steal from my worse enemy let alone her.

Thank you in advance.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,988
London
Unfortunately accusations of stealing are common. Try not to take it personally. Their reality is different to ours. You cannot reason with or correct them. Tell her you've only put it away for safekeeping and that you are sorry you upset her. Then try to distract, offer a cup of tea and talk about something else. Don't show her you're upset and she might calm down again. Here's a link to compassionate communication: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
 

Summerheather

Registered User
Feb 22, 2015
160
Completely True

Unfortunately accusations of stealing are common. Try not to take it personally. Their reality is different to ours. You cannot reason with or correct them. Tell her you've only put it away for safekeeping and that you are sorry you upset her. Then try to distract, offer a cup of tea and talk about something else. Don't show her you're upset and she might calm down again. Here's a link to compassionate communication: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
My Mum lives with me and has Alzheimer's - I've been accused of stealing all sorts of stuff - ranging from her false teeth to her biscuits, to her purse, to her sweets. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let it get to you. The other week she accused my poor brother of visiting her in the middle of the night and robbing her - he was mortified. It seems to be a common theme with Alzheimer's - it's far rarer NOT to be accused.