1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Patricia 666

    Patricia 666 Registered User

    Nov 26, 2017
    19
    My mum has moderate dementia,she can come across as being quite well until you ask her questions then its very obvious that she is confused.
    She has one bank account,that is savings towards her funeral and it has had no activity in many months.
    Today she was awarded a sum of money,I was arranging it to be transferred into her account when I noticed that my brothers name has now been added to the account.
    I also noted that £1000 is missing from the account.
    I asked my mum if she had been to the bank and added my brother to the account but obviously she has no memory.
    I always assumed you couldn't be added to an account unless you have power of attorney and to my knowledge he does not have power of attorney.
    I don't know what to do,I'm concerned that he will fritter the money away until there is nothing left for funeral costs.
    I'm concerned that he may have went to the bank with mum and withheld the fact that she has dementia.
    Just grateful for any advice.
     
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    18,830
    Male
    North Manchester
    Your mum does not need to go to the bank to give you brother access to the account, all she has to do is sign a third party mandate.

    Difficult to decide what to do.
    You could go to the bank and tell them of your concerns, they may take action and query your mum's capacity and the validity of any mandate, they have a duty of care to your mum as account holder.
    Beware that they may choose to freeze the account.

    Questions
    Has anybody got financial LPA?
    What authority did you have to investigate your mum's account?
     
  3. Patricia 666

    Patricia 666 Registered User

    Nov 26, 2017
    19
     
  4. Patricia 666

    Patricia 666 Registered User

    Nov 26, 2017
    19
    Hi.Nitram.
    I only found out by chance that my brother had added himself to mums account.
    She was owed some money and I was making sure it was transferred to her account,by chance I noticed that my brothers name was now on her bank account.
    I have spoke to him and asked why he was now added to her account,
    he said it was because mum carried large sums of cash in her handbag,that would be fine but he only visits every three months or so really doesn't make sense.
    Her benefits are paid into a post office account so really she can still walk around with large sums of cash in her purse.
    The bank account he has access to was specifically for her funeral and nothing else,and it is now down a thousand pounds which he couldn't account for.
    I am her only living family member who sees her or speaks to her daily so you can understand my concerns.
     
  5. silversea2020

    silversea2020 Registered User

    May 12, 2019
    81
    I think i’d talk to the bank about your concerns. Do you have LPA in place?
     
  6. Patricia 666

    Patricia 666 Registered User

    Nov 26, 2017
    19
    There is no LPA in place.
    I wasn't keen to put anything like this in place until I was absolutely certain it was needed,
    I suspect I was wrong.
    The bank account that my brother has access to now had no activity in ages,it was primarily a lump sum to pay for her funeral.
    I only noted by chance that it was down £1000,he couldn't give me an explanation for the account being down so much money.
    He insists he only is added to the account to prevent my mum from carrying around large sums of money,but he only visits every few weeks,sometimes months so she still has the potential to carry large sums of money.
    I have no desire to get him into any trouble,I have no desire to have control of my mums finances,
    I just want to ensure that the money is in her account to pay for her funeral in the way she requested.
    I'm still not sure what to do for the better.
     
  7. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Perhaps you could tell your brother that you have noticed a thousand pounds has left your mums account and you didn’t do it .... so you will need to ask the bank to investigate. Unless of course, he moved the money for some reason, as he is the only other person on the account

    Either he will admit he moved the cash, in which case, you can suggest he moves it back, even if it’s as a monthly value, a hundred a month for ten months

    If he denies all knowledge, tell him you are going to notify the bank and ask them to investigate. Show him you are being transparent

    Your mum also has access. As much as we believe our PWD wouId never do anything so foolish, they can and do. So be prepared to be told that she moved the cash

    I found about a thousand pounds hidden around my mums room when I was clearing it out. In books. In pockets. In her knickers drawer. Yet she kept telling me she had no money. :rolleyes:

    There certainly seems to be a common link between dementia and hiding money around the place with absolutely no memory of doing so :rolleyes:
     
  8. silversea2020

    silversea2020 Registered User

    May 12, 2019
    81
    At the end of the day, your mum needs protecting - your brother may or may not have helped himself to money that belongs to your mum but as you say his explanation for being added to her bank account does sound very odd to me. It may still be possible for you to arrange power of attorney if your mum hasn’t lost total capacity - it will make things easier for you as time goes on -(believe me, it is better than leaving things and then having to apply for Deputyship - takes time & expensive).

    Anyway, some good advice from @SamLuvit - it’s a horrible thing to have to deal with (my own brother successfully emptied our mom’s bank account) let us know how you get on
     
  9. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,839
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi @Patricia 666 have you considered arranging a pre-paid funeral plan for your mum then there’s no way the money can be spent on anything else.

    If you set up a LPA now while your mum is still able to you don’t have to take over immediately but if you leave it until your mum loses capacity you won’t be able to get an LPA and it’s much more difficult and expensive to get deputyship.
     
  10. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,640
    Female
    London
    Take out an LPA immediately while you still can. You can fill in the forms yourself, and the registration fee is only £82, reimbursable from your Mum's money. People who wait until they need it wait too long. Once capacity is lost, all you can do is apply for the much more expensive and onerous deputyship.

    As you can see now, it's not about controlling someone's finances, but safeguarding them.
     
  11. Patricia 666

    Patricia 666 Registered User

    Nov 26, 2017
    19
    I have made an appointment with the solicitor that mum used to write up her will.
    It seems like my brother has just went ahead and arranged things without speaking to anybody else.
    In the past he also set my mum up with BT internet,
    I tried to cancel this as my mum doesn't have a tablet or smart phone but with no success.
    He insisted that there needed to be internet access for when he visited and stayed with mum,he has access to her BT account online so every time I cancelled this,he set it up again online.
    Checking her phonebill today I noticed that she is paying over £28 a month for the internet,
    my mum would struggle to turn on a mobile phone.
     
  12. witts1973

    witts1973 Registered User

    Jun 20, 2018
    638
    Male
    Leamington Spa
    #12 witts1973, Jul 18, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
    Get that lpa sorted out asap,then you can control the BT account after you ring BT and get the address and department that you will need to send a copy of the LPA and a cover note explaining your mum now has dementia and you hold LPA and will now be the person of contact,mind you it may be worth not causing a fuss about it in case it ruffles feathers and he might be more reluctant to visit then
     
  13. silversea2020

    silversea2020 Registered User

    May 12, 2019
    81
    You’ve done the right thing & being proactive you’re protecting your mum ...it’s horrible facing stuff like this & having the worry of it all ...when the POA is in place at least you will be in control ...it was only when I did it for my mom that me & the hubby did ours
     
  14. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    603
    Hi, Bunpoots suggestion of setting up a funeral plan for your mum is a good idea, you won’t need to worry about the money disappearing then. Also, if your mum ever needs to pay for care, money in all her accounts will be taken into account for self funding until she gets to the lower amount. Setting up a funeral plan is allowed and it will give you peace of mind.

    Get the LPA’s set up asap. X
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.