1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    Well, it's a rant really! OH ( Alzheimer's and vas dem, diagnosed 7 years ago, but had it 4 years before that) has got to e stage where he only recognises me, can't do anything for himself ( ie make coffee, switch on radio / TV ). I help him wash and dress/undress.
    Recently he has delusions, as he did in 2013. Adopting a baby boy was one, complicated by the fact that he actually has 2 adopted sons, now in their 40's. He has 'divorced' me so many times I have lost count, but it was every day over Christmas / new year. Joy! Over the last 2/3 months he thinks I have no right to be here, as I have been divorced ( note, I do have POA).
    It is quite frightening to see how his face changes as he stands on the top step of the bus and sees me. It is frightening. I spent today going to the care home to get him some respite. They promised to phone back, but haven't. I will try and phone them tomorrow when OH is not around. He was particularly obnoxious this evening. As he went to bed earlier (can sleep up to 17 hrs a night) I got up to go and sort the bedroom and he said you don't have to do anything for me. So I didn't. Childish, I know, but soooo satisfying! So, a cold bed, no pjs laid out, no radio on, no water in glass!
    Am now nearly at end of first glass of wine!!
    So, what do I do? Will two wks respite be enough, if they'll have him? Is this the start of full time care? He did hit me the other day, not hard, but with malice aforethought.
    Violence is one of my tipping points ( experience with my father). It can/will only get worse. He is also getting careless about smoking (pipe). Carpet burns, tries lighting up in the living room ( I suffer from chronic sinusitis ), has definitely smoked in shower room, tried to smoke in bedroom. This looks like an accident waiting to happen to me.
    Apart from respite, what do/ can I do? Any suggestions?
    Gold star for the person who says get drunk!!!
    Sorry for muddled post.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,857
    Female
    Scotland
    When you read your own post tomorrow you will have the answer in front of you. Violence is indeed the tipping point as is meanness of spirit. Being normal human beings we cannot live with constant harassment which makes us fearful.

    The respite might do the trick but if not have Plan B ready.

    Good wishes.
     
  3. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Never allow violence towards you, you must get yourself help, I think you have answered your own question, if you are having to ask if it is time for permanent care home, I believe it is, take care of yourself and for tonight enjoy that wine , but please stay safe xx

    Ange
     
  4. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    327
    Birmingham
    Spamar,

    You have to get some help, it might sound extreme but if you have a SW, ring them as soon as you can and TELL them you need help. If you don't have a SW, you can ring your local Social team switchboard and there will be a duty SW you can speak to.They cannot ignore you. Tell them you are heading into a CRISIS situation and you need help straight away. No one has to live in a situation where they are at risk. They have to do something, there is risk involved here.
    Please take care of yourself x
     

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