Help please. How can I stop husband disturbing neighbours?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Reds, Apr 5, 2015.

  1. Reds

    Reds Registered User

    Sep 5, 2011
    540
    Hertfordshire
    Hi all

    My husband from time to time knocks on our neighbours door. Lady sent me complaint message other week. My husband said he forgot this morning and said Happy Easter and do they have any free chocolate. He had 3 large Easter eggs so plenty of chocolate and he was only joking.

    How can I stop my husband knocking on their door? I have said he must tell me or ask me and that he shouldn't knock on their door.

    The neighbours have experience of Alzheimer's within their family but don't like to be disturbed in the mornings. I did tell her to ignore it. I wish he wouldn't. Any ideas?

    Reds
     
  2. ronnie2012

    ronnie2012 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    7
    Hello

    I am so sorry for your distress. I don't have any ideas to help. I am in my 9th year of caring for my parents.
    My only comfort is reading this forum. I hope someone has an idea to try.
    Lots of love
     
  3. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    #3 Bree, Apr 5, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2015
    A difficult one, but can you lock your own door, so that at least you will know when he's trying to go out. Will he accept that he is causing offence to your neighbour, and they might contact the police ? Purely a scare tactic. Can you tell him that your neighbour has now got a very large nasty dog, that won't like him ? It will depend on how far his dementia is advanced as to what he will or will not accept.

    Your neighbour may not be aware of who is knocking, so it might not be easy for them not to answer the door, but that is also another obvious answer, as he won't keep going if no-one answers the door.

    You might also say that it is causing you distress, as your neighbour doesn't like him keep going round. He might stop for your sake, as I said it depends on his condition.

    Good Luck.
     
  4. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    775
    How does your neighbour react to him when they answer the door?
    When my mother was doing this, they were very nice to her, as they didn't want to upset her - but then phoned me (500 miles away) to complain. Her response to me asking her not to keep going round was that they didn't mind and were always pleased to see her.

    If your neighbour is being polite to your husband, he may think you are overreacting. Could you ask them to refuse to interact with him and just ask him to go away? If he doesn't get the response he is looking for - laughing at his joke etc - he may stop doing it.
     
  5. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,084
    Brazil
    If the problem is in the morning, maybe you can keep him busy until late morning. (So he won't wake up them).
     
  6. alypaly

    alypaly Registered User

    Nov 7, 2014
    9
    My Mum does the same and no amount of telling her will stop it. Like you the neighbours are nice about it but have reached the end of their tether so now they have disconnected the door bell. I was hoping it was just another phase but its been going on for months now. She is at daycare 3 days a week so they get a bit of a break but the moment she gets home she is off over the road ringing the doorbell. Sorry no answers - just lots of empathy.
     
  7. Reds

    Reds Registered User

    Sep 5, 2011
    540
    Hertfordshire
    Thanks for the replies :)
     
  8. If you don't want to lock your door you could apply a door sensor to alert you that he has opened the door so you can get there before him.

    If it is happening when he is alone at home then perhaps he is not feeling safe alone now and seeking company. :/
     

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