1. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386
    Hi all

    My mum has dementia and lives with me. Over the last seven days she has been unbearably difficult to deal with. She fixates on things and won’t be distracted. Her latest fix is an old broken watch that can’t be repaired. She insists on going to Tesco to get it fixed. Tesco is 500 yards form my home and she keeps getting out of the house and going to Tesco to ask if someone can fix the watch! She either sneaks out or if I catch her and try to stop her she gets aggressive and I simply can’t fight with her several times a day. Like all dementia patients she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her and it’s everyone else who has a problem. She corners me in a room and won’t let me leave and goes on and on repeating the same thing over and over and all I want to do is scream! She’s started sneaking out of the house at night and wandering off, she’s not dressing appropriately for the weather and I am at the end of my tether, I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown!

    I called the mental health team to ask for advice and the first thing they said was how much money does your mum have? I was hoping for some guidance on what to do or for her medication to be reviewed so I was taken back when the first thing they asked was how much money does your mum have will she be self funded? I thought they would be able to section her sort her medication and then she could return home, I am surprised they jumped straight to funding! Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,110
    #2 Rosettastone57, Dec 9, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
    The mental health team were crass, in that response however, I suspect what they're really trying to say,is that your mum has reached the stage of needing 24/7 supervision with a whole team looking after her. No magic answers I'm afraid, but I tend to agree with them. Others will be along soon with better advice regarding sectioning
     
  3. Abbey82

    Abbey82 Registered User

    Jun 12, 2018
    68
    Hi there, when my Dad got like that first time around he ended up being sectioned (section 2 assessment) for assessment so they could figure out what was going on with his drugs. We had to go down the route of calling an ambulance and he was assessed in A&E to make sure there was no medical reason (he had to be physically restrained and sedated throughout the process). Eventually he was sectioned and held for 6 weeks, it was the best decision we made, it was b best for Dad and they managed to get on top on his meds and he came home for nearly 3 months. Unfortunately he was sectioned again (section 3 for treatment) and will be unable to come home now, but he will be placed in nursing care under the 117 aftercare act. However, we would prefer him home but again we support this, they have been great with him.

    When he was sectioned again, we managed to call out the CPN (Community Psych Nurse) who came and assessed him, she was under the same impression as us and agreed that he needed to go in again. We then waited at home around 6 hours and 3 doctors visited and agreed and sectioned him before an ambulance was called to take him back to the Hospital.

    He has been in 3 weeks again now and its the best place for them to sort his medication and its having a positive result again.
     
  4. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,192
    Toronto, Canada
    In order to quell the great watch fixing problem, could you have a quiet word with someone at Tesco and they could take the watch from your mother and say they will fix it? then they could say they are waiting for a part. You could then buy her a cheap replacement watch "just for now". My mother kept losing her watches so I kept replacing them with cheap ones.

    i realize your mother may well fixate on something else. i do think she needs to be properly assessed and mostly likely have her medications adjusted. Is she on any drugs for behavioural issues now?
     
  5. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386
    Thank you, I think she needs to be sectioned so they can get her in the appropriate treatment. I don’t think I can keep her safe because I can’t stop her leaving the house I would have to physically restrain her or lock all the doors and ward off the aggression. I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown I really can’t cope and literally no one will help.
     
  6. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386
    Yes she will just fixate on something else. A week ago it was a crochet hook, she insisted on taking it to Tesco’s and asking them for wool that went on for a week until she moved onto the watch! She really is relentless there is no persuading her otherwise once her mind is set! She will even say I know you’re trying to change the subject and just won’t let it go! She is fixated on my daughter as well, she thinks she is taunting her and says some vicious things about her which are really difficult to listen to.
     
  7. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386
    Thank you. This is exactly what happened with my dad and is what I believe should happen with my mum. She is really difficult to deal with I feel I will have a breakdown if I don’t get some help x
     
  8. Abbey82

    Abbey82 Registered User

    Jun 12, 2018
    68
    Rosserk, where are you based ? Do you have a CPN assigned to you ? If all else fails, you can call 999 and request an Ambulance, explain she is a danger to herself and others and then they will be unable to ignore you. We had to do this as above for my Dad, first time around. Second time, he had a CPN assigned to him which made calling them out easier. If I can help, let me know.
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,099
    Female
    South coast
    Its the Community Psychiatric Team that you want if your PWD needs a meds review or sectioning, @Rosserk . SS only deal with things like carers , day care and residential care. I suspect that SS thought you were asking about residential care for your PWD, but it was pretty tactless.

    Your GP can refer you to the CP team and they will be able to assess your mum.
    I must say that when mum got to this stage, I could not keep her safe either and she moved into a care home.
     
  10. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386

    Hi it was the mental health team I spoke with not SS.
     
  11. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386
    I called the mental health team she is already registered with them. The person who looks after my mum is away today it was the duty officer I went through too x
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,099
    Female
    South coast
    Sorry, I misread it. That was an extremely unhelpful response from them then, wasnt it? [sigh]
    I hope you can get things sorted out soon, because wandering at night this time of year is very worrying, I know
     
  13. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    386

    Thanks, yes the getting out is not good, she isn’t always appropriately dressed for the weather and it’s freezing here. Mental health team want me to lock all the doors and use an alarmed mat. The problem is if I try to stop her she starts getting aggressive and nasty and I simply can’t spend all day every day in a confrontation. Also I would have to carry three keys around with me and if there was a fire would all be in trouble. She switched the grill on one day and I only noticed when the fire alarm went off when the handle on the grill melted. It really isn’t that easy to stop a PWD who thinks everyone else is mad from leaving the house particularly as she doesn’t know who I am, as far as she’s concerned I’m a care home manager!
     
  14. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    533
    OMG @Rosserk - life is just crazy isn't it? You need (like all of us) to put your own mental health and physical safety first. It does sound like your mum needs full time care as nobody could or should put up with this level of 'behaviour' even though they can't help it. You can only help your mum if you are okay first. Good luck with pursuing this, it's so difficult.
     

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