Help !!!! Please !!!!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Kay2, Apr 2, 2007.

  1. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Hi

    My mother-in-law was sectioned (2) at the end of Feb:mad: less than 24 hrs after we were told this would happen?:eek: A totally unknown social worker:eek: Not her registed one:eek: visited her, without our knowledge:eek: before this:confused: Then the GP, also before we knew what was going on:eek:

    At the end of March she was put under a section 3:mad: Now she has been diagnosed as having a type of lukiemia? and they want to give chemo.

    She is 85yrs and just wants to go home, which she never will:( We feel that the best thing to do is leave her alone! They want to give her chemo:mad: And are talking about legal advice (guardianship ?) HELP!!!! PLEASE!!!!!

    Kay xx
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,403
    Kent
    I`m so sorry Kay, I wouldn`t know where to begin. But don`t give up, there are many on TP with a wealth of experience and knowledge, so someone surely will be able to offer some advice.

    Surely your husband as next of kin has some say in the care of his mother.
     
  3. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    same feelings

    im so sorry to hear this, but i know what you mean. My friend has beeen really let down by social services and because he was 'coping reasonably' on his own they completley withdrew his home help package.
    When he was admitted to hospital social services gave us no notice they were going to discharge him and we had to arrange his care package virtually by ourselves.
    However, we continue to almsot badger them, making sure that our firend gets the help he needs- it sounds tough but keep pushing for what your relative needs- we refused to put the phone down until somebody began to advise us, sometimes you feel harsh on them but it sadly seems the only way to get the help needed.
    don't give up, keep pushing for what you know your mother in law needs , its an additional battle that we don't need but it is so worth it in the end.:)
    good luck, and best wishes
    lauren xx:)
     
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Sorry but I can't offer anything concrete as help.

    In your position I'd be looking at the AS factsheet http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Caring...Dementia_and_the_law/info_mentalhealthact.htm to learn more about the process.

    I'd then be wanting to speak to whichever medical people were involved both in the process of sectioning her, and in diagnosing her lukaemia[GP, consultant, etc] to learn more and to place on record my interest in what happens next.

    Why not call the Alzheimer's Society Help line to get more advice?

    The helpline is open from 8.30am to 6.30pm Monday to Friday.

    The number to dial is 0845 300 0336

    Best wishes
     
  5. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    If your mother-in-law is in hospital then I would suggest that you contact PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) and ask for their advice. They should be able to arrange a meeting between you and the medical staff, if you feel that this would be helpful.

    http://www.pals.nhs.uk/

    I hope this is of some help.

    Brenda
     
  6. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Help!!!! Please !!!!

    Thank you everyone:)

    Apparently the phyciatrist in charge, can basically do what she wants:eek: She just has to say that is in my Mother-in-laws 'best interest'. Even thought my husband is next of kin, all he can do is make them aware that he doesn't agree with what they are doing :mad:

    Although my Mother-in-law has been in hospital since 23rd February, we have only had 1 meeting with the 'team' involved, and that was to tell us they were applying to make the section 2 into a section 3, so that they could prevent her from leaving :(
    She has today requested a meeting (Tomorrow 1pm) as she has "some new information from the heamatologist" Strange as we only spoke to him last week :confused: Plus, she told us that my Mother-in-law only has 6 months without treatment. Odd as the heamatologist we saw last week ( the consultant who did the bone marrow samples) told us he had NOT put that in the report, as he could not say that, and that, my Mother-in-law could continue as she is for years.

    Thankyou all very much
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Kay, thank you for bring us up to date. Do hope things get sorted to your satisfaction soon.

    Sorry I cannot help, no knowledge in this area, but thinking of you.
     
  8. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    We were having enormous problems with communication between us and the hospital on one of the occasions when my mum was in for a protracted stay. PALS arranged a meeting between us, the ward sister and the PALS manager which helped a little. I don't think you have anything to lose by trying to arrange something of this nature as it does sound as though there is a major communication problem and it should be something PALS are well used to dealing with.

    Keep us posted.
     
