Freezing
This is the letter I have just written to the home, hope it is self explanatory - your views are welcome.
I am sorry to have to write to you again and I am afraid this is going to be a long e mail but there is a lot for me to explain. I have just got home after visiting Mum, who when I arrived was absolutely freezing cold, her hands and arms were like ice. In view of the weather, I was very surprised about this as she seemed to be suitably dressed and the building is usually warm.
Mum was in a wheelchair in the kitchen diner when I arrived and other ladies were sitting at tables. I asked Carer A if Mum could have her lunch in the sitting room so we could sit with her, this was agreed. When we entered the sitting room the drop in temperature was immense! Mum asked if I could close the window but I noticed a mobile air conditioning unit was blasting out cold air - my husband switched this off straight away. A while later and having wheeled Mum to the window so she could feel the sun and put a shawl round her, we were still feeling drafts of cold air and I noticed a room wall stat and went to look, it was set to 16 degs only which I believe must be the lowest setting possible! It seemed like interfering but my husband set it to 21 degs which may be a little low for the elderly.
Another lady was wheeled in by Carer A and left in her wheelchair and not transferred to an armchair - I was so very surprised she left her as not only am I aware from my brother of her recent fall but especially in view of the fact that she told me she could not leave my Mum unattended in a wheelchair because of the risk of a fall a couple of weeks ago. On that occasion, Carer A had told me Mum had not been got up in the morning until it was quieter and there was time for someone to stay right beside her all the time! In fact, after I saw Manager in the garden that day when we brought a picnic and my daughter's dog ran inside the home etc. we took Mum back up and I wheeled her into the sitting room, left my daughter sat on a stool or something and I went to the kitchen to make tea. When I returned there was no space for me to sit beside Mum but as Carer A was in an armchair right beside Mum, I asked her if she would let me sit there instead - I did find it strange that she just sat there, but when she explained to me about the falls risk, leaving Mum unattended etc. I found that feasible.
Now with the benefit of hindsight, I believe Carer A may well have lied, or may have left the other lady at risk today? I don't know all the procedures you work to, you will know best.
Due to the dementia I do know Mum is not the most reliable witness, but today she kept saying 'I don't think she likes me' 'she is rude' 'she is a tough one, that one' and I don't know how many more things and she told me to 'keep away from that one' - this went on for most of the time I was there and I tried distraction etc. but she kept coming back to Carer A. I wish now I had recorded this on my phone for you to hear.
Mum, as you may well know, is very kind and affectionate and usually loves the staff, even introduced me to Carer B saying 'Sharon, this is your cousin'. I have only seen Mum like this once, with a resident in her previous home and it turned out she was right, he was aggressive and actually struck my Mum once. As I said, Mum is not the most reliable, but she was able to tell me a young man wanted to put her in a nightie which she refused as it did not belong to her and he had called her Pauline which he could get into trouble with Matron for because he should call her 'nurse' really. My brother confirmed this was all true, it happened on Thursday he was there at the time. I am stating this to demonstrate to you that there seems to be a mixture of fact and fiction.
Overall we have been so happy with how Mum has been cared for and cared about at (care home name removed) but I now have horrible fears about Mum being at the mercy of Carer A who is able to demonstrate a complete lack of empathy when the lady fell, which you already know about and perhaps, at best, stretching the truth about why Mum was not got up out of bed in the morning.
I also have my horrible suspicions about who set the room temperature so low, then went even further and switched the mobile air conditioner in an already very cold room and where my Mum, or the lady for that matter could possibly have had it aimed at them. This would have been extremely cruel.
I hope I am wrong and would be very happy for you to convince me so. I just don't believe empathy and kindness can be taught or supervised and apart from how Mum was today, Carer A gives me very bad vibes, not just me, my brother also. It feels like intuition.
Before I left I told Carer B my husband had turned the stat up and that poor Mum had been so cold before. I wish I had asked where the mobile unit was in relation to where she was sitting. I put a table between Mum and the lady and made them both a cup of tea which they were very happy about and left them chatting.
Where is the lovely carer called asdfghj or something like that? A true carer who truly cared, a bit like zxcvb, I wish he was on Mum's floor, she loves him!
Sorry this is emotional, but it is how I feel about my poor little Mum who was the kindest most caring nurse you could imagine to anyone who was suffering.
Sadly, I don't expect to hear from you until Monday but if I have not explained anything very well, please do contact me on (phone number removed). I look forward to hearing from you.
lovely pic. I love to see people bringing children into the care home, there are quite a few playing around in the lovely garden at mum's place now it is the holidays, I think it sort of normalises the place. Mum always likes to see children. She gave birth fairly recently apparently, not bad going at 97, she beat your mum to it.