  9. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    i am stunned at such a high hande attitude from the hospital

    When my Mother 90 was in hospital with Vas Dementia the Consultant said she had at most a year but did I want DNR put on her notes because i had already told them " no extraordinary means "

    I said yes and they added DNR .......it was a matter of days till Clostridium difficile bounced back again and blood oisoning and renal failure caused her demise

    I cannot for one minute see that the ospital have any right to put your MIL thru Chemo .......thats cruel
     
  10. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Help!!!! Please

    All


    Neither could we :confused: but apparently that is the situation :mad: We are told that our thoughts will be considered, but, at the end of the day my MIL's 'best interests' are their main concern. Odd, when they also have her on one of the drugs mentioned in the report from last week!!! So on one hand they want to 'prolong her life' with chemo, and on the other are giving her a drug which has been shown to shorten the life of dementia sufferers :confused:

    Will let you know how we go on tomorrow, but don't hold out much hope :(

    Kay x
     
  11. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    I know this might be a different situation completely, but we were told that if my mum wouldnt take her medication they couldnt force her to take it, surely if your mum in law was to refuse the treatment they wouldnt force it on her:confused:
    probably no help but just a thought
    good luck
    donna
     
  12. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Help!!!! Please !!!!

    Hi

    MIL doesn't even know she has Myloid Lukemia (no cure), yet, they haven't told her ?
    They said she was 'sane' enough to consent to the bone marrow biopsy? but, want US to agree to the chemo?

    We just feel we are being rail-roaded and bullied into agreeing to something we feel she wouldn't want:(

    Thanks anyway, it's nice to have some support (My husband is an only child, so has no-one but me and his Mum)

    Kay xx
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,403
    Kent
    I can`t believe the stress you are being made to endure. I daren`t say what I feel as I would probably be sued for libel, but if you are being asked to agree to the chemo, why are you not being allowed to disagree?
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Kay, you should not be rail-roaded and bullied into anything. Stand firm and say you know it's not what your MIL would have wanted.

    Chemo is apparently a very difficult treatment for even a strong person to cope with. There's no way they should be putting a frail old lady through it.

    Love and prayers for you all,
     
  15. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,435
    Dear Kay,

    I've been thinking a lot about your situation, which seems in many ways to encompass many of the down-sides of modern medicine. If it was my mother or mother in law, I would want the following (in writing):

    A statement of likelihood of success in putting the disease into remission
    A statement regarding likely and possible side effects of the chemo
    A detailed care plan for managing the adminstration of chemo in a possibly uncooperative/definitely unaware patient. I'm thinking that if they're talking about i.v. chemo how are they going to be able to stop her removing the I.V.?

    I have been aware for some time that we, as family members, have very few rights when it comes the the medical treatment of our loved ones. In your situation I would be very unwilling to give consent for treatment, particularly as your consent is, strictly speaking, irrelevant. I would want to know WHY they would want my consent: they don't, as you recognise, really need it, so why would they be asking for it? I suspect they're asking for this because it makes it much easier for them.

    Whatever you do, do get it in writing: they need to think carefully about putting your MIL through this and maybe by writing it down they'll thoroughly review their position.

    Jennifer
     
  16. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Hi everyone :)

    Well today we had a meeting with the psychiatrist in charge of my MIL's treatment.

    She insists that my MIL should have chemo (tablet form by the way) to alleviate the symptoms of the leukaemia and to put off the need for blood transfusions.

    We insisted strongly that we disagree with this, as all it is doing is putting off the inevitable :(

    We have been assured that, if she reacts badly to the treatment they will stop, and have put DNR on her files. However we still disagreed, so they are going to court to be allowed to treat her :(

    We don't suppose we can win but will seek legal advice, before we contemplate giving them the go ahead. We don't want to but if it is going to cost us a lot of money we can't afford to fight it :(


    Thank you all again for your support. We will keep you posted, as it may help someone else

    Kay2 xxx
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,435
    Kay: you should either contact the CAB or a local law centre (personally, I think the latter are better as they specialise in social service areas). However the latter aren't everywhere

    This is the link
    http://www.lawcentres.org.uk/lawcentres/detail/find/
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,403
    Kent
    Dear Kay,

    Words fail me. On the one hand your MIL is to have Chemo and on the other hand she has DNR on her files. Can`t they leave her in peace.

    I wish you well with Court. I hope either the CAB or law centre give you the help you need.
     
  19. Kay2

    Kay2 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2007
    12
    Lancashire
    Dear Grannie G (and anyone else who has contributed to this thread)


    Words fail us as well:confused: They give her drugs to keep her calm (antipsychotics), which could shorten her life :confused: then want to give Chemo to try to lengthen it :confused: :confused:

    The situation is ridiculous :rolleyes: . It would be funny if it wasn't happening to us :)

    We are having a weekend away with the dogs to try and chill and have some down time :eek: seems a bit selfish but the stress is unbelievable :eek:

    All we want is what is best for MIL :) :)

    Will update everyone when we know more.

    Thanks again to everyone

    Kay2 xxx
     
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Kay2

    Enjoy your break. It will do you so much good, and you'll need all your strenght for this battle.

    Love,
     

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